Single Dad Life » divorce attorney

Can I Use Erratic Behavior Of Ex To Obtain More Custody?

admin — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:25:49 +0000

Ask The Lawyer

Question submitted:

My ex and I have a four year old daughter, and my ex has now been evicted from two apartments with in 3 months. Now she is planning on moving in with the next door neighbor which she just met about three weeks ago. She is also behind on the daycare payments, which part of my support is supposed to pay for. How do I use this erratic behavior and irresponsibility to get more custody of our child?

Answer:

A parent’s inability to maintain a stable home environment for the child is one significant factor in any reassessment of custody arrangements.

The specifics of her changes in residence and any explanations she gives, as well as the benefits of your home environment, would be factors for a court to consider in making changes in the custody arrangements. The terms of your current custody arrangements and the specific requirements of the laws of your state as to timelines and criteria for custody reviews would need to be reviewed.

If the failure to pay the daycare results in your child being improperly supervised, that issue may also be relevant to the custody arrangements. However, the debt to the daycare would usually only impact the amount and nature of the support arrangements. You would need to review these issues with an experienced domestic litigation attorney in your state.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois. Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

How Do I Fight My Ex Wife’s Use Of Parental Alienation?

admin — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:32:03 +0000

Ask The Lawyer

Question submitted:

My ex is using a form of parental alienation on our daughter. My daughter and mom refuse to pick up their phones to communicate with me. I text, email, and call to no avail.

It has been almost six weeks since I have spoken to, or seen, my daughter. I have joint custody and a visitation schedule of a couple days a week. My daughter is almost 16. What is the best way to handle this? My goal is to preserve my connection to my daughter.

Answer:

I suggest dividing the issues into your ex-wife’s conduct and the possibility of your daughter’s attitude being a factor of her age.

Your ex-wife can be held accountable through the court for compliance with any terms in your joint parenting agreement or other court orders that address telephone or electronic contact. If your court documents did not address telephone or electronic contact, you may need to seek court modification to include such provisions.

You advise that you have regular visitation rights but have not seen your daughter in six weeks. If your visitation is being impaired by your wife’s conduct or failure to act, enforcement proceedings may be warranted.

Generally, the parents must comply with the visitation schedule regardless of the desires of the child and a claim of visitation interference may be warranted. Consulting with a domestic relations law firm, such as Cordell & Cordell, would be the first step to determine what rights are encompassed by your court documents and what additional rights you might reasonably pursue in a court proceeding.

Your daughter’s age and status as a child of divorce may also be at issue and counseling with your daughter may be appropriate.

Under your divorce, you may be required to first discuss father-daughter counseling with your ex-wife as part of any agreement to mutually discuss with your ex decisions regarding your daughter’s health care. Failure to reach an agreement on the issue with your ex-wife may require court proceedings to require your ex-wife’s cooperation in making your daughter available to attend counseling.

Submit questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Divorce Advice for Men – 11 Things to Do Now

admin — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:25:42 +0000

By James J. Gross

There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Some things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters include the following.

Documents. Move your documents, records and other papers somewhere else, like a friend’s house or your attorney’s office. You can expect that your children’s mother will be going through your desk, briefcase, automobile, telephone records, bills, and computer, looking for financial information and other evidence to use against you.

Bank Accounts. Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and deposit your half in your own name. You can also put them all in your name, but sometimes this will make the judge angry with you. However, it is often easier to give money back than to get it back. If you are the breadwinner do not put your children and their mother out in the cold without some money to get by on. This will aggravate the judge who will make you pay anyway. Make arrangements so that bills will be covered. Let your children’s mother know what you have done, but not before you have done it. You do not want her to clean out the account first.

Stock. Call your broker and divide any stock, bonds or mutual funds that are held jointly with your children’s mother. While this is not a taxable event, you will have to take future taxes into account if you want to be fair. Therefore, ask your broker to make sure the tax basis is equalized as well.

Credit Cards. You do not want to wake up one morning and discover that your children’s mother has charged $5,000 on your joint credit card on a spending spree. You may be responsible for paying part or all of that $5,000. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your children’s mother. You may ask the company to reopen an account in your own name. This is a good time to request it. Let your children’s mother know so she is not caught by surprise at the gas pump when the credit card no longer works. If your she has already started her spending spree, report the card as stolen. If she has charged her attorney fees on the card, you can dispute the charges with the company.

Insurance. If you cover your spouse or children on your insurance, do not drop them from the policy at least until the divorce is final. You are probably responsible for their medical bills until then anyway. Even after the divorce, the employed spouse may want to keep the spouse and children covered. If you are paying child support, a large unexpected medical expense for the child could be assessed against the noncustodial parent as additional child support. The same could happen with alimony and an ex-spouse. Federal law allows most employees to cover their spouses for up to thirty six months after a divorce for a small additional premium. However, the employer must be notified prior to the final divorce decree.

Expenses. Two cannot live as cheaply as one, especially if they are separated and trying to maintain two households. It is time to cut costs as much as possible. Cancel anything you do not need like extra telephone lines or cable television. If there is any personal property you do not want or need, sell it. However, do not cut off the utilities on your children and their mother without giving them plenty of notice. Make sure you can prove this notice to the court because leaving your children and their mother home without heat or light in December seldom sits well with the judge.

Pensions. Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Fill out the paperwork to have your employer stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan. Do not make contributions this year to your IRA. This will keep your spouse from getting part of it and chances are you will be needing the money soon.

Inventory. Make a list of everything in the house. Take pictures or video tape everything if you wish. Be sure to date your inventory. Include furniture, furnishings, appliances, clothing and jewelry. Then you will know if something turns up missing, and you will have evidence of it.

Valuables. Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place. Anything with significant or sentimental value to you ought to be secured from your children’s mother. You are not trying to hide things. But you do not want to come home from work and find that your valuables have been sold at a yard sale.

Safe Deposit Box. You can establish a safe deposit box to store your valuables away from the house. If you already have a safe deposit box, and your children’s mother has access to it, you will want to remove your items and store them somewhere else. Make a list or take a picture or video tape of whatever is left in the box for proof later. The same goes for any storage unit you may have.

Get a Lawyer. Find a good family lawyer and set up an appointment right away. Some lawyers charge for an initial consultation and some do not. In the initial meeting, you will be able to get some good advice and strategy for your particular facts and circumstances. You will also be able to assess the attorney to see if it’s a good fit for you. During this meeting, the attorney will discuss costs with you. But be aware that any estimate by an attorney is the roughest of all guesses and depends upon what your spouse and her attorney do. Your attorney will probably tell you not to sign anything before he or she reviews it. Your attorney will also advise you about other matters you will need to consider during this change in your life, for example executing a new will and changing any powers of attorney.

Article courtesy of Maryland Divorce Lawyers

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How Do You Handle Visitation With An Interfering Ex?

admin — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 11:02:22 +0000

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Question Submitted:

When does it end? Court order by Cambridge court that a father gets visitation for the week of Christmas – a week in March and the month of July. The month of July is if the child wants to stay with the father during that period of time.

The mother each and EVERY time interferes. The child (14 yrs in the coming august) has said the mother writes things down on a piece of paper and tells her what to say. The child then says when she does not say what is written the mother gets very angry. The child is now being told she CANNOT come in July.

This is now the second year I have had to deal with this. Of course, the easy solution would be to take it back to court. But, the decision was already made by the Judge. How do we proceed?

Answer:

Your description of the situation leads to the conclusion that the mother’s conduct will not change without court intervention. The law of your state will dictate the process for enforcement or modification of the court order setting the visitation. The preparation for a court review may require your daughter to be interviewed by an attorney appointed to represent her (sometimes referred to as a child’s representative or a guardian ad litem), a court appoint psychologist, or even the judge to allow for a determination of the situation free from the direct influence of the mother. You should consult a qualified family law attorney in your state to review your legal options.

Submit a questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

Divorce for Men Before. During. After.

The Role You Play In Your Own Divorce

admin — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 11:54:06 +0000

Be An Active Client

When a person first arrives at an attorney’s office, the first thing on my most people’s minds is that they need to find a lawyer, then all of their problems will be solved. The last thing most people think about is that the role that they must play in their own divorce. Your lawyer can only be as effective as you make them.

This is a startling statement to many. So take a moment to consider it this way: Who knows your life better than you and your spouse? Who has the most access to information regarding your children and assets? Who has the most to gain and/or lose in this case? In other words, while any good attorney will be vested in a good result in your case, that attorney does not have to live your life the divorce is finalized.

You are the most important piece of evidence in your case. You will lead your attorney down the path of intelligently aggressive representation. How can your attorney do a good job for you if she/he does not understand you, your life, your goals, your fears, your skeletons in your closet, etc.? It is simply impossible. Please consider these issues when you first arrive at your attorney’s office in the beginning of the case. Be sure when selecting your attorney that this topic is discussed at the first meeting. Your job does not end there.

In most cases, the average person will shift in their goals, expectations, fears, etc. during the divorce process. Why? There are a multitude of reasons.

Sometimes your very unreasonable spouse, once removed from the same household, becomes more reasonable. Sometimes it becomes cost prohibitive to have the goals/positions you took in the beginning of the case. Sometimes people just don’t want to fight anymore.

Also as your case progresses forward and more and more information is revealed, the issues may not exist that speculation raised in your mind. Or in the reverse, the seemingly reasonable spouse is now out partying, leaving the kids unattended and spending the nest egg.

Whatever the reason, if there is ever a shift in your position or goals in the case, inform your counsel. For instance, if your attorney thinks you are ok with your wife having custody of your child, your representation will head in a far different direction than if there a fight for custody. If you want a different course of action be sure that you are sharing this information with your attorney.

It is an excellent idea to check in your attorney on a regular during your case regarding goals and strategy. Have a meeting to be sure you are on the same page and determine that the strategy being employed by you and your attorney is consistent with your goals. You have the best chance for success in your case by making your concerns, goals, etc. clear in the beginning of your case, and making sure to follow up with your attorney on a consistent basis regarding any changes.

Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

Dorothy Walsh Ripka is the Team Leader of the Cordell & Cordell, P.C. offices in Dallas, Fort Worth and Memphis. Ms. Ripka is a seasoned attorney who has devoted her practice exclusively to domestic relations. She is licensed to practice law in Texas, Missouri and Illinois.

Photo Courtesy of Stopnlook

Did Wife Kidnap Kids? Dad asks for legal advice

admin — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:45:53 +0000

Question:
My wife just left with our 3 daughters. She is an unfit mother and when I told her that I was getting a divorce because she is negligent and constantly endangering the lives of our kids, she waited until I went to work and left to go to her Mother’s house. Or at least that is where she says she is going. I called her Mom and she knew nothing about this. This seems like kidnapping to me. What should I do to correct this situation?

Answer:
If it is your wife’s intent to remove the children from your custody and purposefully fail to disclose her whereabouts and the whereabouts of the children in an effort to deprive you of access to the children, then it is possible that you have a kidnapping case on your hands. To correct this situation, you should first contact the police and advise them of the situation if for no other reason than to document your wife’s actions. Further, you should make arrangements to follow through on your concerns about the custody of your children by filing your petition for divorce and seeking temporary custody orders if they are available to you in you jurisdiction. As your litigation progresses, I would caution you against unnecessarily sharing information with your spouse or advising her of your future plans until you have consulted with your attorney.

Turning to your more substantive concerns, it appears that your wife stays home to care for the children alone while you are away at work. I am concerned that your allegations that she is unfit and negligent may be somewhat diluted by the pattern of conduct you appear to have established, namely, that you allow her to watch the children unsupervised on a regular basis. My clients often tell me that they have left their child(ren) with a spouse whom they claim to be unfit at the time of the divorce because the family could not afford daycare. While I am sympathetic to that situation, your children’s safety should come before all other considerations, financial or otherwise. Find alternative childcare.

Question:
I want to see my kids. My ex and I separated (never married) and she will not let me see my kids I cannot afford to pay for a court case. I have been having a hard time and I was in jail for a time and I am behind on support. I am trying to get back on my feet and I will pay her for support as fast as I can. She will never allow me to see them willingly. I have never been acused of any abuse and everyone knows I am a loving father. I do not have a place nor money. I want to see them and work to be a provider again, My kids are the most important thing in the world to me and I will do anything to be a dad again. Where do I start?

Answer:
Without an order providing you with custody rights, you can enforce visitation with your children. Although most jurisdictions do not allow a custodial parent to refuse the non-custodial parent access to the parties’ child(ren) because the non-custodial parent is behind on child support, you must first have an order establishing your custodial rights. If you do not have the funds to seek a private attorney, your city or state may provide free or reduced rate legal aid services for qualified applicants.

Jill Best is an attorney with Cordell & Cordell, PC, a family-law firm focusing on men. She writes for DadsDivorce.com

Submit your questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Daughter’s interest in living with her mother & How to modify custody and support

admin — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:36:13 +0000

Question:

My daughter (15) has repeatedly expressed an interest in living with her mother 100 miles away. Her mother is open to it. I received custody because her mother was going through some pretty serious depression. Since our divorce my ex has really improved. I would miss my daughter, but I respect her need to have her mom. My gut tells me to sit down with my daughter and tell her how I feel about it and let her go with an open-door policy on my end.

My question is whether or not I am setting myself up for child support which I really can’t afford to pay, problems with the court, and the danger that I might be seen as abandoning my child. Everything seems fine with mom now, but she has a history of not thinking clearly. I’d hate to have my daughter miss the opportunity of getting to know her mom but want to be careful. Any advice as to how to proceed?

Answer:

Proceed cautiously.
If your daughter moves in with her mother, you will be obligated to provide financial support to your ex-wife. This may not happen immediately, but it will happen. Child support is your daughter’s right and most states will not allow parents to unilaterally waive support without cause. Even if you and your ex-wife were to agree that support would not be exchanged in consideration of the custody change, your ex-wife would be well within her legal rights to come back and petition the Court to modify that order at a later date.

If your ex-wife lives in a different state or county, you could be facing some procedural nightmares in the future. Depending on various factors, including the time your daughter lives with her mother and whether or not you choose to move, your case could be transferred to a different court. The new court will not have the “history” of your case and may have less favorable laws with respect to child support and parenting time.

I do not believe you will be perceived as “abandoning” your child, however, I wonder if you have considered all of the ways your own relationship with your daughter will change if she lives 100 miles away? Clearly you have been a stable and loving father to your daughter. A fifteen year old girl is not always the best judge of her own best interests, especially when she is desperate to receive the love and acceptance of her mother. I presume you have many rules in your home regarding things like clothing, music, food and curfews. I also presume that while your daughter may voice her opinion about these restrictions, you are ultimately the one who makes the decision. Custody is no different; you are her father and are in the best position to continue making decisions about your daughter’s well-being.

I will leave you with this thought: supporting a relationship between your daughter and her mother is not an “all or nothing” proposition. Before you consider such a monumental change in your daughter’s life (changing schools, removing her from her community, moving her from her peer group), consider the comparatively small but important step of increasing your ex-wife’s involvement in your daughter’s life. Invite her to extracurricular events and conferences. Keep her apprised of your daughter’s doctor’s and dentist’s appointments. Encourage her to be a part of decision-making when it comes to extra-curricular activities, birthday parties and house rules. Perhaps you can experiment with longer periods of parenting time between your daughter and her mother. The bottom line: move slowly.Question category: Legal Strategy

Question:

I have been divorced about a year. In my decree it states that anything we don’t agree upon will be settled with mediation. I have tried to get her into mediation without receiving a reply. I don’t want to go back to court, but I would like to modify the current situation as there has been a substantial change of circumstances. I moved within two blocks of the children, and I now live in their school district and I have had them over and above the set “visitation.” So I need to modify the custody (seeking 50/50) and also need to modify the child support (not applicable any longer) but how do I do that without getting back into the court? I am not fearful of the court, just don’t like the animosity and expense that comes with it.

Answer:

You should file a motion with the Court requesting a modification of your current schedule based upon a change of circumstances. You may also ask the Court for an order directing you and your ex-spouse to attend mediation prior to the hearing. You will need to ask the Court to set your motion for a hearing if mediation is not successful.

I should also note that even if you and your ex-spouse agree upon a parenting time change, you may not agree upon a change in child support. Although having a 50/50 or “shared” custody arrangement may entitle you to an adjustment of your support, shared custody may not entitle you to stop paying child support all together.

Although the two issues of parenting time and child support are intended to be handled separately by the Courts, the issues are often intertwined during negotiations between the parties. The parent seeking an increase in parenting time may be accused of doing so to reduce his/her share of child support and the party objecting to an increase in the other parent’s parenting time may be accused of doing so to avoid a reduction in his/her support. The underlying financial motivation of each party (either real or perceived) can sometimes complicate what should otherwise be a straightforward conversation about your children’s schedule. Be prepared.

Submit your questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Jill Best is an attorney with Cordell & Cordell, PC, a family-law firm focusing on men. She writes for DadsDivorce.com

My Divorce Attorney Made Me Do it

Barry — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 14:44:15 +0000

“My brother just received his divorce papers today. I am so angry “, she screamed. “Don’t tell me. I bet I can tell you what it said. She wants full custody, she is asking for tons of money, and he is the most evil human being on the planet ” , I responded.

“How did you know that?” she asked. “Standard stuff once you get attorneys involved“. I said. “You better call my brother and talk to him. He is livid and I have never seen him so upset.”

Sound familiar? I realize that attorney’s are hired to protect us and make sure one side is not being taken to the cleaners by the other. But, time after time, once you head to an attorney and your titles change from husband and wife to plaintiff and defendant, the temperature rises to make both sides burn.

I have seen simple situations, where 50/50 custody is not only a no brain-er, but both sides agree. Enter the attorney and the husband is told seeing his children every other weekend is what apparently is best. A husband before becoming the plaintiff, is a successful businessman. All of a sudden, he is broke and his business makes zero profit and cannot pay any child support.

I have discussed this with several other couples who have gone or who are going though a divorce. I also have my own experience to draw upon. Often I am told their attorneys actually told them, you may not agree with everything that is in the divorce papers.

The problem with the system is it is treated like buying a car. Insult the dealer with your offer, negotiate, then make a deal. What both sides need to understand is it not in the best interest of the attorney’s to have a nice simple divorce case. After all, the more motions filed, the more billable minutes, ka-ching, ka-ching.

No wonder so many ex’s hate each other. Fighting and anger often erupt due to the terms being asked for in the divorce papers. Take two people, already emotionally charged, and then fire an all out assault to show the other side who is boss. The only possible result is not only a retaliation of similar proportions, but an all out war.

I am not saying that divorce attorney’s are all to blame. After all, they are hired to protect their client to the best of their ability and that is what they do. I am not naive. During my divorce, I hired the best attorney I could find. The general thought is to pay now or pay more later. (If you are wondering, I am on very good terms with my ex ) But once I looked back, so much money was wasted on silly motions, or stuff that really didn’t matter in the long run. Don’t sweat the small stuff is the point I hope to get across.

Without a doubt, the most difficult thing to do when you can’t stand the sight of your soon to be ex, is to take a deep breath and not allow your attorney to feed off your anger and go for the jugular. It is equally difficult to try and not win at all costs. Both sides need to feel good about the arrangements. Emotionally, deep down this can be so tough. If you keep pounding the other side, the only thing that you can be guaranteed is ka-ching, ka-ching.

So here is a novel idea. Go to a mediator and design visitation schedules and other arrangements for your children. If you feel your ex is a good parent, agree to 50/50 right up front and tell your attorney you will not sign anything asking for more. Design a fair support order based on these terms and try not to have your ex live on the streets and lose everything they own.

This just might create a better life for both parties and most importantly your children. Besides, you will feel a whole lot better paying for your children’s college tuition instead of your attorney’s!

Side note: If your ex refuses to act civilized, never visits your children, and gives the keys to their attorney to drive you into the ground, ignore the above article!