By: Ben Murphy

There’s an old adage that “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” The problem with most of us is that we make great plans, we just have trouble carrying them out. The truth of the matter is that we can only achieve what we attempt. Most of us sell ourselves short because we plan well, but never get around to the attempting.

I write about this topic because we can only be at our fullest when we pursue all we know we are capable of. It’s a little thing called ‘fulfillment.’ But a lot of people I talk to seem awfully unfulfilled, living in a world of “if only.” They love their family, but their job devours all their time. They shuttle their kids to endless activities, but never spend quality time with them. Their lives keep coming back to, “if only I’d started that business when the idea was fresh,” or, “if only I’d followed-through and finished my degree.”

I deeply believe that our main obligation in life is to do the best we can with what we’ve been given. It’s a high ideal, but its comes from observing other successful folks through the years. The folks I know who are getting what they want out of life are the ones who haven’t sold themselves short on their ideas and their dreams. They’ve taken small but steady steps in a concerted direction and made it happen. They benefit, their families benefit, and the community around them benefits too.

What’s your “if only?” Where are you selling yourself short? For some of us it’s in our work. For some it’s our health. No one else is going to solve that dilemma for you and all the planning in the world isn’t going to make your dreams come true. So, how do you get from here to there? Here are two small but powerful lessons I’ve learned about from others that have impacted my life. I hope they’re of as much use to you as they have been to me.

FAILURE OF SUCCESS: I have a good friend who, until a couple years ago, was in a boring IT job that paid the bills, but he wasn’t very happy. He’d always been interested in photography, so he bought himself a camera and shot a few friends’ weddings. Turns out he was pretty good at it. Sure enough word spread and he was getting more requests, so he started charging. And he kept getting requests. He now shoots weddings full-time. He has a very healthy income, has flexibility to be with his family, and is now flown out to shoot weddings in places like the Hamptons… all because he decided to start doing something he’d always wished he’d done. The reason I say this is because one of the things he shared with me about making the transition is that he realized he’d always been afraid of success. For a lot of us who have a pretty good life, why rock the boat? While the idea of unbridled success is great, at the risk of losing our current standard-of-living, most folks don’t take that step. It’s strange to think that we’re afraid of success, but most of us are.

THE LONG GAME: one of the most profound truths in life is that we typically overestimate what we can achieve over a short period of time, and we severely underestimate what we can achieve over a long period of time. When we have a dream, it often seems overwhelming to imagine accomplishing it in a month or a year. But what about two years? Three years? That amount of time flies by surprisingly quickly in our busy lives and even an hour each week devoted to one thing can steadily move a dream along. You sneak in :20 here and :30 there. Pretty soon you’ve spent an hour or two each week and you see progress. Progress breeds enthusiasm. And once that enthusiasm takes hold, it’s awfully hard to slow down!

If you feel like you’re not getting all you’d like out of life, do some reflection. Where are you selling yourself short?

Ben Murphy is the Founder of TheFatherLife.com, the men’s magazine for dads.

He lives in New York State with his wife and three daughters.

Related posts:

1. The Four Greatest Lies of Success
2. Program Your Own Success
3. You’ll See It When You Believe It

Set Me Free

In this week’s Pep Talk video the Comeback Coach, inspired by a visit to a Colorado corrections facility, encourages you to go before the parole board of your mind and announce, “set me free.”

Related posts:

1. Pep Talk Videos by The Comeback Coach
2. This Week’s Pep Talk Video by The Comeback Coach
3. Pep Talk Video by The Comeback Coach Inspired by Single Mom

By Richard B. Brooke

Imagine for a moment, where our society would be if we (people and businesses) allowed ourselves to believe we have no need for improvement. If we settled for “good enough,” instead of reaching for excellence. If in the afterglow of great success, we adopted an attitude of “We’ve arrived!” and neglected to ask, “How can we improve and reach the next level?”

One of the most unique and powerful gifts we all have is the ability to better ourselves every day, in every way. It is the ultimate opportunity to have the emotional, intellectual and physical faculties to identify and execute change. And it pays huge dividends, in both our personal and professional lives.

We can study a little every day, either by reading or listening or watching something that will support us to make shifts in how we take care of ourselves and our future. Even the smallest steps can quickly compound into vast improvements in:

• Who we are
• How we act
• How we react
• How we attract

The Japanese call it Kaizen … or “constant improvement.”

Let’s look at some areas of our lives where small daily improvements can add up to make huge differences over time:

YOUR HEALTH

What could be more important? Take care of your body; it is the only one you get. It could last well past 100 years of vitality and wellness. Here are a few things we can do every day:

1.    Make one better decision about what you eat. Drop the sugar or salt you usually add to your food. Enjoy one less beer, or one more helping of fiber or greens. Move away from white flour. Stop buying the things at the grocery store that do not support your health. If they are not in the kitchen, you are likely to NOT eat them. Rethink how you look at food: from a source of pleasure, to a source of necessary fuel. Food is fuel. Bad fuel causes engine failure. Good fuel wins races.

2.    Drink more water. Put a gallon of water in the refrigerator and make it your goal to consume it every day.

3.    Add one more physical activity. Walk the stairs instead of taking the elevator.  Walk to the mailbox. Hire a personal trainer. Stretch. Do something fun and physical.

1. Take time to relax … even 20 minutes a day can make a difference. Give yourself permission to lie in the hammock or take a quiet bath.

YOUR WEALTH

This is our ticket to freedom, fun, adventure and contribution. Anyone can become wealthy. The level you need for freedom is different from others. Find your number. How much in assets and income do you want in order to live life to the fullest? Then do the following every day:

1.   Add value to YOU as a professional. It does not matter if you are a chicken chopper or a rocket scientist … add value to your income-earning self. Learn something new that has value to your clients or employer. Add a new skill. Develop a new distinction. Form a new habit. Offer more of your professional self than you have before. You will earn more every year.

2.   Save more. Save more of what you spend money on now. Look for ways to get the same value for less money. Buy a three-year-old car versus brand new. Eat out once less each month. Exchange full cable services for the basic. Anyone can figure out how to save $100 a month off just his or her existing expenses. One hundred dollars saved and invested over 30 years equals hundreds of thousands in wealth. Just $100 a month!

3.   Invest more in appreciating assets, and less in depreciating assets. More appreciating assets like real estate, home improvements, your professional value, stocks and bonds. Less depreciating assets like autos, entertainment, gifts and impulse purchases. Just by shifting a few hundred dollars you will add hundreds of thousands to your net worth.

4.   Build a royalty residual income. Even when built part time, this residual income adds significant wealth. Five hundred dollars a month in residual income is, in itself, “worth” $50,000. The added $500 a month you invest in real estate or stocks can be worth hundreds of thousands over time. Residual income can come from a solid Network Marketing business, an online business, or writing a book about something for which you have a passion.

HOW YOU ACT

Are you kind? Are you compassionate? Are you generous? Do you take or give credit to others? Do you speak encouraging words? Do you speak about people’s strengths to others? Do you work enthusiastically? Do you do what you say you will do? Do you tell your truth when it could be a contribution? Do you listen to empower others?

How you and I act creates our value in the world … to the people around us like family, friends, coworkers and clients. When we act with excellence, speak with excellence, listen with excellence, and behave as excellent a person as we can in the moment, we are valued, we are attractive, we are trusted and we are loved.

Do these things every day to improve how you act:

1.   Make a commitment to say something kind every day … then increase it to every hour.

2.   Make the same commitment to do something kind every day. “Pay it Forward.”

3.   Make the same commitment to listen to someone … really listen to what they are saying, what they are not saying, what they really want to say, and how they feel. Listen to someone at a therapeutic level once a day.

4.   Audit your conversations. Develop the habit of asking yourself after each statement, “What was my motive in saying what I said and how I said it? Was it to contribute to the person, or to make myself look good?” Then ask yourself how you feel about someone who speaks to make themselves look good, more important than you, or more “right” than you.

5.   Make a bold request every day that will improve a relationship, business productivity, or will improve another person. For example, make a bold request that a friend or loved one stop speaking negatively about him or herself – battering their own poor self esteem. Or make a request that your spouse do something that you know will improve your love and relationship. When bold requests are made out of the context of support and improvement, they are often the tipping point that leads a person to act with excellence.

HOW YOU REACT

If actions are those things we think about (however briefly) before doing them, then reactions are those things we do without thinking. They are our built-in boomerang, over which we may feel we have no control or personal responsibility. Most people react in negative and destructive ways.

We can develop new “reactions” by developing new interpretations and habits. Here are some examples:

1.   When someone speaks down to you, what do you think and how do you feel about it? What is your reaction? Do you feel they think you are smaller and less than them? Do you think they may be right? Do you react with anger and retaliation, or do you shut down? How would it change your reaction if, when someone spoke down to you, you “interpreted” that they, themselves, feel small and could really use a lift. This new interpretation gives you a perfect opportunity to engage improving how you act (See steps 1-5 above).

2.   When someone is late, do you think they disrespected you? How do you retaliate? What if instead, you interpreted their lateness as due to a life in overwhelm, a sick child, or someone being late for them? Do you see how that changes your reaction and gives another opportunity for steps 1-5 above?

3.   When someone in authority tells you “no” or tells you to do something versus asks, how do you react? What if you interpreted that this leader is working on their path of developing compassionate leadership; that they have more responsibilities than they can handle and they need support? Again, see steps 1-5 above.

HOW YOU ATTRACT

Attraction is that mysterious energy that brings us a lucky outcome … the client or order we needed just in time; or the idea that breaks the log jam and propels us into massive productivity; or the person that just popped into our life and filled a void, either romantically or personally. We all know people who seem to hit the jackpots of life over and over again. We all know people who seem to always land on their feet and are always running with the wind towards their goals.

The lucky ones are those who were gifted by their parents with belief in themselves, such that they see every opportunity as a probability and inevitability. Everything can get done and should get done. No obstacle is too high or too wide. They deserve – not from and egotistical viewpoint, but from a spiritual abundance viewpoint – everything they choose to earn. They are the lucky ones. They are the one percent. About one out of 100 of us had parents lucky or wise enough to pass that gift on.

And For the Rest of Us …

There is a path, proven a billion times, which will bring anyone one of us the luck in life we so richly deserve. It is a simple path of Vision and Self-Motivation. It goes like this …

AUTHENTIC CORE VALUES

We each have a set of “rules” that makes us uniquely who we are. These rules define what is most important to us in life … what gives us life. To us, these rules are as essential as air and water. We must have them to be all we can be. Values are just labels for these rules … labels of the things we hold dear to us. There are no limits to the labels you can place on what you consider to be your authentic core values. Here are just a few examples:

Love … Fun … Adventure … Family … Spirituality … Leadership … Success … Discovery … Friendship … Excellence … Abundance … Honesty … Creativity …

The first step in the path, is to learn through self-discovery, self-listening and asking the right questions. What are your authentic core values? You will want to list them, keep them visually present, and refer to them as often as possible.

IMPOSED VALUES

We each also have a set of “rules” or imposed values. These are rules to live by handed down by authority figures in our lives, usually during our formative years (ages 1-5). Imposed values are not our authentic rules, but usually our parents’ rules; either authentic for them, or imposed by their parents (our grandparents). Here are some examples:

Hard Work … Education … Responsibility … Cleanliness … Success …

Family … Leadership … Spirituality … Security … Acceptance … Safety …

As you will notice, imposed values can also be authentic core values. What is authentic for one person, may be imposed for another. And just because your parents “insisted” that you live by a rule, does not mean it is not authentic for you. Identifying what is authentic for you is something only you can discover for yourself.

To capitalize on the laws of attraction, you will want to move away from living your life by any imposed rules. For when we live by imposed rules, you and I are always in conflict, always fighting, always resisting … and this is not the energy that attracts anything good.

Learn your imposed values, write them down and create a life plan to move away from them. This is not easy, nor will it usually happen quickly. And, it must happen for the real power you possess in your life to show up for you.

YOUR GIFTS

Each of us has also been fortunate to be given gifts. Gifts are those attributes that come naturally to us and contribute to other people. Gifts are not truly gifts if they cannot be contributed to the benefit of others. Examples of gifts are:

Love … Friendship … Leadership … Creativity …

Excellence … Safety … Joy… Listening … Honesty … Fun …

Learn your gift (or gifts) and again, write them down and keep them close to your daily living.

Once you know who you are (authentic values and gifts) you are ready to imagine what you want to do with your life, what you want to have in your life and, most importantly, who you want to be. This is as simple as writing a story … a story of how your life would be, could be and will be, if you could have it all.

Writing this story is like writing the screenplay of your life. It can be one page long or 100 pages long. It does not really matter, because for those diligent and deserving souls who get this far in knowing themselves, the rest is easy. The rest, as they say, is almost out of your hands.

WRITE YOUR STORY

As you write it, embrace the authentic YOU that has been uncovered. Write it with all the imagination of Walt Disney and then …

Learn to Believe It!

Most people in the world “believe” that beliefs are inherited, or are solely based on what has already occurred in one’s life. The truth is that all beliefs are learned, and most become self-fulfilling prophecies … meaning they became the truth because someone believed in them enough to make them true.

There are three ways to learn to believe. Either by studying evidence of the intended belief, believing what an authority figure tells us, or just imagining it (affirm it) over and over and over again. Most of what you and I believe today – about life, people, religion and even about politics – we learned from the repeated affirmations by those whom we trust. We can have the same imprinting process on ourselves, by imagining and affirming our own story.

When you have done this so often that you are starting to believe your imagined story, you will have created a vision. By definition, a vision is a story we fully believe, and which we expect to materialize. Visions, by definition, are inevitable.

A vision attracts its components to it like a magnet. A vision creates the motivation to bring it about. Motivation is that mysterious, powerful concoction of enthusiasm, courage, physical energy and creativity that makes things happen. Visions are lucky. Visionaries are the luckiest.

Find the true-blue you. Write the story of your future abundance. Learn to believe it is true for you. And then, all you have to do is hold on to being the best you can be.

Related posts:

1. The Power of Personal Authenticity
2. No Hill For a Climber
3. The Truth About Believing

By Richard B. Brooke

One of the biggest challenges I face in teaching people the Art of Self Motivation is leading them to understand how you and I learn to believe.

By the Mach II definition, a vision is not a vision unless you have some belief that it is inevitable. Otherwise, it is nothing more than a wish, at worst, and a goal, at best. Neither a wish nor a goal compare in power to a vision. Once we write some affirmations or a storyboarded vision, the big challenge comes in “being with it.” Every time we visualize it we may feel like a fraud. We may “know” it is not true, and so reading it every day becomes a chore and soon we may lose interest. So how do we learn to believe?

Here are the first two commonly accepted ways people learn to believe:

First, if you have actually experienced something, then you will believe it. This is because you hold that an actual experience is the truth and you automatically believe what you hold as true.

Next, there is input from authority figures, whether it is your parents, teachers, bosses or the media. If an authority figure says it is true, you often automatically believe it is true.

Imagine how easy it would be to “expect success” if you had been successful at the same venture before. Imagine how naturally you would make things happen if everyone important in your life – from your parents, to your clergy, to your spouse, to all your friends – insisted that you had the magic touch. It is easy to believe these first two ways. Unfortunately we don’t all have this going for us on every new venture we choose to tackle.

There is a third nearly lost art of believing that anyone can use, which is to “learn to believe” in anything. And it works like this:

There are two parts of you that make things happen. First is your conscious mind. Its job in life is to discern things like right and wrong, hot and cold, danger and safety, pleasure and pain. It draws on an infinite storehouse of experiences to match up what it is sensing with what it has sensed before. Out of all that, it draws conclusions in the form of opinions (“facts” if they are your own opinions and just opinions if they belong to others). You may call it judgment, or knowledge, or experience.

The conscious mind, in comparison to the other parts of you, is small and weak. It may have as many limiting judgments and opinions as it has empowering ones. It usually keeps you playing small and safe. It competes with others; it makes others less than you. It is the part of you that sits in a movie and “knows” that what you are viewing is all contrived. It knows that the movie is not real and that nothing really has happened to any of the people, regardless of what the film script dictates.

The other parts of you that makes things happen is comprised of your subconscious mind, your emotions and, if you will, your spiritual self. These parts, in combination, are the power within you that makes huge things happen and attracts good fortune to you. For most people, these parts are left to idle away in life, barely being utilized for anything truly desired.

These parts, in combination, create your intuition, your enthusiasm, your courage, your persistence and even extraordinary physical power, if needed. Anything that has ever been created or accomplished that is extraordinary in human history has been accomplished by placing these powers in play.

These are also the parts of you that do not – in fact cannot – distinguish the fact from the fiction in a movie. They are not influenced by the facts; they are only influenced by the story. They cannot tell the difference between a real event and one that has been vividly imagined. They cannot, will not, do not. If it is clearly imagined, it is to these powers as though it actually happened. And they respond accordingly. That is why, regardless of the facts, we cry in sad movies and we fear for the life of an actor in danger.

Our power to move mountains lies in our sadness, our fear, our joy and our anger. We can do anything and attract anything to us when we are moved to do so.

Herein lies the opportunity to believe in your visions. When you visualize something you want, and you do so according to Mach II, you will visualize it not as something you want, but as something you already have. That will trigger two things: One is the chatter of your conscious mind, which may have lots of opinions about your vision. Some may be empowering, others not so.

The other thing that happens – though not obvious at all – is that your spiritual self experiences the visualization of this “movie” as though it is actually happening. To your spiritual self, it is actually happening; it is a real experience; it is true. When you watch it once you get what we call an imprint. Watch it twice, you get two imprints; fifty times, fifty imprints. Each time it is to your spiritual self as though it has happened to you in real life. It starts to become part of your truth about you. You are now learning to believe.

This is the subtle behind-the-scenes way we believe, and given the chance, it will sneak up on you and start to influence your actions and attractions. For as you learn to believe in your visualizations, they become textbook visions. And the result is always the motivation to act and attract them into fruition.

The real challenge in mastering the Art of Self Motivation is to believe that you can, and will, learn to believe this way and then to act on it. You can trust in this process; it does work. It is working now for you … whether you choose the outcomes or not.

Related posts:

1. Program Your Own Success
2. You’ll See It When You Believe It
3. Being The Best You Can Be

By Rick Johnson

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you are just naturally drawn to a certain man? People like being around him. You can’t quite put your finger on what it is, but you know you like it. When he comes into a room or walks down the street people automatically notice him-they see something different about him. There’s something invigorating and compelling about him. It’s exciting and even a little dangerous to be around him. He’s calm but confident, relaxed but prepared, kind but authentic, and bold but compassionate. You feel safe and better about yourself in his presence.

You’ve just encountered authentic masculinity. It’s rare, but it’s out there.

One of the most misunderstood questions today is, “What is a real man?” In this two-part article we’ll look at some false attributes our culture thinks a “real” man possesses and then we’ll investigate what authentic masculinity really looks like.

Our society typically ascribes a dismal role to men, with low or no expectations of nobility or greatness. Few portrayals of men in the media are positive. Television shows and commercials often cast men as bumbling idiots with their wives as the competent ones in the family. This subtle attack on masculinity (all done under the guise of humor, which makes it acceptable) serves to make men question their worth and value.

I recently spoke at a church on the topic of “Why Men Matter.” This was an inspirational talk on the value of men in families and our society. Afterwards an elderly man approached me and said, “For my whole life as an adult man, over 50 years, all I’ve ever heard was the faults of masculinity. I’ve never been told I was important and valuable. To think I wasted all these years feeling bad about myself–thank you so much for telling me I mattered!”

Our culture patterns a somewhat perverted stereotype of what a man should be. Young men raised without fathers are especially confused by the images projected to them by today’s professional athletes, rap stars, and movies actors (many who were also raised without positive male role models) that model men as being self-indulgent, self-focused, hedonistic, or even violent.

Hollywood’s version of a man’s man is a kind of “leader of the pack,” alpha male; the kind of man other men look up to and try to emulate. He is typically a womanizer or at least able to charm all women into bed at will. He’s rugged, handsome, and tough. He can win against all odds and he doesn’t need any help from man or even God.

We learn early in life that to be successful we have to perform well. Cultural masculinity appears to hinge on the combination of the ability to make money (lots of it), have power, the adoration of many females, and sexual prowess. Here’s why these “performance” myths are false and even dangerous:

First of all hear this clearly. Money and power mean nothing. Men, you already have unprecedented power just by virtue of your gender. God has given each man the ability to change the world by himself! How you choose to use that power is another issue.

Secondly, money is just a tool. Making money is not hard. Anyone can make a lot of money. I’ve made a lot of money and lost a lot of money in my lifetime. Having owned several businesses I understand that making money is not difficult if your objective is just to become wealthy. For instance anyone could start a pornographic web site and make tons of money. You can cheat on business deals and take advantage of employees as a business owner and make lots of cash. However, making money with integrity is more difficult; becoming successful while maintaining your moral compass is more of a challenge and requires significant effort. Some of the most miserable men I know have a lot of money.

Third, having sex with scores of women is not difficult either. Many women, especially those reared without a father or who have been abused by men early in life, are easy targets for men without scruples. They are vulnerable to words that they wish to hear. These women desire masculine affection and validation so much that they willingly (if unwittingly) confuse sex for intimacy. But using women to confirm our manhood is a particularly non-effective tactic many men fall into. Unfortunately, femininity cannot ever bestow masculinity upon us, only masculinity can bestow masculinity. We know this in our heart-it’s why men raised by only women are often frustrated in the world of men. In the same way that a mother cannot bestow masculinity upon her son, a woman cannot bestow masculinity upon a man by sleeping with him. In other words even though we often consider sexual conquests or even the first act of sexual intercourse as the mark of manhood, a woman (even through sexual union) cannot grant that mantle upon a male. Some of the most immature, childish, and unhappy men I know sleep with a multitude of women.

Too often we men settle for judging ourselves by our sexual accomplishments, acquiring material possessions, conquering challenges, or sleeping with women in order to prove our manhood. Generally we do this when we have not had authentic role models to show us how a man acts. We then turn to posturing to try and show the world that we are in fact a “man.”

We have to find a way to give boys and young men a vision of masculinity that is greater and more inspiring than just making a lot of money or sleeping with as many women as possible.

We’ll address that issue in the second half of this article.

Article courtesy of Rick Johnson, Founder of  BetterDads.net

For more on this subject pick up a copy of Rick’s book, Power of a Man, The: Using Your Influence as a Man of Character

Related posts:

1. The Scent of a Man

The answer -  The Comeback Coach, otherwise know as Mark McIntosh.

How to  “Turn Lemons into Margaritas” is Mark’s latest book which he encourages readers to realize the importance of effectively dealing with change, challenge and adversity. Inspired by moments from family, friends, speaking engagements, hosting Colorado & Company and other venues, Mark with his usual positive outlook encourages others to run to daylight and play like a champion – in the game of life.

He speaks from first hand experience. Learning his life lessons from divorce, to corporate restructuring to dealing with a debilitating injury.

Mark was an All American athlete. Not just your run of the mill player. Not only did he play point guard for his High School basketball team, but he played baseball and was the star quarterback of  the football team.  He was given a full scholarship to the University of Missouri  to play football, and was about to be drafted to start in the minor leagues to play baseball.

One moment. One freak accident. Mark saw his hopes and dreams vanish in the blink of an eye. All the hard work, all the extra hours of practice.  He was right there, ready to grab hold and go for the ride of his life…….gone.

His  story is both tragic and inspiring.   While the sports world lost a dynamic player, we  gained one of the most dynamic  speakers and writers in the world today.  This transformation did not happen without bumps and demons to get past along the way. You will want to listen and learn from a man who has tasted the bitterness of life, and turned it into sweet tasting margaritas.

How lucky and fortunate  Single Dad Life is to have crossed paths with Mark. How thrilling it is to have Mark offer to provide content on a regular basis, inspiring single dads  to live the life they deserve. Did I fail to mention,  Mark is also a single dad!

As a big welcome to the Single Dad Life community, he has invited all of us to take part in his upcoming LIVE  teleseminar on relationship recovery. Give Mark a big welcome in the comments below.

When: JUNE 10th, Wednesday 12 NOON MST- please check your time zone

click here for details –>  “RELATIONSHIP RECOVERY”

Here is just a sampling of what is in store:

Related posts:

1. Pep Talk Video – Three strategies that will help you play like a champion in the game of life

By Richard B. Brooke

Ever been chatting with someone and before you can even finish your sentence they interrupt to share their own thought or finish yours for you? Or perhaps you are in the middle of making an important point and their attention is pulled away as they check their ringing cell phone, send an email or reply to a text message. We’ve all watched someone we are talking to nod and even mutter “uh huh” – knowing all the while they didn’t really hear a word we just said. These are conversations that leave people feeling unheard and unimportant, and they happen to all of us every day. In fact, most of us are guilty on a regular basis of listening to others in this same way.

You have all heard the cliché about why humans have two ears and only one mouth. The level at which I intend to encourage you to listen here would require that cliché was updated to a ratio of four or five ears to one mouth. If you think about how easy it is to offend someone with your mouth and how impossible it is to offend someone with your ears … well, you get the point.

Listening at the level described here is a discipline and an art that will pay big dividends in your personal relationships and in your business endeavors.

When you practice this, you will provide people around you with a gift that they have rarely been given in their lifetime.

The Gift of Listening is simply listening with a commitment to hear exactly what another person is saying. Hearing what they are intending to say but are not; even hearing what they are purposely not saying. More importantly, it is hearing what the other person is feeling … their words being an attempt at expressing those feelings. You may be feeling scared or mad or sad or happy. The artful listener will feel what it is you feel and let you know the communication has landed.

Listening at this level requires, first and foremost, a commitment to “source” the other person. This is an emotional and spiritual gift. You must be willing to give the other person the validation, acknowledgment and esteem they are seeking.

Think about what really happens when two people come together in a conversation. They could be talking about the weather, sports, politics, business or simply what they did last weekend. Each person comes to the conversation with an unconscious addiction to “being heard.” They want the other person to hear their point, their story, their opinion, their accomplishments, and their feelings on the subject. They are usually politely persistent, and they want the last word. Imagine what it looks like, sounds like and feels like to have these two agendas collide. Neither person is heard; neither is validated. Feelings are hurt or, at best, not nurtured. The result is an emotional train wreck. Empowerment, self-esteem, friendship, relationship and love are overlooked.

Giving the gift of listening starts with you setting aside, for the moment, your agenda to be sourced in a conversation.

Just make the commitment at the beginning of the conversation to have it be “all about the other person.” You do not have to do this in every conversation, just the ones where your goal is for the other person to walk away feeling better about themselves than before they spoke to you. Funny, but in every case they will also feel better about you … much better than if you tried to create the same feelings by making the dialogue “all about you.”

The second thing you must to do to listen at this level is to start listening with your body, your heart and your intuition, instead of your mind.

The superficial way you and I were taught in school to listen is with our conscious mind. That is the part of our mind that discerns between right and wrong, hot and cold, good and bad. It is the part of us that has formed opinions on everything we have ever heard, read, experienced or just thought about. Most of us go through life managing our affairs with all the information and opinions we have amassed in our conscious mind.

When using your conscious mind to listen, the result looks like an argument or a competition, or that you just plain aren’t interested. I tell you about my weather and you respond by telling me about yours. The thing is, I don’t care about your weather and you don’t care about mine. I tell you what I did this weekend and you think doing that is a waste of time. I tell you I think so-and-so should have done things this way and you disagree, if not verbally at least that is what you are thinking … and how you are listening.

There are other parts of you designed for far superior listening. Your body actually listens. It feels impressions of whether things said are true or false, authentic or contrived. It uses your emotions, your intuition, your unconscious mind all wrapped up in a spiritual self that, given the opportunity, can really hear the entire message. Again, it is hearing what is said, what is intended to be said, what is not said, and what is felt.

To give yourself the opportunity to listen with these tools you must have a clear intention to use them and not use your conscious mind. You accomplish this by agreeing to source the other person. To do this you will want to quiet your mind. Listen from a clean slate. Wipe clean your opinions about this person. Wipe clean from your thoughts what you want out of this conversation, other than to completely and fully be there for this person. Wipe clean the mindless chatter that keeps you from being fully present in this moment for this person and for what they want you to hear. This means if you hear your mind commenting on what the other person is saying you stop yourself and recommit – represence – yourself. Do this throughout the conversation as often as you need to, in order to stay present.

The third step to the Gift of Listening is to take a look at what is referred to as your habitual listening or your “already, always listening.” There are usually only a few. Each of us has at least one we use to filter conversations.
Habitual Listenings

• I already know this, therefore I do not really need to listen.
• Get to the point. I do not have time for all the preamble.
• I know where you are going with this and will help you get to the end.
• Whatever you have, I have better. Hurry up and finish so I can show you mine.
• I disagree with your position; therefore I will not listen further.
• I am so preoccupied with my own life story, I cannot pay attention to yours.
• I am so overwhelmed with who you are, I cannot hear what you are saying.

Identify your Habitual Listenings and practice recognizing when they are in play. Knowing about them and being willing to shut them off is half the battle.
Here are some new Empowering Habitual Listenings you may replace them with:

• I am here to hear all you have to say.
• I am here to feel all you are feeling.
• I am here to hear what you are not saying, as well.
• I am here to source you, to empower you, to get what it is you want me to get about you.
• It is all about you today.
• Your story is the only story.
• Your opinions carry opportunities for me to learn.
• Your concerns are valid for you and today are my concerns, as well.
• Today I see things through your eyes, hear through your ears and feel with your heart.
• In this conversation, you speak and I listen … really listen.

The fourth step is to ask Hunch-Led Questions. During these kinds of conversations you will feel questions that might be asked, either for clarification or to further the conversation down a path. Hunch-led questions need to be asked. Asking them will enrich the discussion. They are questions almost begging to be asked. They are, however, different from questions that you think up with your conscious mind.

The difference with Mind Questions is that they will have an agenda to them. Mind questions think they already know the answer and want to show they are right. Mind questions have opinions behind them. Mind questions have been thought out. If you find yourself entertaining any question that smells like this, do not ask it. If you find yourself with a hunch-led question ask it, even if you think it is too intrusive, too bold, or none of your business. If it is a hunch-led question, it is begging to be asked.

Listening at this level may seem like it takes a lot of energy and time. It may and it may not, depending on the person and topic. You can apply this level of listening to a 30-second conversation or a three-hour one. Either way you will provide the other person with an extraordinary experience.

The single most impactful word that describes what is accomplished here is “honoring” another person.

This is truly a spiritual experience for people, along the lines of unconditional love. Honoring people at this level is probably not something anyone has done for them since they were in the formative years with Mom and Dad, or the romance months of a new love. Applying that level of listening to any relationship, whether business or pleasure, will expand your horizons tenfold. You will have people wanting to be in your presence … for no other reason than they find you interesting and they feel better about themselves when they are with you.

Although a lot of what is offered here may not have been used in the following story, it is a great testimony to the power of listening:
Be the Most Interesting Person They Have Ever Met

Decades ago the editors of Psychology Today magazine staged an experiment to establish the effects of listening and asking easy, probing questions. Staff members flew to LAX from New York. The editor flew in later and on his flight created the intention of meeting his seatmate and getting to know him on the five-hour flight. For the duration of the flight the Psychology Today editor asked questions and listened. He asked more questions based on what he felt his seatmate wanted to talk more about, and avoided areas he felt he didn’t. His total purpose for being during the five hours was to have the time be all about his seatmate.

As suspected, throughout the flight the seatmate never asked anything about the editor, not even his name.

As the seatmate disembarked the plane the staff for Psychology Today was there to interview him. They simply asked him what he thought about the man seated next to him on the flight (the Psychology Today editor, whose name he did not even know). He responded: “He was the most interesting man I have ever met.”

Moral of the story: Being interesting may have nothing to do with your deeds, your opinions or your stories, but rather your interest in others.

In my brief 30-plus years of being in the supercharged people business, I have seen clearly that we spend most of our waking moments in an addictive unconscious quest to be known, honored and loved. We need to be trusted, admired and respected, as well. We go to great lengths to feed this addiction from the money we seek to earn, to the good deeds we make sure we get done, to the stories we tell of it all. Knowing how important it is to all of us, imagine how unique a gift you can be to your ever-widening circle of influence by just giving it to them in every conversation.

The gift of listening is the gift of healing.

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By Richard B. Brooke

It’s happened to all of us. One day you are plodding through life just fine. Oh sure, things could be better. It would be nice if you were making more money and driving a really classy car. People would really take notice if you advanced to the next level in your company. But for the most part, you are content … doing just fine. Then you bump into and old colleague or college buddy, and suddenly your world isn’t so peachy. You are forced to listen as your friend lists – one by one, leaving all humility aside – his recent achievements and numerous acquisitions.

Why him and not me, you may wonder. And if you are watching associates in the very company you’re in blow by you on their way to the top, your discouragement may turn to disbelief. With the same products and opportunities, why do some people create success while others struggle?

Obviously, there are a lot of factors unique to each of us. Call them challenges, excuses, priorities, circumstances or bad luck. We all have our hills to climb.

With enough motivation, mountains turn into molehills and good luck will prevail.

Motivation is that magic potion of emotional, internal energy that leads us to act powerfully. It’s a synergistic blend of enthusiasm, courage, persistence and creativity that has you looking at your world like a winner. You see it, feel it, and can even taste it. With that kind of magic mood, you and I can and will do anything we choose.

Motivation comes from a crystal-clear, heart-warming, mind-compelling vision – a Technicolor picture of what you see for yourself. A vision perfectly aligned with your goals, true values and natural gifts.

Now you have a choice. You can hope, wish for and want a compelling vision to visit you as it wanders the galaxy. That’s called bumping into motivation; but bumping into it happens about as often as you win the lottery. This, by the way, is how 95 percent of us manage our motivation – by accident.

Or you can grab your destiny like your life depends on it and create a vision that propels you into massive action.

You know how to do it. Think, dream, brainstorm and write. Keep writing and revising your vision until it works for you. Change it as soon as it quits working for you. And if you need help, I encourage you to get your hands on my book, Mach II With Your Hair on Fire.

It’s not easy. If it were, everyone would do it. But it’s what separates those with their “hair on fire” from those with wet heads. It’s up to you.

If you aren’t sure that your vision is powerful, just look at your actions in the past 90 days. Are you lighting up the world with your luck and good fortune? Or are you still struggling?

There’s no hill for a climber with a vision.

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By Richard B. Brooke

I listen with interest each year, as parents share their angst over the rising costs of sending their kids off to college. It’s not just parents of college-aged kids; it’s a topic on the hearts and minds of nearly every parent at some point. After all, doesn’t a college education guarantee a successful future?

After barely graduating high school with a D average (and only after I cheated off my best friend’s Civics final), it was no surprise that college wasn’t in the cards for me. It’s not that I didn’t have the intelligence or ambition. In fact, I wanted the benefits of a lucrative career. I just lacked the patience to muddle through more of what I had just escaped. Sound familiar to any of you?

As luck would have it, early in my career path I was introduced to Network Marketing and embarked on a whole new kind of education. Coincidentally, it wasn’t until halfway through my fourth year that I began to really apply what I was learning and experienced phenomenal results. And the rest, as they say, is history.

IMAGINE a whole new kind of college education …

Money magazine reports that colleges nationwide continue to jack up tuition four times faster than the inflation rate. With college costs escalating – and average salaries dropping – you may find yourself asking: Is a college education worth the price?

THE CURRENT PARADIGM LOOKS LIKE THIS:

You save a substantial amount in your child’s first 18 years to pay the $25,000 to $50,000 a year for him or her to earn a four-year degree. Often, there is no clear outcome in mind; no clear career plan or income path.

They go to school for four years, studying many of the same subjects they did in high school: history, math, English, etc.

They earn little or no income. Had they held a full-time job, this lost income would be more than $100,000 over those four years. Lost income plus expenses adds up to $200,000 to $300,000 per child. And you are out the cash with no recourse … keeping your fingers crossed that your investment will pay off for them.

They graduate from college having learned how to get – and hopefully keep – a J.O.B. working for someone else. For those of us acquainted with the harsh realities of the workaday world, there is little security in that.

WHAT IF IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

A university staffed by people who love to give back – teachers, coaches and mentors. Many are successful Network Marketing leaders who live a life of choice and contribution. The economic paradigm shift is staggering.

Using the Network Marketing model, the UNIVERSITY is a distributor in your favorite MLM company. You would sponsor the University, which in turn would sponsor your child.

There is no tuition. The University earns based on how successful the student becomes. It earns on as many different distributorships as it has students. There are hundreds of MLM companies involved, and therefore thousands of income centers funneling in. With no significant overhead except for staff, the University is very profitable.

You are not out any tuition and the University stands to earn – potentially forever – based on the efforts of your child. Plus, you get to invest the $100,000 you would have spent and watch it grow.

Your child learns invaluable life skills, like leadership, self-motivation, public speaking, listening, sales, self-esteem building, team building, project management and all aspects of marketing.

Your child works all four years to build his or her own Network Marketing Empire. They learn how to market themselves and their products; how and where to find prospects, to approach and language their offers, to give effective presentations, to speak powerfully to groups, and manage their business profits/losses and growth. They are held accountable to hit their numbers each week: numbers of approaches, presentations and new representatives.

Graduation is achieved by reaching a specific level in the comp plan, with a residual income of $4,000 to $5,000 a month – which exceeds the average first-year income for most college grads. If they do not graduate, they “stay in school” until they get it.

Upon graduation your child is free to design their own life, either continuing in Network Marketing, or pursuing a full-time career.

What could you have done with your life had you graduated college with a residual income of $4,000 to $5,000 a month? Would you have chosen the same career path you did, or would you have done something more fun and rewarding? How would you have invested that extra income over the past 10, 20, or 30 years? How much more net worth would you have? How would your parents lives been changed, had they redirected tuition into their own financial freedom and fun? How would their lives be different had you earned them $4,000 to $5,000 a month since college?

I am NOT advocating that a college education is NOT valuable. It is. And if the student has an entrepreneurial spirit, they are likely to be in business for themselves eventually anyway. Why burden them (and your bank account) with a traditional algebra education, which they may never use. Think Bill Gates, Michael Dell, Steve Jobs, Larry Ellison and Richard Branson – none of whom have college degrees, yet are wildly successful.

Since the MLM University does not yet exist, you can start your kids on this path by instilling the principles of Network Marketing early on. Create a vision for your own success and you will naturally model for them what is possible. Then mentor and encourage them to achieve their own greatness.

Now there’s an education you can take to the bank.

THINK ABOUT IT …

Do you think this idea is crazy?

Would you enroll your children in such a program?

Are your children going to inherit your business?

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By Richard B. Brooke

Have you ever seen the little children in undeveloped, impoverished countries on the news? Notice how happy they seem, unless they are starving or sick (which many of them are). Have you ever wondered how that can be? How can children with so little – and with so little future – seem so happy, carefree and full of joy?

Do you remember what you were like as a small child … say from the age of 3 to about age 10 or 12? Do you remember what you daydreamed about? What you loved doing or playing or learning? Do you remember anything about what you dreamed you would do someday when you grew up? Do you remember what was important to you? Was it Play … Winning … Friendship … Family … Nature … Adventure … Cooking … Creating … Caretaking?

The most authentic and, dare I say, personally evolved people on the planet are children.

When we were children anything was not only possible, but expected. Anything we wanted, we believed we could have – and have right now. Anything we wanted to do, we believed we could do right now, without any interference or negotiating. The world was our oyster. It could be no other way – not because we were insecure, selfish clods, but because our very existence made the world our candy store, in which we had unlimited credit.

From that perfect cocoon we developed a natural and permanent set of preferences about how we want to experience life. Some of us want adventure, others safety. Some creativity, others caretaking. These are what are often referred to in today’s psychology as our core values - those values that define our happiness, our peace and our power. As long as we get to do these things and embrace these preferences, we are in our groove and life is good – whether we are 7 or 67.

But just as we began to get into our groove – not long after we learn to communicate, discover our options, and gain some life experience – a powerful force (times two, in most cases) started to take shape in our lives. These two very powerful, very large forces were the key to our very existence, for they provided the home in which we got our most basic needs met: shelter and food. These two giants that permeated every second of our existence were, of course, our PARENTS.

Parents almost always have good intentions and almost always are a great contribution in our lives, beyond just keeping us alive. But for all of the good they are, parents are often the biggest challenge to our growing up to live out our dreams with that very early, very core set of very personal preferences … our core values.

You see, most parents missed Parenting 101, Childhood Psychology 102 and Authenticity 103 in school. They missed them because they do not exist. Parenting in our society usually follows the model of nature. It is expected to just be instinctive.

One instinct, which is certainly admirable, is wanting our children to be the best they can be … to be smart, strong and successful. More insidious is our desire for our children to be “right.” And what better way for them to be “right” than for them to be just like us. So early on, parents set out to make sure their children become just like them – with the right beliefs, the right habits, the right ethics, the right skills, hobbies, careers, religions; and even the right sports teams.

You may remember the relentless insistence that as a child you were expected by your parents to do things this way or that, see things this way or that, say things this way or that. Some of those lessons are so deeply ingrained they sing to us even today, like some old nursery rhymes. These are called imposed values.

Parents, with their inherent power and the barter of food and shelter are no match for young children with nothing but naturally developed preferences. This creates an unavoidable conflict between imposed versus core values.

And so the process of becoming inauthentic begins. It began with the very first “should.” You should do this (in other words, you better do this, or else!). We learned to push our core values deeper inside of us … hiding them away for a safer day to play. We kept putting on the clothes laid out for us every morning and every night … the clothes we should wear. The clothes we must wear, or else. Layer after layer of who we should be – to be right, and to be acceptable, and to be loved. Each layer stole more and more of our spiritual self, our natural free-flowing essence … our power.

Sadly even after our parents have passed, many of us live in fear of disappointing them. Can you see how insidious and powerful that internal programming is?

So how do you start to take off the layers of your parents’ hand-me-down clothes? The path of personal development is a path of authenticity. Authenticity is simply rediscovering and liberating our core values. Sometimes they are the same as some of our parents’. And always there are suppressed core values dying to be freed.

The more you and I live our lives to the tune of our own drummer, the more authentic and the more peaceful and powerful we are.

To support you in rediscovering your core values, I ask that you honestly answer the following questions:

Who would you choose to be and what would you love to do if there was no one (not any one … not your parents, grandparents, respected teachers, colleagues, friends, etc.) to stand in judgment?

What would you wear? What would your hobbies be? How would you spend your time and money?

In other words, who would you be if you had the full permission of everyone who loved you? Almost always we would be someone different than who we are.

Now, quietly and alone, begin to sculpt your authentic self – not from who you are now, but from who you are at the core. Peel off the layers. Let the Magnificent You shine through. Describe the Magnificent You in detail; write it down.

How do you look?

How do you feel?

What do you love to do and how do you do it?

What is truly important to you?

What sets you free?

What makes you feel your very best?

What lets you love freely?

What inspires and sets you on your path to greatness?

Write it all in the present tense, creating positive images with your words. Affirm it. Read it daily. Gather pictures, and music, and quotes to support it. Study it like you did your nursery rhymes as a kid … the songs and poems you learned by heart.

Think about what “by heart” means. It becomes part of who we are, existing in every cell of our body, laced throughout our spirit.

This process does work to peel off the layers of “others’ visions for you” and expose the true essence of you. It works because the process of visualizing the new you – regardless of your mindless chatter about it – over time trains your emotional, spiritual and unconscious self to believe and accept it.

It works because it is merely training the powerful part of you to shine again. It is already in there, always has been, covered up by a thousand wet blankets.

My greatest mentor told me in the late 70s that all personal power comes from self-honesty. I see authenticity as the same thing. Allowing ourselves to be the “real deal” lets our personal power run wild. It is an extraordinary process of rebirthing, if you will. This is one you can try at home.

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