A Dad’s Point-of-View

By Bruce Sallan

Raising kids, like many things in life, involves many factors but luck is a key factor. I’ve faced recent reminders about this when I attended the Bar Mitzvah of a young man with severe learning disabilities, whose parents had the poor luck that he had these problems.

Or, the recent visit from my best friend who shared a conversation he just had with his wife in which they were each trying to figure out what they did wrong that resulted in their three adult children lacking any career focus in their lives. And, finally, the two men I know who are suffering the horrors of dealing with late teen or young adult drug addicts.

In the world of show business, to illustrate another world and example, do you really think the big stars in Hollywood are the most talented? While I love Jennifer Lopez and do indeed think she is quite talented, there was a certain degree of luck that they were making a movie about the life of Selena when J.Lo was just beginning her career. If her first movie had been a flop, would we be seeing her in every celebrity magazine?

As a former showbiz veteran, I often said it requires two things to succeed: “talent and luck.” Other showbiz examples are numerous, going back to when Lana Turner was discovered having ice cream on a stool at the long gone Schwab’s drugstore on Sunset Boulevard. in Hollywood. It may have been a legend, but there are plenty of those stories that are true.

I maintain that luck is a huge factor in parenting. The two families that I know who are suffering the ongoing terrors of having a child who is an addict are among the most stable, loving, and wholesome families I know. These are not families of divorce and they each have a stay-at-home loving mom, an involved dad, financial security, religious values, etc. Yet, I know both couples are constantly berating themselves over what they might have done differently. In their minds loving their children, apparently was not enough.

Bunk! There is luck in life. I feel lucky to have gone to college when I did and to have had the entertainment career that I had. Neither would be possible now, with the grades I had and the nature of showbiz today. I also feel lucky that I was born in the U.S., to wonderful loving parents, that I’ve always had my health, and I’ve had more than my share of good fortune along the way. I just as easily could have been born in a third-world country, with various health problems, and poverty and hunger as a way of life.

No, luck is a big factor for all of us. I also believe we can influence and make our own luck by working hard, developing our talent, and when we are in that right place at that right time, knowing we’re prepared to take advantage of it. J.Lo probably did the greatest audition ever for the role of Selena. Yes, the timing of it was luck, but she developed her talent to take advantage of the opportunity.

I got in showbiz the same way, turning a fortuitous meeting into my first job and using some knowledge I had about my future boss’s best friend and associate to ingratiate myself with him and make him laugh. It was luck that I met him and good prep that I knew whom he knew.

But, with parenting, we cannot beat ourselves up for how our children turn out. We can help, we can guide, and we can instruct, but ultimately they will grow up and make their own decisions. If their friends are into drugs or drinking, will they have the strength to withstand that peer pressure? I hope we’ve raised our children to say “No,” but only time will tell.

The irony is that I do believe we can mess up our kids easier than we can make them into model citizens. It is sort of like how one bad driver can cause a mess of trouble for a whole freeway of good drivers. Poor parenting does more damage than good parenting does good. I still urge all parents to give, do, and love their children to the very best of their abilities.

I used to read to my sons almost every night when they were young. I patted myself on the back at being such a great dad when they both spontaneously began to read in Kindergarten. What a great job I had done, or so I thought. I later learned of many other parents, my friends, who read just as much or more than I did and whose children had all sorts of difficulties learning to read. It made me re-think my contributions to their spontaneous reading. I’m sure my reading didn’t hurt, but how much it helped is unknown.

The same applies to all the good things we do as parents. I still believe strongly that I’d rather stack the deck in our favor by making every effort I can to instruct, model, and otherwise instill good habits and values in my kids. I know just by reading the paper or watching the news how much luck impacts everyone’s lives. Right now, I have to unilaterally declare that I’ve had a big pile of luck. I just hope it continues as the boys grow up.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 16 and 13. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend and join his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” group. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

Related posts:

1. We’re Giving Our Kids a Worse and Harder World
2. My Kids Aren’t Me, in Spite of Sharing the Same DNA
3. Stuck Between My Wife and the Kids

By: Ben Murphy

There’s an old adage that “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” The problem with most of us is that we make great plans, we just have trouble carrying them out. The truth of the matter is that we can only achieve what we attempt. Most of us sell ourselves short because we plan well, but never get around to the attempting.

I write about this topic because we can only be at our fullest when we pursue all we know we are capable of. It’s a little thing called ‘fulfillment.’ But a lot of people I talk to seem awfully unfulfilled, living in a world of “if only.” They love their family, but their job devours all their time. They shuttle their kids to endless activities, but never spend quality time with them. Their lives keep coming back to, “if only I’d started that business when the idea was fresh,” or, “if only I’d followed-through and finished my degree.”

I deeply believe that our main obligation in life is to do the best we can with what we’ve been given. It’s a high ideal, but its comes from observing other successful folks through the years. The folks I know who are getting what they want out of life are the ones who haven’t sold themselves short on their ideas and their dreams. They’ve taken small but steady steps in a concerted direction and made it happen. They benefit, their families benefit, and the community around them benefits too.

What’s your “if only?” Where are you selling yourself short? For some of us it’s in our work. For some it’s our health. No one else is going to solve that dilemma for you and all the planning in the world isn’t going to make your dreams come true. So, how do you get from here to there? Here are two small but powerful lessons I’ve learned about from others that have impacted my life. I hope they’re of as much use to you as they have been to me.

FAILURE OF SUCCESS: I have a good friend who, until a couple years ago, was in a boring IT job that paid the bills, but he wasn’t very happy. He’d always been interested in photography, so he bought himself a camera and shot a few friends’ weddings. Turns out he was pretty good at it. Sure enough word spread and he was getting more requests, so he started charging. And he kept getting requests. He now shoots weddings full-time. He has a very healthy income, has flexibility to be with his family, and is now flown out to shoot weddings in places like the Hamptons… all because he decided to start doing something he’d always wished he’d done. The reason I say this is because one of the things he shared with me about making the transition is that he realized he’d always been afraid of success. For a lot of us who have a pretty good life, why rock the boat? While the idea of unbridled success is great, at the risk of losing our current standard-of-living, most folks don’t take that step. It’s strange to think that we’re afraid of success, but most of us are.

THE LONG GAME: one of the most profound truths in life is that we typically overestimate what we can achieve over a short period of time, and we severely underestimate what we can achieve over a long period of time. When we have a dream, it often seems overwhelming to imagine accomplishing it in a month or a year. But what about two years? Three years? That amount of time flies by surprisingly quickly in our busy lives and even an hour each week devoted to one thing can steadily move a dream along. You sneak in :20 here and :30 there. Pretty soon you’ve spent an hour or two each week and you see progress. Progress breeds enthusiasm. And once that enthusiasm takes hold, it’s awfully hard to slow down!

If you feel like you’re not getting all you’d like out of life, do some reflection. Where are you selling yourself short?

Ben Murphy is the Founder of TheFatherLife.com, the men’s magazine for dads.

He lives in New York State with his wife and three daughters.

Related posts:

1. The Four Greatest Lies of Success
2. Program Your Own Success
3. You’ll See It When You Believe It

Set Me Free

In this week’s Pep Talk video the Comeback Coach, inspired by a visit to a Colorado corrections facility, encourages you to go before the parole board of your mind and announce, “set me free.”

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2. This Week’s Pep Talk Video by The Comeback Coach
3. Pep Talk Video by The Comeback Coach Inspired by Single Mom

By Richard B. Brooke

Imagine for a moment, where our society would be if we (people and businesses) allowed ourselves to believe we have no need for improvement. If we settled for “good enough,” instead of reaching for excellence. If in the afterglow of great success, we adopted an attitude of “We’ve arrived!” and neglected to ask, “How can we improve and reach the next level?”

One of the most unique and powerful gifts we all have is the ability to better ourselves every day, in every way. It is the ultimate opportunity to have the emotional, intellectual and physical faculties to identify and execute change. And it pays huge dividends, in both our personal and professional lives.

We can study a little every day, either by reading or listening or watching something that will support us to make shifts in how we take care of ourselves and our future. Even the smallest steps can quickly compound into vast improvements in:

• Who we are
• How we act
• How we react
• How we attract

The Japanese call it Kaizen … or “constant improvement.”

Let’s look at some areas of our lives where small daily improvements can add up to make huge differences over time:

YOUR HEALTH

What could be more important? Take care of your body; it is the only one you get. It could last well past 100 years of vitality and wellness. Here are a few things we can do every day:

1.    Make one better decision about what you eat. Drop the sugar or salt you usually add to your food. Enjoy one less beer, or one more helping of fiber or greens. Move away from white flour. Stop buying the things at the grocery store that do not support your health. If they are not in the kitchen, you are likely to NOT eat them. Rethink how you look at food: from a source of pleasure, to a source of necessary fuel. Food is fuel. Bad fuel causes engine failure. Good fuel wins races.

2.    Drink more water. Put a gallon of water in the refrigerator and make it your goal to consume it every day.

3.    Add one more physical activity. Walk the stairs instead of taking the elevator.  Walk to the mailbox. Hire a personal trainer. Stretch. Do something fun and physical.

1. Take time to relax … even 20 minutes a day can make a difference. Give yourself permission to lie in the hammock or take a quiet bath.

YOUR WEALTH

This is our ticket to freedom, fun, adventure and contribution. Anyone can become wealthy. The level you need for freedom is different from others. Find your number. How much in assets and income do you want in order to live life to the fullest? Then do the following every day:

1.   Add value to YOU as a professional. It does not matter if you are a chicken chopper or a rocket scientist … add value to your income-earning self. Learn something new that has value to your clients or employer. Add a new skill. Develop a new distinction. Form a new habit. Offer more of your professional self than you have before. You will earn more every year.

2.   Save more. Save more of what you spend money on now. Look for ways to get the same value for less money. Buy a three-year-old car versus brand new. Eat out once less each month. Exchange full cable services for the basic. Anyone can figure out how to save $100 a month off just his or her existing expenses. One hundred dollars saved and invested over 30 years equals hundreds of thousands in wealth. Just $100 a month!

3.   Invest more in appreciating assets, and less in depreciating assets. More appreciating assets like real estate, home improvements, your professional value, stocks and bonds. Less depreciating assets like autos, entertainment, gifts and impulse purchases. Just by shifting a few hundred dollars you will add hundreds of thousands to your net worth.

4.   Build a royalty residual income. Even when built part time, this residual income adds significant wealth. Five hundred dollars a month in residual income is, in itself, “worth” $50,000. The added $500 a month you invest in real estate or stocks can be worth hundreds of thousands over time. Residual income can come from a solid Network Marketing business, an online business, or writing a book about something for which you have a passion.

HOW YOU ACT

Are you kind? Are you compassionate? Are you generous? Do you take or give credit to others? Do you speak encouraging words? Do you speak about people’s strengths to others? Do you work enthusiastically? Do you do what you say you will do? Do you tell your truth when it could be a contribution? Do you listen to empower others?

How you and I act creates our value in the world … to the people around us like family, friends, coworkers and clients. When we act with excellence, speak with excellence, listen with excellence, and behave as excellent a person as we can in the moment, we are valued, we are attractive, we are trusted and we are loved.

Do these things every day to improve how you act:

1.   Make a commitment to say something kind every day … then increase it to every hour.

2.   Make the same commitment to do something kind every day. “Pay it Forward.”

3.   Make the same commitment to listen to someone … really listen to what they are saying, what they are not saying, what they really want to say, and how they feel. Listen to someone at a therapeutic level once a day.

4.   Audit your conversations. Develop the habit of asking yourself after each statement, “What was my motive in saying what I said and how I said it? Was it to contribute to the person, or to make myself look good?” Then ask yourself how you feel about someone who speaks to make themselves look good, more important than you, or more “right” than you.

5.   Make a bold request every day that will improve a relationship, business productivity, or will improve another person. For example, make a bold request that a friend or loved one stop speaking negatively about him or herself – battering their own poor self esteem. Or make a request that your spouse do something that you know will improve your love and relationship. When bold requests are made out of the context of support and improvement, they are often the tipping point that leads a person to act with excellence.

HOW YOU REACT

If actions are those things we think about (however briefly) before doing them, then reactions are those things we do without thinking. They are our built-in boomerang, over which we may feel we have no control or personal responsibility. Most people react in negative and destructive ways.

We can develop new “reactions” by developing new interpretations and habits. Here are some examples:

1.   When someone speaks down to you, what do you think and how do you feel about it? What is your reaction? Do you feel they think you are smaller and less than them? Do you think they may be right? Do you react with anger and retaliation, or do you shut down? How would it change your reaction if, when someone spoke down to you, you “interpreted” that they, themselves, feel small and could really use a lift. This new interpretation gives you a perfect opportunity to engage improving how you act (See steps 1-5 above).

2.   When someone is late, do you think they disrespected you? How do you retaliate? What if instead, you interpreted their lateness as due to a life in overwhelm, a sick child, or someone being late for them? Do you see how that changes your reaction and gives another opportunity for steps 1-5 above?

3.   When someone in authority tells you “no” or tells you to do something versus asks, how do you react? What if you interpreted that this leader is working on their path of developing compassionate leadership; that they have more responsibilities than they can handle and they need support? Again, see steps 1-5 above.

HOW YOU ATTRACT

Attraction is that mysterious energy that brings us a lucky outcome … the client or order we needed just in time; or the idea that breaks the log jam and propels us into massive productivity; or the person that just popped into our life and filled a void, either romantically or personally. We all know people who seem to hit the jackpots of life over and over again. We all know people who seem to always land on their feet and are always running with the wind towards their goals.

The lucky ones are those who were gifted by their parents with belief in themselves, such that they see every opportunity as a probability and inevitability. Everything can get done and should get done. No obstacle is too high or too wide. They deserve – not from and egotistical viewpoint, but from a spiritual abundance viewpoint – everything they choose to earn. They are the lucky ones. They are the one percent. About one out of 100 of us had parents lucky or wise enough to pass that gift on.

And For the Rest of Us …

There is a path, proven a billion times, which will bring anyone one of us the luck in life we so richly deserve. It is a simple path of Vision and Self-Motivation. It goes like this …

AUTHENTIC CORE VALUES

We each have a set of “rules” that makes us uniquely who we are. These rules define what is most important to us in life … what gives us life. To us, these rules are as essential as air and water. We must have them to be all we can be. Values are just labels for these rules … labels of the things we hold dear to us. There are no limits to the labels you can place on what you consider to be your authentic core values. Here are just a few examples:

Love … Fun … Adventure … Family … Spirituality … Leadership … Success … Discovery … Friendship … Excellence … Abundance … Honesty … Creativity …

The first step in the path, is to learn through self-discovery, self-listening and asking the right questions. What are your authentic core values? You will want to list them, keep them visually present, and refer to them as often as possible.

IMPOSED VALUES

We each also have a set of “rules” or imposed values. These are rules to live by handed down by authority figures in our lives, usually during our formative years (ages 1-5). Imposed values are not our authentic rules, but usually our parents’ rules; either authentic for them, or imposed by their parents (our grandparents). Here are some examples:

Hard Work … Education … Responsibility … Cleanliness … Success …

Family … Leadership … Spirituality … Security … Acceptance … Safety …

As you will notice, imposed values can also be authentic core values. What is authentic for one person, may be imposed for another. And just because your parents “insisted” that you live by a rule, does not mean it is not authentic for you. Identifying what is authentic for you is something only you can discover for yourself.

To capitalize on the laws of attraction, you will want to move away from living your life by any imposed rules. For when we live by imposed rules, you and I are always in conflict, always fighting, always resisting … and this is not the energy that attracts anything good.

Learn your imposed values, write them down and create a life plan to move away from them. This is not easy, nor will it usually happen quickly. And, it must happen for the real power you possess in your life to show up for you.

YOUR GIFTS

Each of us has also been fortunate to be given gifts. Gifts are those attributes that come naturally to us and contribute to other people. Gifts are not truly gifts if they cannot be contributed to the benefit of others. Examples of gifts are:

Love … Friendship … Leadership … Creativity …

Excellence … Safety … Joy… Listening … Honesty … Fun …

Learn your gift (or gifts) and again, write them down and keep them close to your daily living.

Once you know who you are (authentic values and gifts) you are ready to imagine what you want to do with your life, what you want to have in your life and, most importantly, who you want to be. This is as simple as writing a story … a story of how your life would be, could be and will be, if you could have it all.

Writing this story is like writing the screenplay of your life. It can be one page long or 100 pages long. It does not really matter, because for those diligent and deserving souls who get this far in knowing themselves, the rest is easy. The rest, as they say, is almost out of your hands.

WRITE YOUR STORY

As you write it, embrace the authentic YOU that has been uncovered. Write it with all the imagination of Walt Disney and then …

Learn to Believe It!

Most people in the world “believe” that beliefs are inherited, or are solely based on what has already occurred in one’s life. The truth is that all beliefs are learned, and most become self-fulfilling prophecies … meaning they became the truth because someone believed in them enough to make them true.

There are three ways to learn to believe. Either by studying evidence of the intended belief, believing what an authority figure tells us, or just imagining it (affirm it) over and over and over again. Most of what you and I believe today – about life, people, religion and even about politics – we learned from the repeated affirmations by those whom we trust. We can have the same imprinting process on ourselves, by imagining and affirming our own story.

When you have done this so often that you are starting to believe your imagined story, you will have created a vision. By definition, a vision is a story we fully believe, and which we expect to materialize. Visions, by definition, are inevitable.

A vision attracts its components to it like a magnet. A vision creates the motivation to bring it about. Motivation is that mysterious, powerful concoction of enthusiasm, courage, physical energy and creativity that makes things happen. Visions are lucky. Visionaries are the luckiest.

Find the true-blue you. Write the story of your future abundance. Learn to believe it is true for you. And then, all you have to do is hold on to being the best you can be.

Related posts:

1. The Power of Personal Authenticity
2. No Hill For a Climber
3. The Truth About Believing

A Dad’s Point-of-View

by Bruce Sallan

A recent e-mail from my oldest friend, a college professor, stimulated me to reflect on how we search and find work, as well as in small business how we promote and sell ourselves. On this subject, I’ve observed my teen son’s failed efforts to find a summer job. And, finally, I’ve thought about my own recent efforts in designing and launching my own website (www.brucesallan.com).

For me, throughout my life, there was only one thing that worked and it was persistence. I believe, especially in our present economic times, persistence is the primary thing that works.

My old friend the professor had a whole list of very sharp suggestions on how I could better brand (contemporary slang for identifying yourself or your company, as with Nike’s swoosh) my site, my work, and myself. They ranged from hiring a consultant to doing informational interviewing, as well as developing an “elevator speech” (means exactly what you’d expect-a short enough description of your work that could be told in an elevator ride), and much more. As I read and digested his suggestions, I was struck by the fact that my initial reaction was “this is just too much work” and “I like my style better.”

And, what is my style? It’s in-your-face persistence. It’s not taking “No” for an answer and not letting my ego get in the way of following up, repeatedly, on warm leads, to quote my wife’s real estate term for someone who seems interested, but hasn’t committed. This is what I tried to teach my teen son, who just made a lazy and hardly serious effort to find a job when, in these times, he’s literally competing with adults who are looking for minimum wage filler jobs.

He understands very well that he won’t be allowed to drive, since he’s turning sixteen in the fall, unless he meets a couple of conditions. First, he must maintain a “B” average, as insurance rates for teen boys with less than a “B” average are significantly higher. Second, he must contribute to the cost of his driving by earning money–whether in the form of a part-time job, or an entrepreneurial effort. I’ve hoped that some of my recent success in starting a second career would inspire him, along with my frequent lectures on making more of an effort. But, we know how teens tune us out and he’s had the mute switch turned on for quite some time.

The part I truly don’t understand is that Will, like most American teen boys before him, especially in Southern California, can’t wait to drive and gain the independence it brings. He also fantasizes about getting his own car, knowing we won’t be giving him a designer BMW on his birthday like too many parents do in our somewhat upscale area. He knows that he has to have the grades and has to have the income to even have the privilege, and I emphasize that word, to borrow one of our cars. But, his efforts on both counts lack the persistence that I’m advocating.

I don’t want to immodestly praise my own recent efforts, but they are good examples of exactly how it works and what I mean when I say that persistence works. I decided to become a writer, a columnist concerning parenting and male/female issues, at a time when the newspaper business is struggling on a scale that competes with our major car companies’ struggles, as well as a time when Internet magazines and papers haven’t fully figured out a profitable model.

In spite of these obstacles, I’ve been fortunate enough to secure a large number of papers and websites to carry my work. It took thousands of e-mail promotional messages and many hundreds of follow-ups to the “warm” respondents (those that expressed some interest but hadn’t committed) to get here. I’m proud that in a relatively short time, I have a large national presence and a growing international one (I am carried on sites in the U.K., Canada, and India, with one in Australia beginning in the fall).

If I allowed my impatience, ego, or pride to intrude, I’d be back at square one, staring at my computer screen and wishing for results. My son quit at round one, with a few applications at a few places, eliminating those jobs he didn’t like by not applying, and not aggressively following up on most, if not all of those where he did apply. As a result, he doesn’t have a job nor has he figured a way to do odd jobs or other income producing tasks in our neighborhood.

He won’t be driving when he turns sixteen and that lesson is essential regardless of how bad it makes him feel. As his parents, we must not give in to his hurt feelings or feel bad when other of his friends are given more license, so to speak. I can’t motivate him beyond what I’ve already offered and that is the part of being his dad that is so frustrating, since I so want him to benefit from my failures and successes, but I also know he’s got to learn himself and that these harsher lessons will teach him much better than any of my lectures.

But, I will continue to be persistent in my message to him, continue to try and teach him even when I see the mute button is on, and hope that everyone might learn from my assertion that it’s persistence that works best in finding a job, completing a task, or even pursuing a romantic partner.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including a unique Ask Bruce For Advice section, an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 50 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

Picture courtesy of Philip Nordlund

Related posts:

1. Raising Kids Takes a Lot of Luck
2. We’re Giving Our Kids a Worse and Harder World
3. Marriage – It’s Complicated

By Richard B. Brooke

It’s happened to all of us. One day you are plodding through life just fine. Oh sure, things could be better. It would be nice if you were making more money and driving a really classy car. People would really take notice if you advanced to the next level in your company. But for the most part, you are content … doing just fine. Then you bump into and old colleague or college buddy, and suddenly your world isn’t so peachy. You are forced to listen as your friend lists – one by one, leaving all humility aside – his recent achievements and numerous acquisitions.

Why him and not me, you may wonder. And if you are watching associates in the very company you’re in blow by you on their way to the top, your discouragement may turn to disbelief. With the same products and opportunities, why do some people create success while others struggle?

Obviously, there are a lot of factors unique to each of us. Call them challenges, excuses, priorities, circumstances or bad luck. We all have our hills to climb.

With enough motivation, mountains turn into molehills and good luck will prevail.

Motivation is that magic potion of emotional, internal energy that leads us to act powerfully. It’s a synergistic blend of enthusiasm, courage, persistence and creativity that has you looking at your world like a winner. You see it, feel it, and can even taste it. With that kind of magic mood, you and I can and will do anything we choose.

Motivation comes from a crystal-clear, heart-warming, mind-compelling vision – a Technicolor picture of what you see for yourself. A vision perfectly aligned with your goals, true values and natural gifts.

Now you have a choice. You can hope, wish for and want a compelling vision to visit you as it wanders the galaxy. That’s called bumping into motivation; but bumping into it happens about as often as you win the lottery. This, by the way, is how 95 percent of us manage our motivation – by accident.

Or you can grab your destiny like your life depends on it and create a vision that propels you into massive action.

You know how to do it. Think, dream, brainstorm and write. Keep writing and revising your vision until it works for you. Change it as soon as it quits working for you. And if you need help, I encourage you to get your hands on my book, Mach II With Your Hair on Fire.

It’s not easy. If it were, everyone would do it. But it’s what separates those with their “hair on fire” from those with wet heads. It’s up to you.

If you aren’t sure that your vision is powerful, just look at your actions in the past 90 days. Are you lighting up the world with your luck and good fortune? Or are you still struggling?

There’s no hill for a climber with a vision.

Related posts:

1. Leadership That Inspires
2. The Four Greatest Lies of Success
3. You’ll See It When You Believe It

By Richard B. Brooke

I listen with interest each year, as parents share their angst over the rising costs of sending their kids off to college. It’s not just parents of college-aged kids; it’s a topic on the hearts and minds of nearly every parent at some point. After all, doesn’t a college education guarantee a successful future?

After barely graduating high school with a D average (and only after I cheated off my best friend’s Civics final), it was no surprise that college wasn’t in the cards for me. It’s not that I didn’t have the intelligence or ambition. In fact, I wanted the benefits of a lucrative career. I just lacked the patience to muddle through more of what I had just escaped. Sound familiar to any of you?

As luck would have it, early in my career path I was introduced to Network Marketing and embarked on a whole new kind of education. Coincidentally, it wasn’t until halfway through my fourth year that I began to really apply what I was learning and experienced phenomenal results. And the rest, as they say, is history.

IMAGINE a whole new kind of college education …

Money magazine reports that colleges nationwide continue to jack up tuition four times faster than the inflation rate. With college costs escalating – and average salaries dropping – you may find yourself asking: Is a college education worth the price?

THE CURRENT PARADIGM LOOKS LIKE THIS:

You save a substantial amount in your child’s first 18 years to pay the $25,000 to $50,000 a year for him or her to earn a four-year degree. Often, there is no clear outcome in mind; no clear career plan or income path.

They go to school for four years, studying many of the same subjects they did in high school: history, math, English, etc.

They earn little or no income. Had they held a full-time job, this lost income would be more than $100,000 over those four years. Lost income plus expenses adds up to $200,000 to $300,000 per child. And you are out the cash with no recourse … keeping your fingers crossed that your investment will pay off for them.

They graduate from college having learned how to get – and hopefully keep – a J.O.B. working for someone else. For those of us acquainted with the harsh realities of the workaday world, there is little security in that.

WHAT IF IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

A university staffed by people who love to give back – teachers, coaches and mentors. Many are successful Network Marketing leaders who live a life of choice and contribution. The economic paradigm shift is staggering.

Using the Network Marketing model, the UNIVERSITY is a distributor in your favorite MLM company. You would sponsor the University, which in turn would sponsor your child.

There is no tuition. The University earns based on how successful the student becomes. It earns on as many different distributorships as it has students. There are hundreds of MLM companies involved, and therefore thousands of income centers funneling in. With no significant overhead except for staff, the University is very profitable.

You are not out any tuition and the University stands to earn – potentially forever – based on the efforts of your child. Plus, you get to invest the $100,000 you would have spent and watch it grow.

Your child learns invaluable life skills, like leadership, self-motivation, public speaking, listening, sales, self-esteem building, team building, project management and all aspects of marketing.

Your child works all four years to build his or her own Network Marketing Empire. They learn how to market themselves and their products; how and where to find prospects, to approach and language their offers, to give effective presentations, to speak powerfully to groups, and manage their business profits/losses and growth. They are held accountable to hit their numbers each week: numbers of approaches, presentations and new representatives.

Graduation is achieved by reaching a specific level in the comp plan, with a residual income of $4,000 to $5,000 a month – which exceeds the average first-year income for most college grads. If they do not graduate, they “stay in school” until they get it.

Upon graduation your child is free to design their own life, either continuing in Network Marketing, or pursuing a full-time career.

What could you have done with your life had you graduated college with a residual income of $4,000 to $5,000 a month? Would you have chosen the same career path you did, or would you have done something more fun and rewarding? How would you have invested that extra income over the past 10, 20, or 30 years? How much more net worth would you have? How would your parents lives been changed, had they redirected tuition into their own financial freedom and fun? How would their lives be different had you earned them $4,000 to $5,000 a month since college?

I am NOT advocating that a college education is NOT valuable. It is. And if the student has an entrepreneurial spirit, they are likely to be in business for themselves eventually anyway. Why burden them (and your bank account) with a traditional algebra education, which they may never use. Think Bill Gates, Michael Dell, Steve Jobs, Larry Ellison and Richard Branson – none of whom have college degrees, yet are wildly successful.

Since the MLM University does not yet exist, you can start your kids on this path by instilling the principles of Network Marketing early on. Create a vision for your own success and you will naturally model for them what is possible. Then mentor and encourage them to achieve their own greatness.

Now there’s an education you can take to the bank.

THINK ABOUT IT …

Do you think this idea is crazy?

Would you enroll your children in such a program?

Are your children going to inherit your business?

Related posts:

1. Does Anyone Really Make Money in Network Marketing?
2. The Four Greatest Lies of Success
3. Financial Advice For Single Parents

By Richard B. Brooke

Have you ever seen the little children in undeveloped, impoverished countries on the news? Notice how happy they seem, unless they are starving or sick (which many of them are). Have you ever wondered how that can be? How can children with so little – and with so little future – seem so happy, carefree and full of joy?

Do you remember what you were like as a small child … say from the age of 3 to about age 10 or 12? Do you remember what you daydreamed about? What you loved doing or playing or learning? Do you remember anything about what you dreamed you would do someday when you grew up? Do you remember what was important to you? Was it Play … Winning … Friendship … Family … Nature … Adventure … Cooking … Creating … Caretaking?

The most authentic and, dare I say, personally evolved people on the planet are children.

When we were children anything was not only possible, but expected. Anything we wanted, we believed we could have – and have right now. Anything we wanted to do, we believed we could do right now, without any interference or negotiating. The world was our oyster. It could be no other way – not because we were insecure, selfish clods, but because our very existence made the world our candy store, in which we had unlimited credit.

From that perfect cocoon we developed a natural and permanent set of preferences about how we want to experience life. Some of us want adventure, others safety. Some creativity, others caretaking. These are what are often referred to in today’s psychology as our core values - those values that define our happiness, our peace and our power. As long as we get to do these things and embrace these preferences, we are in our groove and life is good – whether we are 7 or 67.

But just as we began to get into our groove – not long after we learn to communicate, discover our options, and gain some life experience – a powerful force (times two, in most cases) started to take shape in our lives. These two very powerful, very large forces were the key to our very existence, for they provided the home in which we got our most basic needs met: shelter and food. These two giants that permeated every second of our existence were, of course, our PARENTS.

Parents almost always have good intentions and almost always are a great contribution in our lives, beyond just keeping us alive. But for all of the good they are, parents are often the biggest challenge to our growing up to live out our dreams with that very early, very core set of very personal preferences … our core values.

You see, most parents missed Parenting 101, Childhood Psychology 102 and Authenticity 103 in school. They missed them because they do not exist. Parenting in our society usually follows the model of nature. It is expected to just be instinctive.

One instinct, which is certainly admirable, is wanting our children to be the best they can be … to be smart, strong and successful. More insidious is our desire for our children to be “right.” And what better way for them to be “right” than for them to be just like us. So early on, parents set out to make sure their children become just like them – with the right beliefs, the right habits, the right ethics, the right skills, hobbies, careers, religions; and even the right sports teams.

You may remember the relentless insistence that as a child you were expected by your parents to do things this way or that, see things this way or that, say things this way or that. Some of those lessons are so deeply ingrained they sing to us even today, like some old nursery rhymes. These are called imposed values.

Parents, with their inherent power and the barter of food and shelter are no match for young children with nothing but naturally developed preferences. This creates an unavoidable conflict between imposed versus core values.

And so the process of becoming inauthentic begins. It began with the very first “should.” You should do this (in other words, you better do this, or else!). We learned to push our core values deeper inside of us … hiding them away for a safer day to play. We kept putting on the clothes laid out for us every morning and every night … the clothes we should wear. The clothes we must wear, or else. Layer after layer of who we should be – to be right, and to be acceptable, and to be loved. Each layer stole more and more of our spiritual self, our natural free-flowing essence … our power.

Sadly even after our parents have passed, many of us live in fear of disappointing them. Can you see how insidious and powerful that internal programming is?

So how do you start to take off the layers of your parents’ hand-me-down clothes? The path of personal development is a path of authenticity. Authenticity is simply rediscovering and liberating our core values. Sometimes they are the same as some of our parents’. And always there are suppressed core values dying to be freed.

The more you and I live our lives to the tune of our own drummer, the more authentic and the more peaceful and powerful we are.

To support you in rediscovering your core values, I ask that you honestly answer the following questions:

Who would you choose to be and what would you love to do if there was no one (not any one … not your parents, grandparents, respected teachers, colleagues, friends, etc.) to stand in judgment?

What would you wear? What would your hobbies be? How would you spend your time and money?

In other words, who would you be if you had the full permission of everyone who loved you? Almost always we would be someone different than who we are.

Now, quietly and alone, begin to sculpt your authentic self – not from who you are now, but from who you are at the core. Peel off the layers. Let the Magnificent You shine through. Describe the Magnificent You in detail; write it down.

How do you look?

How do you feel?

What do you love to do and how do you do it?

What is truly important to you?

What sets you free?

What makes you feel your very best?

What lets you love freely?

What inspires and sets you on your path to greatness?

Write it all in the present tense, creating positive images with your words. Affirm it. Read it daily. Gather pictures, and music, and quotes to support it. Study it like you did your nursery rhymes as a kid … the songs and poems you learned by heart.

Think about what “by heart” means. It becomes part of who we are, existing in every cell of our body, laced throughout our spirit.

This process does work to peel off the layers of “others’ visions for you” and expose the true essence of you. It works because the process of visualizing the new you – regardless of your mindless chatter about it – over time trains your emotional, spiritual and unconscious self to believe and accept it.

It works because it is merely training the powerful part of you to shine again. It is already in there, always has been, covered up by a thousand wet blankets.

My greatest mentor told me in the late 70s that all personal power comes from self-honesty. I see authenticity as the same thing. Allowing ourselves to be the “real deal” lets our personal power run wild. It is an extraordinary process of rebirthing, if you will. This is one you can try at home.

Related posts:

1. Leadership That Inspires
2. Being The Best You Can Be
3. Program Your Own Success

By Richard B. Brooke

Think of a time when you really wanted something badly. When your need to have or achieve it consumed your thoughts, yet your mind convinced you it was out of reach or unattainable.

One of the greatest mysteries that surround the elusive nature of success, happiness and peace of mind is revealed when we understand one simple truth: Desire – in and of itself – means little and moves nothing.

The truth is, what you and I want matters little in this life. Everyone wants health, wealth, happiness and wisdom. Not everyone has these qualities, nor will they achieve them. Occasionally we do manage to enjoy one, or even all of them, for a time. It is this accidental bumping into success that has led us to believe that if we want something badly enough – and if we work hard enough for it – we are assured of getting it.

Good intentions are not, however, enough for us to rally the forces of nature to provide its abundance for us. There are other laws of nature with which we are less familiar and less skilled at employing. These laws are so available and powerful that merely practicing them produces enormous and rapid abundance.

What matters is what we expect of ourselves; what we believe is inevitable for us. What matters is our mindset about who we are and what we deserve.

It is not enough to want, wish or hope. It is not enough to set goals or work hard. We must affirm over and over again in our mind’s eye and in our heart that what we want is inevitable. We must see it, hear it, taste it and feel it happening right now. And we must do this regardless of any and all evidence to the contrary. We must establish faith (defined as belief without evidence) in our quest. We must act as though, pray as though, and move through our world as though what we want … ALREADY IS.

As human beings, we have the distinct advantage of having the extraordinary inability to distinguish between the real and the very well-imagined. A crystal-clear vision that is well rehearsed over and over becomes real, regardless of any evidence to the contrary. This is how you and I can turn our desires into our realities.

Pick a Number

Money is often seen as a villain in our lives, when actually it is merely an amplifier of our intentions. It can make bad intentions worse, as well as good intentions better. Our lives can be enhanced tremendously with financial freedom. Freedom to make our avocation our occupation. Freedom to give our time and money. Freedom to pursue our childhood dreams – and our adult fascinations.

You don’t necessarily have to be rich monetarily to enjoy these freedoms. What would you do differently in your life if you could just maintain your current income without going to work?

Now take a minute to dream a little. Pick a number … any income that would really alter your life, yet is still believable. Can you see yourself earning an extra thousand a month? What would you do with it? How would you make your life more fulfilling, more secure, and more adventuresome? How would you maximize your education, your personal and spiritual development?

Now write a vision of your life and the freedom you have just imagined. Describe it in detail, with as much passion, emotion and enthusiasm as possible. The key to having your subconscious mind access and believe in your vision is to make it vivid, clear and full of every detail, including the most important detail: how you feel.

Whether it’s in the area of your wealth, relationships, health, achievements, or all of the above – take charge of your future. Have the courage to direct its course. Be responsible for creating your life of choice. Our world will amaze you with its generosity. It is not without a price, yet if you chose a course dear to your heart, it is a price you will love to pay.

THINK ABOUT IT …

Which one area of your life do you most desire improvement?

• Wealth
• Personal Relationships
• Health
• Occupation
• Education
• Avocations
• Time
• Philanthropy & Community Service
• Personal Development
• Spiritual Development
• Peace of Mind

Do you have a written, crystal-clear vision that supports your desire?

Do you read it daily to affirm its inevitability?

Related posts:

1. Program Your Own Success
2. Leadership That Inspires
3. The Power of Personal Authenticity

By Richard B. Brooke

World history is full of powerful leaders; men and women who changed the direction of societies, business and culture. Nothing is more valuable to our society’s health. Yet today, leadership often feels like a missing link in business, politics, religion, education and even the family.

Sure, leadership exists. But it is seldom the kind of long-term guidance that inspires us to move powerfully in a direction that we would not necessarily move on our own initiative. And often, it lacks energy and deliberate, purposeful action.
A Vision That Contributes

More than anything, a leader has a crystal-clear Vision that is compelling enough, and contributes enough, to inspire us to pursue it. Not only do leaders have a clear Vision, they are a clear Vision to those they endeavor to lead. And they communicate in such a way that the Vision stays on the forefront of our hearts and minds.

A Vision is a living-color picture of a goal – one you can see, hear, smell, taste, and feel – held as a powerful, inevitable expectation. Visions are goals for which we are on a collision course to blow right through, and our motivation is sourced in them.

A leader listens in such a way that we feel heard; not necessarily agreed with, but at least heard and honored. They also ask us to do things that, if left to our own thinking, we would consider unreasonable, impossible or outrageous. Not things that violate our values – on the contrary, things that actually honor our values.

As a result of who they are, and how they speak and act, leaders cause us to feel stronger, happier, more “on fire” about our future. And this motivation prompts us to be powerful in our pursuits.

Character That Withstands Scrutiny

Leaders act with the ethics, morals, character and principles that are expected by their followers. A leader’s actions are consistent with his or her promises. We can count on a leader to have the integrity to be who they say they are, and to share themselves wholly and authentically – their fears, their weaknesses, their strengths and their power.

A leader stays on the path of personal and character development, knowing that none of us ever arrive. They understand that as soon as we act as if we have no room to grow, we lose our power to lead.

Just Do It … Anyway

All great endeavors are fraught with risk and adversity. Leaders are powerfully motivated by their Visions to stay on course to their goals, regardless of the obstacles. They are eternally enthusiastic. They have the courage to face their fears and go where others are afraid to go.

Leaders generate the physical wellness and energy to do the work. They possess the persistence to immediately regroup and relaunch when needed. They unleash their innate creativity to solve problems and adopt positive interpretations of all circumstances. Their journey is not dependent on what anyone thinks or whether anyone follows. They just do it … anyway!

I believe that leadership is the greatest profession of the 21^st century. Nowhere will it be more richly rewarded than in the people enrichment business. That’s our business, and I challenge you to step out and take it on. You’ll love the adventure.

THINK ABOUT IT …

Throughout history, who do you feel is (or was) the kind of leader described above?

Examine your own leadership qualities. Where do you shine and where do you need improvement?

Do you invest your time and resources in developing your leadership skills?

Related posts:

1. No Hill For a Climber
2. Program Your Own Success
3. You’ll See It When You Believe It