How Stealing An Ink Cartridge Was A Test

Late yesterday afternoon I stole an ink cartridge from Staples. Sounds terrible right? Well, I think I was being tested. Let me explain.

I am not going to get into a deeply religious diatribe here, but I have been doing some reading recently. I will explain in more detail in a future post.

Part of this reading has also included books by John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach for UCLA. The initial book Coach Wooden One-on-One: Inspiring Conversations on Purpose, Passion and the Pursuit of Success, was recommended to me by Ray Lokar @CoachLok who I connected with on twitter. It has had a big influence on me. One of the statements I read that I constantly come back to is ” You do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do.”

Back to my theft at Staples.

I was working in my home office and went to print out a document. It came out blank. I tried again. Same result. I knew I couldn’t be out of ink because I just bought a new extra-large black cartridge about a month ago.  I checked my ink level status and sure enough it showed empty. I was annoyed and just knew this was not possible. I figured the cartridge I purchased was defective. I  grabbed it out of my printer, found my receipt and quickly drove off to Staples.

I explained to the associate at the customer service desk and he took my story to the store manager. A minute or two later he came back and even though he looked at me with a skeptical eye, he handed me a new cartridge as an exchange. He told me the next time I would have to go direct to the manufacturer.

I noticed at the checkout that I had been given a regular sized black cartridge instead of the extra-large that was on my receipt. The cartridge I handed to the orginal clerk did seem to be the same size so rather than make another complaint, I just accepted the exchange and left.

As I was driving home, I just had this feeling that something wasn’t right. Why did the cartridge I gave the clerk not appear larger? Why did the price at the register not seem high enough? The irony is when I purchased the ink originally I had only planned on replacing my color cartridges. But since I needed to purchase $75 or more of ink to use my $10 off coupon, I purchased the extra-large black replacement.

When I returned to my office, I decided to check my drawers. There it was.  The unopened XL black cartridge box!

Apparently, I never replaced the black because it wasn’t empty at the time. I had only replaced the color. That explained why the black ink  “appeared” to run out so fast.

So now I had a decision.  After all, Staples would never know. It was an honest mistake on my part. Haven’t you ever found something in your bag, an extra french fry or a packet of gum your young child placed in your cart after checkout?

As I stood looking at the new cartridge in my hand the words “ you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do” flashed. 

……..The store manager looked at me with astonishment in his eyes. He thanked me several times for being so honest. 

The feeling I felt as I left the store will last much longer then the ink in the cartridge.

Have you ever been in a similar situation?  Tell me how you felt or how you handled it.

What Single Dads Can Learn From Coach John Wooden

I am a huge fan of coach John Wooden.  I am currently reading my second book  written by him Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections on and Off the Court . His messages are very inspiring to me.

In one section he discusses the topic of bad apples. Basically it follows the idea that in any profession or group there is a tiny percentage of bad apples. The percentage never really changes but they are always there. The percentage of good apples is always large. We just never hear about them.

This got me thinking about the single mom and single dad discussions.

I believe the overwhelming majority in these groups are good.  But the ones that get most of the attention are the bad apples. This is especially true in the online discussions. Over the years, the small percentage of bad apples in the single dad category smothered the voices of the great ones.  The door is beginning to crack open a bit to let these stories out, but we still have a  long way to go.

We would all be a lot better off if we followed some additional advice by John Wooden.  ‘”Be quick to praise, and slow to critisize.”

What do you think? Have a few bad apples made it tougher on the good ones? What can be done to change it?

When Do You Stop Being A Single Dad?

Recently,  I was forwarded a terrific article by a friend and contributor Peter Ehrlich. The article is called The Disease Called Perfection,  originally posted by Dan on his  blog Single Dad Laughing.

If you read the article you should agree it is a great thought provoking piece. As I continued to review the website I found great posts on a variety of topics. I recommend you visit this terrific site often. It will be worth it.

However, I have begun to feel a disconnect towards articles I find on single dad websites about potty training, kids homework, ex issues, dating hotties, etc. 

I remarried two years ago which was a major change. But I still connect with being a single dad. I will always feel the need to stand firm with single dads getting the respect they deserve.

This fall my youngest daughter went off to college. I now seem a bit lost.

After 10 years of being a full time single dad of three, they are all gone.  Sure, they will come home for breaks and holidays, but that is just to visit now.

So though it may seem I am depressed, I am not. At times  I do drift off and picture them in their younger years.  But it  is not as much of an empty nest issue as a  ” Who am I really?”

I read a quote recently that stated, ” Life is easy and fun when you start being who you really are instead of what others think you should be.”

Who do I want to be? That is the question I need to explore. 

Have you ever had this dialog with yourself?  Do you ever question your true purpose? 

5 Divorce myths debunked

Are children of a divorced couple really doomed? We debunk myths about divorce.

By: Deborah Moskovitch

While shopping one day with a friend, we can across a top we both loved – one size fits all. Could we both wear thesame top and look fabulous? It sort of fit us both, but it didn’t look quite right on either of us.

For most things in life, one size doesn’t really fit all. Divorce is the same.

Divorce myth #1: Divorce is the end of a happy life. Divorce is certainly an end, but it can also be a beginning to a new and fulfilling life (http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/5-steps-to-post-divorce-happiness/a/1638). It is possible to build a better life post-divorce than the one you had before. Figure out what it is that you want out of life, and what you need to do to get there.

Divorce myth #2: Divorce is bad for everyone involved. For many, divorce is a difficult experience. But there are those who are relieved that the marriage is over, and who relish the opportunity to start over. It does require strength and confidence. But if you were in relationship that was destructive to you for a variety of reasons, then good for you: You can face life head on and take control of your future.

Divorce myth #3: Children of divorce are doomed to a life of trouble. Research indicates that children are resilient. It’s the ways that their parents handle their divorce that affects the way that their children deal with divorce. It is possible for children to develop happy and emotionally balanced lives. It’s the way their parents manage divorce (http://www.more.ca/relationships/married-life/from-dam-to-glam-dating-after-divorce/a/1800 ) that determines how positive the outcome is.

Divorce myth #4: Communication becomes better once you leave your spouse. Many people think that things will improve between former spouses once the divorce is final, especially if they have children. If you had trouble communicating during the marriage, chances are high that you will continue to have trouble communicating. If you couldn’t change him when you were married, you are not going to change him now. Accept that the only thing you have control over changing is yourself. Linda Popielarczyk  (http://www.connectionschildandfamily.com/), a registered Social Worker in Toronto, sees many separating and divorcing clients in her private practice. She notes that those with children are sometimes surprised to realize that that divorce does not end the relationship. “It is never really over for divorcing parents..rather, their challenge is to redefine their relationship to create a stable parenting partnership, despite their difficulties as partners in marriage.”

Popielarczyk sometimes finds parents will continue to argue with each other and complain about the same issues following separation as during their marriage. In these cases, they can be surprised to realize that they remain connected through these disagreements; and that they are not likely to change their former partners in separation, when they were unable to do so in marriage.

Divorce myth #5: The grass is greener on the other side. Often times people think that the problems behind their own unhappiness are somehow because of the marriage, and divorce will make the discontent go away, and all of a sudden sex and life will miraculously get better. There is a lot of self-work that needs to be done in order to find your own self happiness; another person can’t do that for you.

Examine your experience of marriage, not just what wasn’t good, but was great and what worked. Take some responsibility for your contribution, good and bad. Use this learning to point you in the direction of where you want to go, what you want to pursue and what you need in future relationships. Be introspective, and ensure you don’t get trapped into falling into relationship patterns that didn’t work previously.

Popielarczyk finds that divorce often represents a significant loss for adults, even when children are not involved. The longer the marriage, the greater the likelihood that ‘the relationship’ forms a significant part of one’s identity.

“People need to process what the separation means to them on an emotional level; to consider the marriage/relationship in terms of what was good, what was not so good, and how they may have contributed; and, who they are and want to become, as individuals, separate from the relationship.” It does one good to become conscious of lessons learned from the old relationship, or else risk a replay of the dynamics in subsequent relationships.

This article is original More.ca content.

Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways. To learn more visit thesmartdivorce.com (http://www.thesmartdivorce.com/)

 

Mapping Out A Prenup .. Second Time Around

The Question: I’m about to get married for the second time. How do I ensure that my children and my new wife won’t ever have to duke it out over my estate after I’m gone?

By Bryan Borzykowski

Mapping out a pre-nuptial agreement is never particularly romantic. But it can be especially tricky when children from previous relationships are involved.

Winnipeg-based engineer John Lang found this out the hard way. When Lang (not his real name) married his second wife 22 years ago, he wanted to guarantee that his sizable estate would be fairly divvied up among his new wife and his three children upon his death, so he drew up a pre-nup in which he distributed assets of comparable value among them. Easy enough. Read more

Identifying and Achieving Your Goals in a Divorce

By Erica Christian

The circumstances giving rise to a divorce may be emotionally consuming making it difficult for you to think about what life will be like once the divorce is granted. It’s also easy to be overwhelmed with all of the terminology and procedures that come along with filing for a divorce.

As you begin this process, you must thoughtfully consider what your goals are in regards to the issues that will be addressed in your case. Identifying goals, both in the short and long term, is essential to developing the best strategy to obtain the results you want in a divorce.

Below is a guide that will help get you started on defining your goals and identifying how these goals can be achieved. Read more

Is Someday Going To Be Your Best Day

Is someday going to be your best day? I came across those words while reading a book by John Maxwell “Put Your Dream to the Test“

The book was actually given to me as a gift by my friend Mark.  He invited me to lunch to catch up, and he had an extra copy of the book and he felt I would appreciate it. No strings attached. He  just knew it would strike a chord with me.  Giving without expecting anything in return. The ultimate and most meaningful gift.

He was right. John Maxwell is one of my favorite authors.  I could not put the book down. But this one paragraph made me pause and think. I’m sure you have had those moments.

Here is what he wrote. ” To really live the journey is what matters. If you become fixated on a destination, even a dream destination, you can miss all the great things that happen along the way. And, you miss the joy of today. If you’re convinced that someday is going to be your best day, you won’t put enough into today, or get enough out of it”.

How many of you, myself included, have thought , ” when I have more money”, or “when I get that dream car”, or for some, “when I find that someone special”, ” when I, when I when I”.

Meanwhile, life passes by and we live in the someday  I will be happy. Funny thing is once you finally acquire what you have dreamed about, there always seems to be another distant, “someday when I have that”.

Earl Nightingale in his award-winning and renown program “Earl Nightingale’s The Strangest Secret“, spoke of living with an Attitude of Gratitude. If you remind yourself daily to appreciate what you have and be thankful, he said,  life can be abundant.

All the great authors and teachers seem to share this same philosophy.  There has got to be something to it.

One life.  That is all you get. I am not saying it is easy. I will not stand in front of you and say I don’t have those moments or down days.

But I think if you can try and live with an attitude of gratitude and not wait for someday, today has a chance to be your best day.

Why Teens Need Dads

By: Ben Murphy
 
When our kids are young they think we dads are gods (well, for the most part anyway). We’re smart, strong, handsome… it’s really nice, isn’t it? But, come the teen years things can get complicated despite the best of intentions. The “because I’m your father, that’s why” argument no longer holds much water and we realize that some of the only clout we have in our teen’s lives is the consistent time we’ve invested in them growing up.

As the teenage years progress, there are times that your child will open up and share things with you, and times that they won’t – even if you have a great relationship. Perhaps it’s helpful to understand why teens need their fathers, and what you can do to deepen that relationship. Read more

Domestic Violence Isn’t Necessarily What You Thought

By Matthew A. Breddan, Esq.

When you hear the words “Domestic Violence” what victim comes to mind? When you do a Google Search for “what is domestic violence,” the very first link is titled “Web Definitions for domestic violence.” Its definition states: “violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women.” This definition clearly shows a “bias” against men . Read more

5 Key Reasons For Conflict In A Marriage

Marriage Problems

Courtesy of James J. Gross

“In any group of people there are different agendas,” said my friend, who ought to know because she has a PhD in psychology.

“And different agendas mean conflict.”

Now comes the important part. “A group is any number more than one!”

So a marriage is a group. That means two different agendas. And that means conflict.

There can be many reasons for conflict in a marriage. Read more

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