Good Men Step In To Become Dads

By  Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life

My single mother collected bottles on Miami Beach for money. I know because she told me.

I was on Google Earth recently to learn more about that “beach-bottle” time. I had a frayed document with the Miami address. After I punched it in, I was beamed down to float right above our Miami apartment.

I hovered over the laneway that my mother had to have walked down to find her bottles. I stared at a great swath of sand at the end of the laneway, sharing the pain, shame and poverty that my mother must have felt. Read more

Pep Talk Video by The Comeback Coach Inspired by Single Mom

“Hang On”

In this week’s Pep Talk video, the Comeback Coach, inspired by single women passionately performing double duty, encourages others to “hang on” during challenging times.

The Favorite Single Parent Syndrome

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July Weekend. It should be a time for family, barbecues, backyard  games and maybe some fireworks.

Single parents and divorced parents sometimes face a different kind of fireworks that doesn’t need Independence Day to be set off.

Over the weekend I heard and witnessed some situations that got me thinking about what parents, especially divorced parents, do to be the favorite in the eyes of their children. Read more

Internet Dating 101 and How I Met My Wife

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan
Special to Single Dad Life

When I got separated and then divorced six years ago, the world of dating had gone through a change. Internet dating was well underway and the quaint idea of friends introducing you to other friends seemed to have gone the way of the horse and buggy. There were still bars and clubs, but those options didn’t appeal to me when I was young enough to consider them, and when my hearing was still good enough to survive the over-the-top decibels in such environments.

So, it was a brand new world for this middle-aged guy, and Internet dating was the method-du-jour. I had my two young sons full-time so dating of any kind meant babysitters, or meeting during school hours. Later, the issues became how much to disclose to the boys and when and if I should introduce them to a date. Read more

Reading Single Parent Blogs Could Save Marriages

Usually when beginning a project such as this, you believe you have something of value to share, or believe something is missing in the current landscape of websites that you can provide.

One of the surprising benefits of developing Single Dad Life, is becoming part of the single parent community or actually, the parent community as a whole. While I do hear from single dads, and obviously with the website name, that is the target of the information, single moms have provided great support.

I must admit, this kind of shocked me. It was not a goal to hear from single moms. I did make it a conscious decision early on to try and not raise the ire of single moms. I didn’t want to purchase a supply of neosporin for my cuts and bruises (easy just kidding moms ). But also, I felt their is so much negativity in the relationship between single dads and single moms in the press,  I did not want Single Dad Life to be about complaining and whining. I also didn’t want to “live” in that arena. Read more

No Excuse Not To Be Involved

By Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life

They say it takes a village to raise a child. That is true, but 50 per cent of any village is made up of men and a good percentage of those guys are daddies.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with the primal assumption that fathers need to play a part in raising their children. If they all got up and left their children alone in the village, it would create a river of tears.
The women would be crying not because they feel sorry for themselves, but because they know their children are in pain. Good mothers are incapable of seeing their children suffer. Read more

Kids deserve straight teeth and success at school

By Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life

Even in war, there are rules of civilized engagement. Men in suits gave these rules a great brand – the Geneva Conventions. They represent the bottom line on how people should behave in war.

No matter where you and your ex are at this moment, there are non-negotiable child-related issues that you must immediately come to terms with, regardless of your relationship, politics or court agreement.

It is necessary to reduce the cacophony to the essentials, aside from the most important, being loved; I’m talking about straight teeth and school work.

We all want our children to do well in life. Maybe we single parents want it just a tad more because we often feel so guilty about what we have “chosen” to put our kids through. I say “chosen” because I am a big proponent of taking ultimate responsibility for the relationship choices we have made in life.

Like it or not, we have chosen every moment with our ex. George Costanza put it another way: “It’s not you, it’s me.” And if Bill Clinton were a single parent, the sign on his wall would be, “It’s not the court, stupid, it’s me.”

Our children need straight teeth and a successful school experience to have a decent a shot at having a good life, and not one nanosecond of single-parent garbage should get in the way of that.

Teeth are an ultimate physical bottom line. You can be the Hunchback of Notre Dame and still find a great job or launch your own business empire if you have a great set of white, straight teeth. Whatever we have to do to ensure that our child could star in a Crest commercial if they wanted to, we have to do it.

If the access agreement states it’s single Mom who has the responsibility to pay the dental bills, but she can’t afford to, single Dad doesn’t spend one moment fuming, swearing or cancelling any dental appointments. Rather, you calmly foot the bill with no hesitation. If you can’t, sell something, anything.

Quid pro quo. If single Dad can’t pay, then single Mom pays in silence.

Unconditional teamwork is also essential in your child’s school work. Single parents must climb out of their respective trenches and find a way to meet in no man’s land to be on top of their child’s school progress.

For children to do the best they can in school, they should know that both parents are equally supporting their time and work there. Against all odds, we single parents need to sit down with our kids together, present a unified front and calmly discuss how school is going and what we can do to help.

We need to meet with their teacher with our ex, listen, respond, and then meet with our children to pay the necessary compliments and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve their life in school.

White, straight teeth and a successful school life – our children can’t leave home without them. It’s our responsibility, no matter what.

You can contact Peter by emailing him at peter@geronimocode.com

The Joy of Single Parent Sex – Really

Talk about an oxymoron and a book title not yet found on any shelf: The Joy of Single Parent Sex.

Surely it’s more relevant to single moms and dads to discuss the angst, court system, and the struggle to find a common ground with our Ex for the sake of our children.

Neither “single parent hedonism” nor “single parent sex” is found on Google. But “grandparents and sex” is. Up popped “grandparents caught in compromising position on the beach”.

I take great delight in finding something positive in an unexpected place, such as when I was 13 and found a Playboy magazine tucked into Uncle Moe’s bookshelf.

Years later, the unexpected place is the single parent home and the subject is sex.

Here is why I think there is joy in single parent sex:

When you’re out on a date and the person opposite you looks as perfect as a hot cup of coffee on a Sunday morning before the kids are awake, you can both talk about how you love your kids and actually get turned on a little more because knowing your date or lover, like you, loves their children, is wonderful common ground.

There is little chance either of you is a swinger because a great single parent can’t possibly have the time. And both of you will likely greatly appreciate the sex, as in “Thank you, Lord.”

Because the interval between sexual encounters is likely to be months or (gulp), years, each time is, well, like the first time. There is no way any single parent is going to approach sex with the words: “Oh yawn, I have to have sex again.”

And so, each roll in the hay, assuming the affection is mutual as it should be, is engaged in with great enthusiasm. You and your mate can bring your cellphones to the night table, both of you understanding it’s perfectly fine if your sex is interrupted by a phone call from either the babysitter or your teenager who is drunk and needs you to pick her up.

Not only would such an interruption not be a reason to get angry with the partner who must put their clothes back on after finally locating their underwear buried in the bedclothes, but in no time – say, the next day – it would also be an anecdote to share a laugh about.

You can tell anyone – the most cynical people you know, even your parents – that you had sex and they’ll be happy for you.

There are many reasons to be grateful for and inspired by your single parenthood. It can be a rewarding lifestyle, regardless of the fact that “woe is me” is too often attached to our current lot in life. (We’ll visit those reasons in subsequent columns.)

But for now, it’s summer, it’s hot, you’re hot, and every magazine out there talks about the joy of sex or how to have great sex.

I wanted to pay homage to the sex life of the world’s fastest growing family configuration, single parents.

We know all about sex. None of us is a virgin.

You can contact Peter at peter@geroninocode.com