Be An Active Client

When a person first arrives at an attorney’s office, the first thing on my most people’s minds is that they need to find a lawyer, then all of their problems will be solved. The last thing most people think about is that the role that they must play in their own divorce. Your lawyer can only be as effective as you make them.

This is a startling statement to many. So take a moment to consider it this way: Who knows your life better than you and your spouse? Who has the most access to information regarding your children and assets? Who has the most to gain and/or lose in this case? In other words, while any good attorney will be vested in a good result in your case, that attorney does not have to live your life the divorce is finalized.

You are the most important piece of evidence in your case. You will lead your attorney down the path of intelligently aggressive representation. How can your attorney do a good job for you if she/he does not understand you, your life, your goals, your fears, your skeletons in your closet, etc.? It is simply impossible. Please consider these issues when you first arrive at your attorney’s office in the beginning of the case. Be sure when selecting your attorney that this topic is discussed at the first meeting. Your job does not end there.

In most cases, the average person will shift in their goals, expectations, fears, etc. during the divorce process. Why? There are a multitude of reasons.

Sometimes your very unreasonable spouse, once removed from the same household, becomes more reasonable. Sometimes it becomes cost prohibitive to have the goals/positions you took in the beginning of the case. Sometimes people just don’t want to fight anymore.

Also as your case progresses forward and more and more information is revealed, the issues may not exist that speculation raised in your mind. Or in the reverse, the seemingly reasonable spouse is now out partying, leaving the kids unattended and spending the nest egg.

Whatever the reason, if there is ever a shift in your position or goals in the case, inform your counsel. For instance, if your attorney thinks you are ok with your wife having custody of your child, your representation will head in a far different direction than if there a fight for custody. If you want a different course of action be sure that you are sharing this information with your attorney.

It is an excellent idea to check in your attorney on a regular during your case regarding goals and strategy. Have a meeting to be sure you are on the same page and determine that the strategy being employed by you and your attorney is consistent with your goals. You have the best chance for success in your case by making your concerns, goals, etc. clear in the beginning of your case, and making sure to follow up with your attorney on a consistent basis regarding any changes.

Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

Dorothy Walsh Ripka is the Team Leader of the Cordell & Cordell, P.C. offices in Dallas, Fort Worth and Memphis. Ms. Ripka is a seasoned attorney who has devoted her practice exclusively to domestic relations. She is licensed to practice law in Texas, Missouri and Illinois.

Photo Courtesy of Stopnlook

Related posts:

1. Identifying and Achieving Your Goals in a Divorce
2. My Wife Wants a Divorce, I do not
3. How Do You Deal With Debt in Divorce?

Question:
My wife just left with our 3 daughters. She is an unfit mother and when I told her that I was getting a divorce because she is negligent and constantly endangering the lives of our kids, she waited until I went to work and left to go to her Mother’s house. Or at least that is where she says she is going. I called her Mom and she knew nothing about this. This seems like kidnapping to me. What should I do to correct this situation?

Answer:
If it is your wife’s intent to remove the children from your custody and purposefully fail to disclose her whereabouts and the whereabouts of the children in an effort to deprive you of access to the children, then it is possible that you have a kidnapping case on your hands. To correct this situation, you should first contact the police and advise them of the situation if for no other reason than to document your wife’s actions. Further, you should make arrangements to follow through on your concerns about the custody of your children by filing your petition for divorce and seeking temporary custody orders if they are available to you in you jurisdiction. As your litigation progresses, I would caution you against unnecessarily sharing information with your spouse or advising her of your future plans until you have consulted with your attorney.

Turning to your more substantive concerns, it appears that your wife stays home to care for the children alone while you are away at work. I am concerned that your allegations that she is unfit and negligent may be somewhat diluted by the pattern of conduct you appear to have established, namely, that you allow her to watch the children unsupervised on a regular basis. My clients often tell me that they have left their child(ren) with a spouse whom they claim to be unfit at the time of the divorce because the family could not afford daycare. While I am sympathetic to that situation, your children’s safety should come before all other considerations, financial or otherwise. Find alternative childcare.

Question:
I want to see my kids. My ex and I separated (never married) and she will not let me see my kids I cannot afford to pay for a court case. I have been having a hard time and I was in jail for a time and I am behind on support. I am trying to get back on my feet and I will pay her for support as fast as I can. She will never allow me to see them willingly. I have never been acused of any abuse and everyone knows I am a loving father. I do not have a place nor money. I want to see them and work to be a provider again, My kids are the most important thing in the world to me and I will do anything to be a dad again. Where do I start?

Answer:
Without an order providing you with custody rights, you can enforce visitation with your children. Although most jurisdictions do not allow a custodial parent to refuse the non-custodial parent access to the parties’ child(ren) because the non-custodial parent is behind on child support, you must first have an order establishing your custodial rights. If you do not have the funds to seek a private attorney, your city or state may provide free or reduced rate legal aid services for qualified applicants.

Jill Best is an attorney with Cordell & Cordell, PC, a family-law firm focusing on men. She writes for DadsDivorce.com

Submit your questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Related posts:

1. Will a Court Favor the Ex-Wife When Unemployed?
2. Can I Use Erratic Behavior Of Ex To Obtain More Custody?
3. My Wife Wants a Divorce, I do not