Can I Use Erratic Behavior Of Ex To Obtain More Custody?

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Question submitted:

My ex and I have a four year old daughter, and my ex has now been evicted from two apartments with in 3 months. Now she is planning on moving in with the next door neighbor which she just met about three weeks ago. She is also behind on the daycare payments, which part of my support is supposed to pay for. How do I use this erratic behavior and irresponsibility to get more custody of our child?

Answer:

A parent’s inability to maintain a stable home environment for the child is one significant factor in any reassessment of custody arrangements.

The specifics of her changes in residence and any explanations she gives, as well as the benefits of your home environment, would be factors for a court to consider in making changes in the custody arrangements. The terms of your current custody arrangements and the specific requirements of the laws of your state as to timelines and criteria for custody reviews would need to be reviewed.

If the failure to pay the daycare results in your child being improperly supervised, that issue may also be relevant to the custody arrangements. However, the debt to the daycare would usually only impact the amount and nature of the support arrangements. You would need to review these issues with an experienced domestic litigation attorney in your state.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois. Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

How Do I Fight My Ex Wife’s Use Of Parental Alienation?

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Question submitted:

My ex is using a form of parental alienation on our daughter. My daughter and mom refuse to pick up their phones to communicate with me. I text, email, and call to no avail.

It has been almost six weeks since I have spoken to, or seen, my daughter. I have joint custody and a visitation schedule of a couple days a week. My daughter is almost 16. What is the best way to handle this? My goal is to preserve my connection to my daughter.

Answer:

I suggest dividing the issues into your ex-wife’s conduct and the possibility of your daughter’s attitude being a factor of her age.

Your ex-wife can be held accountable through the court for compliance with any terms in your joint parenting agreement or other court orders that address telephone or electronic contact. If your court documents did not address telephone or electronic contact, you may need to seek court modification to include such provisions.

You advise that you have regular visitation rights but have not seen your daughter in six weeks. If your visitation is being impaired by your wife’s conduct or failure to act, enforcement proceedings may be warranted.

Generally, the parents must comply with the visitation schedule regardless of the desires of the child and a claim of visitation interference may be warranted. Consulting with a domestic relations law firm, such as Cordell & Cordell, would be the first step to determine what rights are encompassed by your court documents and what additional rights you might reasonably pursue in a court proceeding.

Your daughter’s age and status as a child of divorce may also be at issue and counseling with your daughter may be appropriate.

Under your divorce, you may be required to first discuss father-daughter counseling with your ex-wife as part of any agreement to mutually discuss with your ex decisions regarding your daughter’s health care. Failure to reach an agreement on the issue with your ex-wife may require court proceedings to require your ex-wife’s cooperation in making your daughter available to attend counseling.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois. Courtesy of Dadsdivorce.com

Submit questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Divorce Advice for Men – 11 Things to Do Now

By James J. Gross

There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Some things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters include the following. Read more

How Do You Handle Visitation With An Interfering Ex?

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Question Submitted:

When does it end? Court order by Cambridge court that a father gets visitation for the week of Christmas – a week in March and the month of July. The month of July is if the child wants to stay with the father during that period of time.

The mother each and EVERY time interferes. The child (14 yrs in the coming august) has said the mother writes things down on a piece of paper and tells her what to say. The child then says when she does not say what is written the mother gets very angry. The child is now being told she CANNOT come in July.

This is now the second year I have had to deal with this. Of course, the easy solution would be to take it back to court. But, the decision was already made by the Judge. How do we proceed?

Answer:

Your description of the situation leads to the conclusion that the mother’s conduct will not change without court intervention. The law of your state will dictate the process for enforcement or modification of the court order setting the visitation. The preparation for a court review may require your daughter to be interviewed by an attorney appointed to represent her (sometimes referred to as a child’s representative or a guardian ad litem), a court appoint psychologist, or even the judge to allow for a determination of the situation free from the direct influence of the mother. You should consult a qualified family law attorney in your state to review your legal options.

Submit a questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Courtesy of  DadsDivorce.com

Divorce for Men Before. During. After.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois.

The Role You Play In Your Own Divorce

Be An Active Client

When a person first arrives at an attorney’s office, the first thing on my most people’s minds is that they need to find a lawyer, then all of their problems will be solved. The last thing most people think about is that the role that they must play in their own divorce. Your lawyer can only be as effective as you make them.

This is a startling statement to many. So take a moment to consider it this way: Who knows your life better than you and your spouse? Who has the most access to information regarding your children and assets? Who has the most to gain and/or lose in this case? In other words, while any good attorney will be vested in a good result in your case, that attorney does not have to live your life the divorce is finalized. Read more

Did Wife Kidnap Kids? Dad asks for legal advice

Question:
My wife just left with our 3 daughters. She is an unfit mother and when I told her that I was getting a divorce because she is negligent and constantly endangering the lives of our kids, she waited until I went to work and left to go to her Mother’s house. Or at least that is where she says she is going. I called her Mom and she knew nothing about this. This seems like kidnapping to me. What should I do to correct this situation? Read more

Daughter’s interest in living with her mother & How to modify custody and support

Question:

My daughter (15) has repeatedly expressed an interest in living with her mother 100 miles away. Her mother is open to it. I received custody because her mother was going through some pretty serious depression. Since our divorce my ex has really improved. I would miss my daughter, but I respect her need to have her mom. My gut tells me to sit down with my daughter and tell her how I feel about it and let her go with an open-door policy on my end.

My question is whether or not I am setting myself up for child support which I really can’t afford to pay, problems with the court, and the danger that I might be seen as abandoning my child. Everything seems fine with mom now, but she has a history of not thinking clearly. I’d hate to have my daughter miss the opportunity of getting to know her mom but want to be careful. Any advice as to how to proceed?

Answer:

Proceed cautiously. Read more

My Divorce Attorney Made Me Do it

“My brother just received his divorce papers today. I am so angry “, she screamed.  “Don’t tell me. I bet I can tell you what it said. She wants full custody, she is asking for tons of money, and he is the most evil human being on the planet ” , I responded.

“How did you know that?” she asked. “Standard stuff  once you  get attorneys involved“. I said.  “You better call my brother and talk to him. He is livid and I have never seen him so upset.”

Sound familiar?   I realize that attorney’s are hired to protect us and make sure one side is not being taken to the cleaners by the other.  But, time after time, once you head to an attorney and your titles change from husband and wife to plaintiff and defendant, the temperature rises to make both sides burn.

I have seen simple situations, where 50/50 custody is not only a no brain-er, but  both sides agree. Enter the attorney and  the husband is told seeing his children every other weekend is what apparently is best. A husband before becoming the plaintiff, is a successful businessman. All of a sudden, he is broke and his business makes zero profit and cannot pay any child support.

I have discussed this with several other couples who have gone or who are going though a divorce. I also have my own experience to draw upon. Often I am told their attorneys actually told them, you may not agree with everything that is in the divorce papers.

The problem with the system is it is treated like buying a car. Insult the dealer with your offer, negotiate, then make a deal.  What  both sides need to understand is it not in the best interest of the attorney’s to have a nice  simple divorce case. After all, the more motions filed, the more billable minutes, ka-ching, ka-ching.

No wonder so many ex’s hate each other. Fighting and anger often erupt due to the terms being asked for in the divorce papers. Take two people, already emotionally charged, and then fire an all out assault to show the other side who is boss. The only possible result is not only a retaliation of similar proportions, but an all out war.

I am  not saying that divorce attorney’s are all to blame. After all, they are hired to protect their client to the best of their ability and that is what they do. I am not naive. During my divorce, I hired the best attorney I could find.  The general thought is to  pay now or pay more later.  (If you are wondering, I am on very good terms with my ex ) But once I looked back, so much money was wasted on silly motions, or stuff that really didn’t matter in the long run.  Don’t sweat the small stuff is the point I hope to get across.

Without a doubt, the most difficult thing to do when you can’t stand the sight of your soon to be ex, is to take a deep breath and not allow your attorney to feed off your anger and go for the jugular. It is equally difficult to try and not win at all costs. Both sides need to feel good about the arrangements. Emotionally, deep down this can be so tough.  If you keep pounding the other side, the only thing that you can be guaranteed is  ka-ching, ka-ching.

So here is a novel idea.  Go to a mediator and design visitation schedules and other arrangements for your children. If you feel your ex is a good parent, agree to 50/50 right up front and tell your attorney you will not sign anything asking for more.  Design a fair support order based on these terms and try not to have your ex live on the streets and lose everything they own.

This just might create a better life for both parties and most importantly your children. Besides, you will  feel a whole lot better paying for your children’s college tuition  instead of your attorney’s!

Side note: If your ex refuses to act civilized, never visits your children, and gives the keys to their attorney to drive you into the ground,  ignore the above article!