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Time For John Edwards To Be Single Dad

admin — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:58:07 +0000

By Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life

There is a way back for John Edwards but it’s going to take courage and commitment.

Mr. Edwards needs to step up to a microphone and announce to the world, in a clear and unequivocal voice, that he is determined to take on the role and responsibilities associated with being the single father he truly seems to be.
According to press reports, a secret DNA test proved he was the father of the baby he fathered with Ms. Rielle Hunter. And if you look at the baby’s face, it’s obvious – Frances’ father is John Edwards.

I remember looking at a photograph of John Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth renewing their vows and I thought, what a joke, because John Edwards is exchanging vows with the wrong girl.

Instead he should making a vow to Frances that, in consensus with her single mom, Ms. Rielle Hunter, he will take care of her as her father for the rest of her days.

Edwards is committing the ultimate sin at this moment. He is abandoning his child, and as I wrote previously for Single Dad Life, there is no excuse not to be involved. No man who abandons his child has the right to hold public office.

He has chosen to put his daughter into that great abyss of a black hole that is the final and unavoidable destination of all children who do not know where their father is.

Edwards has the resources and resolve to take care of his new daughter. He merely needs to call upon both to do the right thing.
As for his wife Elizabeth, according to her book she “begged” for fidelity. Well, it’s time for her to take responsibility for this relationship. If you have to “beg” for fidelity going into a marriage, let’s face it, he’s just not that into you.
And the fact that he cheats on his wife, while she has cancer is further proof that John Edwards doesn’t really want to stay married to her. His renewal of vows was a photo-op and that’s all it was.

I would have a lot more respect for Mrs. Edwards if she put forward the proposition that every child and I mean “every child” needs to know who their father is and have consistent contact with that father.

As a mother herself, she should understand that she needs to give John permission to do whatever it takes to see that that happens. For example, “why not invite Frances over to stay the weekend with us?”

Their marriage was likely finished years ago. They stayed married for his political career and their children.

But we wise single dads know, you don’t stay married for the children. In the end that only hurts the children, because children are uber-perceptive and all they witness and learn is how to conduct a loveless relationship.

Mr. Edwards, it’s time for you to step up to the plate, declare yourself the single father you are and undertake the responsibilities that come with the most wonderful job in the world – being a dad.

Do that and you have a chance at having a political career again, because you will have shown Americans that you’re not a deadbeat dad, you’re someone who took responsibility.

Feel free to contact Peter Ehrlich via his website - www.geronimocode.com

or directly via peter@geronimocode.com

John Edwards picture courtesy of Alex DeCarvalho

A Conversation with the Founder & Editor

Barry — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 15:27:57 +0000

Yesterday, I was interviewed by Joanie Winberg, on Blogtalkradio.com/Single Again. She is also the of Founder of The National Association of Divorce for Women and Children- www.NADWC.com.

What a wonderful experience. Joanie was so easy to talk to and it really felt like we were just having a conversation. I look forward to working with her on more projects in the future.

I think you will enjoy the discussion. Just click on the BlogTalk Radio logo below and give a few moments for it to load. The interview lasts for about 30 minutes.

I would be very interested in reading your feedback. Thanks for listening and I appreciate you stopping by!

No related posts.

Single Dad Of The Year

Barry — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:58:46 +0000

We searched for just the right single dad to be our inaugural Single Dad Life, Single Dad Of The Year. No one is more deserving than our winner. He is a shining example of doing whatever it takes to support, love, and nurture their child.

Our winner adopted his newborn son, Joseph, at the age of 45.

As a special teams coach in the NFL, he shows how a man involved day to day, in such a physical and often violent game on the field, can be caring and sensitive towards his son off the field.

If the pull between the long hours and being a single dad wasn’t difficult enough, he would soon learn his toddler was autistic. The initial doctor’s report did not have a positive outlook. Joseph would need adult supervision his entire life and might never learn to speak. After seeking a second opinion, he learned that with intensive intervention, it is possible for autistic children to overcome many hurdles and make terrific advances.

Just as in football, he diagrammed a strategy to help his son.

Today he loves to spread his message of hope to families with autism, and is very active with Autism Speaks and All Pro Dad. He is inspiring and moving when he speaks to others about the joys and responsibilities of being a parent.

Please join with Single Dad Life and congratulate our winner Joe Marciano, special teams coach in the NFL for the Houston Texans , and our first Single Dad Of The Year Winner!

Read the complete story at Joe Marciano’s story in a Sporting News story

Gratitude – A Dad’s Point-of-View

admin — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:35:31 +0000

A Dad’s Point-of-View

by Bruce Sallan

Perspective is something that allows us to appreciate our lives, our families, and our country. Lately, with so much bad news surrounding us, and after just returning from Africa where such extreme poverty exists everywhere, I find myself reflecting on one of those “People” magazine-type stories about someone living through a life threatening experience and coming out a changed person. It’s a story I’ve shared with my boys, when they were upset about a trivial matter, as it happened to me in June 2005.

Driving alone on 395, I fell asleep at the wheel. In the middle of nowhere with only my dog as company, and the cruise control set in the low 70s, I drifted off to sleep as the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon, in spite of a Monster drink (Red Bull equivalent) and in spite of stopping several times to stretch and do some jumping jacks. Lost in thought, I just slipped away to “Neverland.” Well, “Neverland” almost became just that; never more.

Startled awake as the car drove screamingly over the shoulder, I quickly realized what had happened. Grabbing the wheel and holding on for dear life, trying desperately to control the swerving bucking SUV, I didn’t even remember if I hit the brakes. Mind going at light-speed, the car crashed through a barbed wire barrier and headed down into a river wash. Over boulders the size of large beach balls, the car literally flew nose-first into the wash. The momentum carried the car into a front side flip, spiraling over once or twice (no one knows for sure as no one witnessed it), landing right side up, facing the opposite direction.

Steaming, all air bags released, the smell of burning rubber in the air, I took what felt like my first breath. First thought: I’m alive and apparently not bleeding, though I felt a growing swelling around my right eye. Second thought: is my dog okay. Third thought: somebody up there likes me. The driver’s door was stuck but I was able to pry it open. I called out my dog’s name, but he seemed nowhere to be found. Gradually fearing I had killed my beloved dog, I began circling the wreck, calling his name. Each larger circle revealed more car wreckage and parts strewn in the stream, as well as CDs flung far away and other stuff thrown from the car. After a couple of minutes, though it felt like an eternity, my dog came bounding over the edge of the river wash, from the direction we had careened from.

On first inspection, he seemed miraculously okay. But, I soon noticed a limp from his right front paw. Nonetheless, the reality that my dog and I were okay was just beginning to hit me. Now what. I reached to my side to find my cell-phone. Not there. Looked on my wrist for his watch. Not there. Heading back to the car, I searched and found my cell-phone on the floor of the passenger compartment. It was on and it had reception, though this area was notorious for intermittent cell signals. Called 911.

I couldn’t describe to the dispatcher where I was, other than in a river wash adjacent to an overpass. I remembered, vaguely, the last city I passed. She asked if I needed an ambulance and I said “maybe.” She said a CHP officer would be there shortly. I put my dog on his leash and went up the incline of the wash and tied him up by the overpass. On the way, I saw fresh poop, evidently from my dog that had been flung from the car somewhere on the ride. Back to the car, and a bit calmer now, I looked it over. The front right wheel was flat on the ground, like a hovercraft. The sunroof was buckled. All the air bags were opened, but now deflated. Car parts were everywhere as was broken glass, yet no cuts on me. Amazing. The car was obviously toast so I began getting together what was worth salvaging. Couldn’t find my watch, which had been strapped on my wrist.

20 minutes later the CHP officer arrived. He quickly assessed the situation and determined where the car had veered off the highway, some 300 yards up the road. He tracked its direction, through 3 layers of the barbed wire fence, over the boulders and up into the wash, flipping somewhere near the bottom. He said it was a miracle anyone survived, let alone with nothing more than an apparent black eye. He also said that usually anyone (or any animal) thrown from a vehicle ends up dead; another miracle that my dog was fine. He also noted that this stretch of highway was divided and that the majority of the highway is two-lanes in both directions. So? He explained that if I’d veered off to the left, just as I had on this divided portion of the highway, but done so on the two-lane portion of the highway, I would’ve potentially gone head on into another car going the other direction. 70 mph times two; hmmm, you do the math, you figure the consequences.

And, finally, he commented that given where the car had landed, basically under an overpass, it was unlikely anyone would’ve noticed the wreck. Had I been unable to extricate myself from the smoldering car, it was anyone’s guess how long I would have been trapped. A couple of hours later, my dog and I were heading back home, in a rental car.

About 8 hours after leaving my house, in the dark early hours of the morning, I returned home. A shower revealed my only other injury, besides a mildly sore neck and shoulders, was an extremely minor scratch on my calf. Oh, the CHP officer found my watch in the car, still strapped but working fine. Another curiosity. What purpose was there for me to continue living? Why was I sparred when so many die in much calmer accidents? Would I actually make good on this blessing of another chance. Would I ever again get upset over the little stuff, such as traffic, a hang-nail, waiting in line, being put on hold, a meal not coming out just right, a crowded or late flight, a cold, a trip to the dentist, etc. Life is a miracle and I had just lived one. As we drive this particular stretch of highway often, to go to our local ski resort, I am regularly reminded of my incredible good fortune and my gratitude still holds true and strong to this day.

UPDATE – I just returned from a trip to Mammoth where, for the first time since the accident, I actually left in the dark of early morning. I caffeinated up and had nary a sleepy moment. However, also for the first time since this accident, I looked for and stopped at the site of the accident. It was about 7 a.m. and the roads were quiet and the air was still. I walked the last bit of path that my car had gone, stepped over the bent wire fence post that held the barbed wire, un-repaired in the subsequent nearly 4 years, and walked over the large boulders my car had hurdled and flipped over. Into the riverbed I went, looking for any remnants of the accident as so many pieces of my car and interior were strewn about at the time. I didn’t want to stay long, but found nothing. No surprise as it was a riverbed. What was surprising to me is that, on seeing again the site of the accident, the absolute miracle that I walked away so completely unscathed. I have to look above and give thanks, yet again.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including a unique Ask Bruce For Advice section, an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 50 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12.

Pep Talk Video by The Comeback Coach Inspired by Single Mom

admin — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:44:21 +0000

“Hang On”

In this week’s Pep Talk video, the Comeback Coach, inspired by single women passionately performing double duty, encourages others to “hang on” during challenging times.

What is a “Real” Man?

admin — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:34:18 +0000

By Rick Johnson

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you are just naturally drawn to a certain man? People like being around him. You can’t quite put your finger on what it is, but you know you like it. When he comes into a room or walks down the street people automatically notice him-they see something different about him. There’s something invigorating and compelling about him. It’s exciting and even a little dangerous to be around him. He’s calm but confident, relaxed but prepared, kind but authentic, and bold but compassionate. You feel safe and better about yourself in his presence.

You’ve just encountered authentic masculinity. It’s rare, but it’s out there.

One of the most misunderstood questions today is, “What is a real man?” In this two-part article we’ll look at some false attributes our culture thinks a “real” man possesses and then we’ll investigate what authentic masculinity really looks like.

Our society typically ascribes a dismal role to men, with low or no expectations of nobility or greatness. Few portrayals of men in the media are positive. Television shows and commercials often cast men as bumbling idiots with their wives as the competent ones in the family. This subtle attack on masculinity (all done under the guise of humor, which makes it acceptable) serves to make men question their worth and value.

I recently spoke at a church on the topic of “Why Men Matter.” This was an inspirational talk on the value of men in families and our society. Afterwards an elderly man approached me and said, “For my whole life as an adult man, over 50 years, all I’ve ever heard was the faults of masculinity. I’ve never been told I was important and valuable. To think I wasted all these years feeling bad about myself–thank you so much for telling me I mattered!”

Our culture patterns a somewhat perverted stereotype of what a man should be. Young men raised without fathers are especially confused by the images projected to them by today’s professional athletes, rap stars, and movies actors (many who were also raised without positive male role models) that model men as being self-indulgent, self-focused, hedonistic, or even violent.

Hollywood’s version of a man’s man is a kind of “leader of the pack,” alpha male; the kind of man other men look up to and try to emulate. He is typically a womanizer or at least able to charm all women into bed at will. He’s rugged, handsome, and tough. He can win against all odds and he doesn’t need any help from man or even God.

We learn early in life that to be successful we have to perform well. Cultural masculinity appears to hinge on the combination of the ability to make money (lots of it), have power, the adoration of many females, and sexual prowess. Here’s why these “performance” myths are false and even dangerous:

First of all hear this clearly. Money and power mean nothing. Men, you already have unprecedented power just by virtue of your gender. God has given each man the ability to change the world by himself! How you choose to use that power is another issue.

Secondly, money is just a tool. Making money is not hard. Anyone can make a lot of money. I’ve made a lot of money and lost a lot of money in my lifetime. Having owned several businesses I understand that making money is not difficult if your objective is just to become wealthy. For instance anyone could start a pornographic web site and make tons of money. You can cheat on business deals and take advantage of employees as a business owner and make lots of cash. However, making money with integrity is more difficult; becoming successful while maintaining your moral compass is more of a challenge and requires significant effort. Some of the most miserable men I know have a lot of money.

Third, having sex with scores of women is not difficult either. Many women, especially those reared without a father or who have been abused by men early in life, are easy targets for men without scruples. They are vulnerable to words that they wish to hear. These women desire masculine affection and validation so much that they willingly (if unwittingly) confuse sex for intimacy. But using women to confirm our manhood is a particularly non-effective tactic many men fall into. Unfortunately, femininity cannot ever bestow masculinity upon us, only masculinity can bestow masculinity. We know this in our heart-it’s why men raised by only women are often frustrated in the world of men. In the same way that a mother cannot bestow masculinity upon her son, a woman cannot bestow masculinity upon a man by sleeping with him. In other words even though we often consider sexual conquests or even the first act of sexual intercourse as the mark of manhood, a woman (even through sexual union) cannot grant that mantle upon a male. Some of the most immature, childish, and unhappy men I know sleep with a multitude of women.

Too often we men settle for judging ourselves by our sexual accomplishments, acquiring material possessions, conquering challenges, or sleeping with women in order to prove our manhood. Generally we do this when we have not had authentic role models to show us how a man acts. We then turn to posturing to try and show the world that we are in fact a “man.”

We have to find a way to give boys and young men a vision of masculinity that is greater and more inspiring than just making a lot of money or sleeping with as many women as possible.

We’ll address that issue in the second half of this article.

Article courtesy of Rick Johnson, Founder of BetterDads.net

For more on this subject pick up a copy of Rick’s book, Power of a Man, The: Using Your Influence as a Man of Character

The Scent of a Man

The Favorite Single Parent Syndrome

Barry — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:34:19 +0000

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July Weekend. It should be a time for family, barbecues, backyard games and maybe some fireworks.

Single parents and divorced parents sometimes face a different kind of fireworks that doesn’t need Independence Day to be set off.

Over the weekend I heard and witnessed some situations that got me thinking about what parents, especially divorced parents, do to be the favorite in the eyes of their children.

The feeling of needing to be “liked” more, is one of the hidden and one of the least discussed dynamic between divorced parents. Often times it is the culprit of the negative comments a single mom or single dad expresses to their children about the other parent.

Whether parents want to admit to this feeling or not, it is there. That twinge they feel when their child comes home after being with the other parent, talking excitedly about the fun time she had, or shows you the new toy or outfit he received.

The key to raising a healthy and loving child is not to do all you can to earn (or buy) your child’s love. It is more important to have your child respect you. Respect means they look up to you because you tried to always do the right thing for them. Respect you because you honored them by not ripping their mom (or dad).

The best advice I ever received and share with others going through the divorce process, is never tear down your ‘ex” to your children in an attempt to gain the “most favored” status. No matter how difficult and tempting this might be. They love their mom and dad and do not internally “get the good cop, bad cop, that is often thrown at them by angry, bitter, and often revengeful divorced parents.

This is one of the most difficult concepts for divorced parents to wrap their heads around. When your children get older, they will be able to sort out their feelings and emotions a bit better. They will be mentally mature enough to see the actions, not just the words of the other parent. You will be able to have a more adult conversation. After all, when kids are little, your are trying to get them to grasp your negative remarks towards your ex, by a person who can be convinced to do just about anything against their will by telling them you’ re going to count to three! Try doing that with a teenager. Get my point.

After just celebrating our nations independence, give your children the independence to decide for themselves. It is not important to have them love you best, but only love you as their awesome mom or dad.

What are your thoughts on this topic? What would be your advice to someone who is about to go through a divorce? Do you think it is OK to talk negatively about you ex or soon to be ex?

Internet Dating 101 and How I Met My Wife

admin — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:58:58 +0000

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan
Special to Single Dad Life

When I got separated and then divorced six years ago, the world of dating had gone through a change. Internet dating was well underway and the quaint idea of friends introducing you to other friends seemed to have gone the way of the horse and buggy. There were still bars and clubs, but those options didn’t appeal to me when I was young enough to consider them, and when my hearing was still good enough to survive the over-the-top decibels in such environments.

So, it was a brand new world for this middle-aged guy, and Internet dating was the method-du-jour. I had my two young sons full-time so dating of any kind meant babysitters, or meeting during school hours. Later, the issues became how much to disclose to the boys and when and if I should introduce them to a date.

I circumvented the standard profiles by changing mine, literally daily, making my profile in essence a blog. Oddly enough, I developed quite a following of (women) readers across the country. In its own way, that was the beginning of my writing career. I did the rest that was required and posted photos that were relatively current and I didn’t even Photoshop them too much.

But I quickly learned that truth was quite evasive on the Internet. While I didn’t peruse the profiles of the men on the dating sites that I used, I certainly became familiar with the women. It wasn’t rocket science to read between the lines. No photo meant there was a reason for no photo. Headshot only, meant there was a reason as well. Only one photo was equally suspicious. And, for us male slugs, let’s face the truth that our first impression is based on appearance.

What I also learned was that online dating was no different, in its essence, from in-person dating. The man did the pursuing; the woman did the choosing. Exceptions to every rule always exist, but I found I was reaching out to the women far more than the reverse. Quickly, I developed a thick skin, as maybe I would get a response to one in ten of the e-mail messages that I sent out.

The attractive women, at least attractive by the photos they posted, would sometime receive literally thousands of e-mail messages. I began dating one woman who told me that during a period of ten days, when we first began dating, she hadn’t checked her inbox. When she did, it had 9,000 e-mail messages. It certainly raised the question, why did she choose me? As great as I may think I am, I’m also realistic. The answer was quite sobering, as she said: the only way she could handle that volume was to do “eine meenie minie moe.” I was one of the lucky “moe’s” and what I wrote made her laugh, and that’s how we connected. Truly, lottery luck.

Before I tell you how I met Loren, my wife, I’d like to offer ten simple, non-gender specific dating tips; let’s call this Internet Dating 101:

If there’s no photo, there’s a reason. Move on.
Be patient. It’s a numbers game. Therefore, hang in there.
Don’t spend too much time e-mailing and chatting. If you feel there might be some chemistry, set up a meeting. First meeting is coffee only.Don’t make elaborate plans. If you like each other, there’s plenty of time for that. Also, if they’re too busy or it’s too difficult to schedule something, move on.
Don’t believe what you read. Be skeptical, but open. Most women lie about their age and weight; most men about their income and height.
Tell the truth about yourself — period, end of issue, no excuse.
Be clear on what you want and express it in your profile. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth. For example, if you’re a woman and you just don’t like men with thinning hair, save him and you the waste of time by being clear about that in your profile. For a guy, if height or weight is important to you in a woman, be honest about it.
While I tend to diss self-help books, the book “He’s Really Not Into You” had some plain truths. If there are signs of disinterest, he or she is disinterested. And, often, it has nothing to do with you. Move on.
Men and women, over 35 or so, if never married, are often trouble. Not just the men. Women who have never married are as set in their ways as men, and (I’m going to get killed for this) probably more hung up on their careers.
Always, if you’re a woman, meet in a public place and only give out your cell number, if you don’t call the guy yourself first (which is better).
Be patient and don’t take it personally.

I met Loren exactly the way I’ve described above, by sending her an e-mail, based on her attractive photo and profile. She claimed to read every one of the thousands of e-mail messages that she received and mine also made her laugh. We set up a coffee date. I completely forgot about our meeting! Yup, I forgot, leaving her stood-up thinking what I jerk I was. When I realized my horrific mistake, I called. She took the call with the full intention of blowing me off. The degree of my mea-culpas won her over. She said that the fact that I had kids made her think my mind might have been temporarily made of mush. We set a second date.

The rest, another time, but suffice it to say, the second date was successful enough for a third — and more. We were married on December 27, 2008.

Reading Single Parent Blogs Could Save Marriages

Barry — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:09:42 +0000

Usually when beginning a project such as this, you believe you have something of value to share, or believe something is missing in the current landscape of websites that you can provide.

One of the surprising benefits of developing Single Dad Life, is becoming part of the single parent community or actually, the parent community as a whole. While I do hear from single dads, and obviously with the website name, that is the target of the information, single moms have provided great support.

I must admit, this kind of shocked me. It was not a goal to hear from single moms. I did make it a conscious decision early on to try and not raise the ire of single moms. I didn’t want to purchase a supply of neosporin for my cuts and bruises (easy just kidding moms ). But also, I felt their is so much negativity in the relationship between single dads and single moms in the press, I did not want Single Dad Life to be about complaining and whining. I also didn’t want to “live” in that arena.

Don’t get me wrong, I will walk the edge a bit. This is how to create honest discussion and debate. Just not about she didn’t bring the kids back on time, her boyfriend is a loser, she takes my check and gets her nails done, etc etc. I realize these issues may be out there, but I wanted to provide a site that is positive and about living your BEST life as a single dad.

I would like to add, that I have found some amazing single dad sites and blogs that provide a wealth of information. I quickly learned that I don’t have the market cornered on positive, informative, and entertaining content. Some of these guys are way more talented than I could ever hope to be.

But what surprised me the most, is how much I enjoyed reading single mom blogs and their comments. Talk about an eye opener. As I began gingerly testing the waters and placing a comment or two on some of these, I sort of flinched a bit, wondering what might be thrown back in my direction. Nothing could be further from the truth! Not that all agreed with me 100% of the time, but always respectful and usually welcomed a guys opinion. I have seen the same from comments on touchy subjects on Single Dad Life made by single moms.

This may appear to be a “kiss up”, but it isn’t. It is just an unexpected observation that I felt compelled to share with others. Many who post on these sites will not be surprised and already understood this dynamic.

Then I started to think. Communication breakdown is a big part in the disintegration of many marriages. Husbands and wives complaining that neither understands the other or just don’t listen. You hear this word often. Listening. Listening. No one thinks the other is really listening. Great read on listening

In marital disputes, each party usually has their mind set on what they want to get across to the other. They are not truly listening or hearing what the other is saying, often interrupting to say (or shout) their position.

I am reminded of how I once explained to try and stop myself from interrupting others, I would make believe I was receiving an instant message or text message. Not responding until the other person was done equated with reading the complete message and than responding. It does work (sometimes ). Growing up in my family, dinner table conversations tended to have the person who talked the loudest got heard!

Blogs provide a similar platform. If single dads, or even better, married dads, would just read single mom blogs, they would receive a wealth of insight into the minds and thought patterns of how women think. Their complaints, pet peeves, what they are looking for in a man or what really annoys them about men. Just read and listen.

I am not saying guys need to agree with everything they say. To be honest, my mind sometimes freezes, as it spins trying to compute the information I just read. But to be able to”listen” as an outsider, not emotionally charges or connected, could be better than hundreds of dollars of therapy or marriage counseling.

Moms and single moms could learn the same from reading single dad websites and blogs as well. You might be surprised that we are deeper than just, eating, sex, sleeping, sex, sports, and sex. See how you snickered and agreed with that statement ladies!

The online single parent community is an amazing group.

Another “ah ha” moment. None seem to be in competition with the other. Single dads supporting other single dad sites. Single moms supporting other single mom sites. More important, single moms supporting single dad sites and vice versa.

Time for me to create that blog roll I have been putting off. Who knows, it might just save a marriage or save someone in counseling fees.

No Excuse Not To Be Involved

admin — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:30:16 +0000

By Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life

They say it takes a village to raise a child. That is true, but 50 per cent of any village is made up of men and a good percentage of those guys are daddies.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with the primal assumption that fathers need to play a part in raising their children. If they all got up and left their children alone in the village, it would create a river of tears.
The women would be crying not because they feel sorry for themselves, but because they know their children are in pain. Good mothers are incapable of seeing their children suffer.

But the mothers in the village can only cry for five minutes because they won’t have time to figure out how to be a single mom. It’s more like, “Abacadabra, I have to be a single mom now for the sake of my children and fill in as the father the best I can.”

The children will be crying because they’ll think it’s their fault their dad left. They can’t possibly understand how he could abandon them. It goes against everything that is natural and right. And they’re 100 per cent correct, of course.

Unfortunately it seems some men in the Village of Toronto (Huron word for “place of meeting”) don’t “meet” their children often enough or at all.

Why is that? Research is unequivocal that few fathers abandon their children voluntarily. Most fatherless children result from fathers being forcibly separated from their children by the court system.

I’m not going to open that can of worms here. Not yet. It’s too big a can.

But I will say this: The family court process of determining who should have the right to see the children and when can be a horrific one.

I can understand how some of you fathers feel you can justify not being part of your children’s lives, however misplaced the thinking is. You may feel:

The legal system has left you exhausted, broke and cynical so what’s the point?

You got screwed by the courts, getting too little access to matter, so what’s the point if you show up at all?

Since your ex met another guy and he seems to have assumed the father role, what’s the point? (This cannot happen unless you want it to. Your children will never replace you, even if you see them but one moment a week, because you’re their father. Blood is blood. There’s only one condition. You need to be a good, loving father to gain your child’s loyalty.

There is no excuse for not playing a big part in your children’s lives, and deep down inside your naturally good heart you know that.

Your children need you so they can be the best well-rounded, happy people they have the right to be.

And how else are they going to know how to choose a loving partner or create a healthy relationship if they’re missing 50 per cent of their role models?

Regardless of what you’ve gone through, you have to climb up high on the mast, stick your face into the teeth of the hurricane and scream, “You call this a storm?”

Your children deserve your courage.

There’s an old Hebrew saying: “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”

If you’ve been away from your children for too long, there’s still time to save them (and yourself), and consequently, make our world a better place. There’s no excuse for anything less.

Feel free to contact Peter via his website - www.geronimocode.com or directly via peter@geronimocode.com