By: Ben Murphy

There’s an old adage that “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” The problem with most of us is that we make great plans, we just have trouble carrying them out. The truth of the matter is that we can only achieve what we attempt. Most of us sell ourselves short because we plan well, but never get around to the attempting.

I write about this topic because we can only be at our fullest when we pursue all we know we are capable of. It’s a little thing called ‘fulfillment.’ But a lot of people I talk to seem awfully unfulfilled, living in a world of “if only.” They love their family, but their job devours all their time. They shuttle their kids to endless activities, but never spend quality time with them. Their lives keep coming back to, “if only I’d started that business when the idea was fresh,” or, “if only I’d followed-through and finished my degree.”

I deeply believe that our main obligation in life is to do the best we can with what we’ve been given. It’s a high ideal, but its comes from observing other successful folks through the years. The folks I know who are getting what they want out of life are the ones who haven’t sold themselves short on their ideas and their dreams. They’ve taken small but steady steps in a concerted direction and made it happen. They benefit, their families benefit, and the community around them benefits too.

What’s your “if only?” Where are you selling yourself short? For some of us it’s in our work. For some it’s our health. No one else is going to solve that dilemma for you and all the planning in the world isn’t going to make your dreams come true. So, how do you get from here to there? Here are two small but powerful lessons I’ve learned about from others that have impacted my life. I hope they’re of as much use to you as they have been to me.

FAILURE OF SUCCESS: I have a good friend who, until a couple years ago, was in a boring IT job that paid the bills, but he wasn’t very happy. He’d always been interested in photography, so he bought himself a camera and shot a few friends’ weddings. Turns out he was pretty good at it. Sure enough word spread and he was getting more requests, so he started charging. And he kept getting requests. He now shoots weddings full-time. He has a very healthy income, has flexibility to be with his family, and is now flown out to shoot weddings in places like the Hamptons… all because he decided to start doing something he’d always wished he’d done. The reason I say this is because one of the things he shared with me about making the transition is that he realized he’d always been afraid of success. For a lot of us who have a pretty good life, why rock the boat? While the idea of unbridled success is great, at the risk of losing our current standard-of-living, most folks don’t take that step. It’s strange to think that we’re afraid of success, but most of us are.

THE LONG GAME: one of the most profound truths in life is that we typically overestimate what we can achieve over a short period of time, and we severely underestimate what we can achieve over a long period of time. When we have a dream, it often seems overwhelming to imagine accomplishing it in a month or a year. But what about two years? Three years? That amount of time flies by surprisingly quickly in our busy lives and even an hour each week devoted to one thing can steadily move a dream along. You sneak in :20 here and :30 there. Pretty soon you’ve spent an hour or two each week and you see progress. Progress breeds enthusiasm. And once that enthusiasm takes hold, it’s awfully hard to slow down!

If you feel like you’re not getting all you’d like out of life, do some reflection. Where are you selling yourself short?

Ben Murphy is the Founder of TheFatherLife.com, the men’s magazine for dads.

He lives in New York State with his wife and three daughters.

Related posts:

1. The Four Greatest Lies of Success
2. Program Your Own Success
3. You’ll See It When You Believe It

By Richard B. Brooke

There are many pleasures in life that bring happiness. After more than 20 years of mentoring and coaching people from all walks of life, I have found that people seem to be happiest when they are in the process of achieving; when they are accomplishing something that is tremendously important to them. It’s the anticipation of getting your intended result … knowing you are on the right track … moving forward … in momentum … that makes you the happiest.

Do you remember when you bought your first car? Do you remember how you felt in the weeks, days and hours leading up to the purchase – that period of time when you knew you were going to get it, but you were still working on the financing or delivery?

These feelings are the essence of my definition of success.

Do you remember the promise you made to yourself and others about how the car would never see rain; you would never eat in it or abuse it in any way?

Yes, and then what happened after you got the car? Do you remember how those feelings slowly diminished? If you were like me, it only took a couple of weeks before you were driving through mud, eating a burger and fries and yes, back in those days, puffing away on a cigarette.

Achieving the result itself has such short-lived pleasure.

The essence of being truly alive comes from falling in love with the pursuit of your dreams … always stretching … always in momentum … always expecting the best.

Cultural Paradigms

The following are what can be called “cultural paradigms,” meaning they are the hidden rules of society. Sometimes they are in our face, placed there by our parents or other authority figures. Other times they are just the rules of the road; not so bold, but always there.

1. Desire Creates Success

Most people confuse motivation with desire. We think because we want something badly enough, we will have the energy to get it.

Yet, how many people do you know that have a strong desire for a great deal more in their life?

And … how many of them have had that desire for a long time?

How many are achieving it? The fact is, almost everyone desires health, wealth and happiness – and almost no one achieves all three. How many people do you know who even have two?

Desire has absolutely NOTHING to do with motivation. Desire only creates the yearning for something, but not any of the actual magical energy it takes to stay on the path toward achieving it.

2. Hard Work Creates Success

Do you want to be successful? Then work hard! But haven’t you been working hard? How many people do you know have been working hard their whole life? If you worked twice as hard as you do now … if you worked twice as many hours every day … would you be successful? (Or would you be divorced or dead?)

I am not advocating not working hard. It just does not necessarily lead to you getting what you want. It is a great asset, but not the answer we have been led to believe it is.

3. Being a Good Person Creates Success

Be a good person; I am not advocating anything else. But what does being a good person have to do with success? How many successful jerks do you know? Haven’t you seen the evidence that “money has no conscience?” It doesn’t care where it goes. Neither does health, and in many domains of knowledge, neither does wisdom.

4. Getting a Good Education Will Lead to Your Success

Again, I am not advocating not getting as good an education as you can. Yet the world is filled with educated derelicts. Education does not insure anything. It confirms that we know how to study and pass tests. The age-old truth of getting great grades and getting into the best college is as good a strategy as working hard and being a good person. But it will not necessarily lead you to the good life.

THEN WHAT DOES LEAD ME TO GETTING WHAT I WANT IN LIFE?

The Secret to Success

Success is not getting everything you ever wanted, but rather moving forward toward what you want. Being in the process of achievement, and being in love with the process.

If thousands of people have found the secret to success, then it’s got to be self motivation. They may not know it as self motivation. Self motivation is that mysterious concoction of belief, confidence, positive expectations and creativity – a seeming abundance of physical, mental and emotional energy – that leads us to act powerful, naturally propelling us toward our goals.

Think About It

If you could get yourself motivated enough …

And keep yourself motivated enough …

What do you think you could achieve?

I love teaching and coaching people how to manage their self motivation to create a flow of desired results in their lives. That’s what Vision work is all about: learning to live life at Mach II With Your Hair on Fire! If you haven’t already, I encourage you to get a copy of my book and study it. It will guide you through the process of discovering and applying those energies that will get and keep you motivated, and on the path to your success.

THINK ABOUT IT …

• Desire creates success
• Hard work creates success
• Being a good person creates success
• Getting a good education will lead to your success

Which of the above cultural paradigms were/are lived out by your parents?

Which still define your struggle for success?

Which of these might you be instilling in your own children?

Related posts:

1. Program Your Own Success
2. Leadership That Inspires
3. No Hill For a Climber