Identifying and Achieving Your Goals in a Divorce

By Erica Christian

The circumstances giving rise to a divorce may be emotionally consuming making it difficult for you to think about what life will be like once the divorce is granted. It’s also easy to be overwhelmed with all of the terminology and procedures that come along with filing for a divorce.

As you begin this process, you must thoughtfully consider what your goals are in regards to the issues that will be addressed in your case. Identifying goals, both in the short and long term, is essential to developing the best strategy to obtain the results you want in a divorce.

Below is a guide that will help get you started on defining your goals and identifying how these goals can be achieved. Read more

Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First

The Best Interests of Your Children

By Deborah Moskovitch

While conducting some research for an upcoming book within The Smart Divorce® series I had an interesting conversation with a child protection lawyer about the best interests of the children.

From this lawyer’s perspective and what I see in my consulting practice and watching what goes on around me, we agreed that people often talk about it, don’t necessarily do it – that is put their children’s best interests first. What does this really mean? Is it fitting your schedule into your children’s or the other way around? Read more

How Do You Handle Visitation With An Interfering Ex?

Ask The Lawyer

Question Submitted:

When does it end? Court order by Cambridge court that a father gets visitation for the week of Christmas – a week in March and the month of July. The month of July is if the child wants to stay with the father during that period of time.

The mother each and EVERY time interferes. The child (14 yrs in the coming august) has said the mother writes things down on a piece of paper and tells her what to say. The child then says when she does not say what is written the mother gets very angry. The child is now being told she CANNOT come in July.

This is now the second year I have had to deal with this. Of course, the easy solution would be to take it back to court. But, the decision was already made by the Judge. How do we proceed?

Answer:

Your description of the situation leads to the conclusion that the mother’s conduct will not change without court intervention. The law of your state will dictate the process for enforcement or modification of the court order setting the visitation. The preparation for a court review may require your daughter to be interviewed by an attorney appointed to represent her (sometimes referred to as a child’s representative or a guardian ad litem), a court appoint psychologist, or even the judge to allow for a determination of the situation free from the direct influence of the mother. You should consult a qualified family law attorney in your state to review your legal options.

Submit a questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Courtesy of  DadsDivorce.com

Divorce for Men Before. During. After.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois.

How Can I Stop Ex-Wife from Filing For More Child Support?

Ask the Lawyer

Question Submitted:
My fiance has a previous court order and when his ex feels like she needs more money, she petitions the courts.

Here is the situtation: my fiance and I have a daughter who is autistic. He has a 16-year-old child from a previous marriage.

Now, she lives with her boyfriend who she went with before the marriage broke up (my fiances best friend ). My fiance and I have been together 9 yrs and our autistic daughter is 7.

It seems like when his ex’s life seems uncomfortable she petitions the court for child support. My question is now that we have a child who is autistic, can he put a stop to her lying madness? She has lied to the courts and now his son is 16. There are expenses on his order he shouldn’t be paying, like child care.

He was told to go and file a petition but wasn’t guaranteed his order wouldn’t go up. Here is the hook: she only works 2 days a week. Her child is 16. He works and makes more than his dad every week. She sits home 5 days a week and collects on this kid. Here at home, we have 2 kids 7 and 8. He only makes $10.00 a hour.

The last time in court, when it was called to the judge’s attention that she only works 2 days a week, the judge was addressing this until her lawyer (who was a public defender) changed the subject so it was dismissed. What can the defendant do and what are his rights if he has a child from a recent relationship that is disabled.

Help! She’s taking him for a ride and the judge is believing her. We know for a fact she works under the table and isn’t telling the courts. She also says that she is going to college but it’s only one night per week! Every chance she gets, she petitions the court to bring him back, even when he is not late with a payment. She calls and complains and then they contact him and he has to go whether he is late or not, and misses a day of work which sets us back and they seem not to care about whether or not he has a major obligations. Help please.

It’s getting too deep and my family is suffering. If asked to move, we have no where to go. At this rate, the judge seems to be giving the mother her way. It’s not just her child first they should be looking out for, but the welfare of all the kids in question and they are not.

Answer:

I am not licensed in the State of Penn and therefore I cannot answer your question specifically to the laws of that State. I will attempt to give what response I am able to provide.

If the judge was inclined to be concerned that she is only working two days a week, his attention needs to remain focused on that issue. You want to impute her income. Often courts will impute the underemployed person their present wage at 40 hours per week in a situation as you describe.

You also appear to want the court to deviate from the support guidelines due to your child’s illness. In my jurisdiction, that is unlikely as we have a first family preference. The reasoning is that your fiance knew he had a support obligation toward two children and should have considered that fact before having additional children. However, if the ex-wife would attempt to raise his child support he could use the cost of your children to help prevent an increase.

If you believe that the mother is working for cash, look at locations where it is advantageous for her to claim her income is higher. This would be situations such as applications for credit cards, car loans, home loans or rent applications. Subpoena these locations. You can also look at her bank records and attempt to show the amount she deposits exceeds her claimed “on the books” income.

Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com
Submit questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Will a Court Favor the Ex-Wife When Unemployed?

Ask The Lawyer

Question Submitted:

My wife quit her job the day after I asked her for a separation. We are going to court soon and I am worried that the court rule in favor of her due to her unemployment in this current economic situation. We always agreed we would both work and support our children, now she wants to be a stay at home mom. Does the court recognize this situation when it comes to alimony and child support? Will I now be the sole person who is financially responsible?

Answer:

Consult your state’s laws or guidelines concerning child support calculation. Many times it is possible to impute income to a parent if they are unemployed, especially if she left her job for no good reason. Imputing income to a parent does not force that parent to get a job at that level. It merely sets the amount of child support as if the parent were earning that income. The parent can then decide whether he or she needs additional income.

Also, find out if your state has alimony or if they call it maintenance. The “current economic situation” is not relevant to your situation. Her attempts to find employment are far more relevant.

Erik H. Carter is a Senior Attorney of the Cordell & Cordell, P.C. office in Indianapolis, Indiana as well as the Litigation Manager of both the Indianapolis and Pittsburgh offices. Mr. Carter has practiced since 1993 as an attorney. He is licensed in Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania as well as the Northern District of Indiana and the Southern District of Indiana. Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

My Ex-Wife Displays Contempt For Rulings On Visitation – What can I do?

Question Submitted:

We received a new court order for unsupervised visitation and my ex-wife did not show up with my son for my visitation. I went to the local police station to file a report and the police told me I had to go back to the judge who issued the revision. My lawyer said “No, that’s not the way it’s done.”

So now I’m confused and not sure as to who is telling the truth? So in effect, I’m not sure if I can trust my lawyer. I want something done! This is not the first time she has displayed contempt for the court rulings! What can I do?

Answer:

Both your lawyer and the police officers may be correct. Your attorney is correct that an order from the Court providing you with parenting time is an order just like any other and should be enforced like any other order. However, police officers are often hesitant to become involved in child custody exchanges and some departments even have developed policies which prevent officers from becoming involved in situations such as yours.

In short, I think absent assistance from your local police department, you should find an attorney who will file a contempt action against your ex-wife asking her to be held personally accountable for her failure to follow the Court’s orders. You may ask for attorneys fees, sanctions and compensatory (ie: make-up) parenting time depending on your jurisdiction.

If your ex-wife persists in a pattern of willful disobedience of the Court’s orders, you may also eventually have grounds to seek primary custody of your son.

Jill Best is an attorney with Cordell & Cordell, PC, a family-law firm focusing on men. She writes for DadsDivorce.com

My Ex-Wife Uses A Daycare I Don’t Approve Of. Do I “Have” To Take Him There?

Question Submitted:

My ex-wife uses a daycare that I don’t approve of and she has a contract with this provider. When I have my son, do I “have” to take him to that daycare also or can I use my current babysitter? Do i have to follow her contract with the daycare since I didn’t sign it and do not approve of them?

Answer:

The short answer is no, you do not have to take your son to this daycare if you disapprove of it. However, the inconsistency in your son’s schedule that results from bouncing from a babysitter to a daycare and back again may have more negative effects than attendance at the daycare alone.

Are the only options mom’s daycare or dad’s babysitter? Can you propose a third option in which you and your ex-wife research and consider another child care provider?

If you and your ex-wife have already gone back and forth in this regard or do not get along well enough to communicate as I have suggested, then I predict the current daycare situation will be the first of many significant parenting disagreements you experience. An eventual return to Court may be your only other option.

Jill Best is an attorney with Cordell & Cordell, PC, a family-law firm focusing on men. She writes for DadsDivorce.com

Daughter’s interest in living with her mother & How to modify custody and support

Question:

My daughter (15) has repeatedly expressed an interest in living with her mother 100 miles away. Her mother is open to it. I received custody because her mother was going through some pretty serious depression. Since our divorce my ex has really improved. I would miss my daughter, but I respect her need to have her mom. My gut tells me to sit down with my daughter and tell her how I feel about it and let her go with an open-door policy on my end.

My question is whether or not I am setting myself up for child support which I really can’t afford to pay, problems with the court, and the danger that I might be seen as abandoning my child. Everything seems fine with mom now, but she has a history of not thinking clearly. I’d hate to have my daughter miss the opportunity of getting to know her mom but want to be careful. Any advice as to how to proceed?

Answer:

Proceed cautiously. Read more

No Excuse Not To Be Involved

By Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life

They say it takes a village to raise a child. That is true, but 50 per cent of any village is made up of men and a good percentage of those guys are daddies.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with the primal assumption that fathers need to play a part in raising their children. If they all got up and left their children alone in the village, it would create a river of tears.
The women would be crying not because they feel sorry for themselves, but because they know their children are in pain. Good mothers are incapable of seeing their children suffer. Read more