Summer means backyard barbecues, swimming pools, ice cream, and Crocs

By: Howard Ludwig, TheFatherLife.com

Many of the kids in my neighborhood wear uniforms to school. During the summer, they wear a uniform of a different sort – shorts, T-shirts and Crocs.

Crocs are flexible foam shoes often sold in bright colors. The plastic clogs are riddled with air holes. Wearers praise these quirky kicks for their comfort and convenience. Crocs slip on and off quickly, clean up easily and don’t absorb foot odor.

Another equally vocal contingent despises the shoes for their fashion. A Facebook group called, “I don’t care how comfortable Crocs are, you look like a dumbass” has 1.5 million members. “They are the most visually insulting footwear of all time,” writes one Facebook fan.

My two- and three-year-old sons don’t have Facebook pages. They don’t have much fashion sense either (just like the old man). In fact, Bubba and Peter’s idea of red-carpet fashion is Star Wars pajamas and Spider-Man underwear.

My boys love Crocs because most of their friends have them. And while my youngest sometimes struggles to use a fork, even he can take his Crocs on and off by himself. Their feet don’t sweat in Crocs. And, the shoes are perfect for playing in puddles or in the sandbox.

For all of these same reasons, I love Crocs too – to hell with fashion.

Yet, I questioned the safety of these shoes. They aren’t sturdy. Perhaps parents of Croc-wearing tots are setting their children up for a lifetime of foot problems. Imagine a whole generation of flat-footed adults cursing their parents for outfitting them in foam resin clogs.

Marlene Reid said not to worry. She’s a spokeswoman for the American Podiatric Medical Association and practices podiatry in suburban Chicago. She also believes Crocs are relatively safe, particularly when compared to other summer footwear. “Crocs have certain components that we (podiatrists) look for in every shoe,” Reid said.

Crocs feature a contoured arch and a heel cup. There’s also ample room in the toe area, making the often-ridiculed shoe a viable option for folks with bunions and hammer toes. Finally, Crocs have flexible soles that bend as kids walk, Reid said.

It’s worth noting that some parents opt for off-branded Crocs, or Crock-offs. These shoes are fine too, as long as they have the same characteristics listed here, Reid said.

Of course, Crocs are not athletic shoes. So don’t send Junior to soccer practice wearing his slipons, but they’re much better than flip-flops and other flat-bottomed, stiff-soled summer shoes. In fact, the shoemaker even sells a medical version of Crocs that features a deeper heel cup and other custom features, Reid said.

With that in mind, the boys and I drove 100 miles to our nearest outlet mall. There’s a Crocs store there. The walls are lined with Crocs in more colors than you will find at Sherwin Williams. Bubba picked out a pair of royal blue Crocs. Peter opted for bright red. If you are going to wear ugly shoes, might as well flaunt it.

Howard Ludwig is a former business writer who traded in his reporter’s notebook for a diaper bag, becoming a stay-at-home dad. He can be reached at hludwig@thefatherlife.com.

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A Dad’s Point-of-View

By Bruce Sallan

Teen energy, angst, and anger manifest itself in so many ways. Every day it seems that we read about some teen that has done something unusually self-destructive, and occasionally destructive to others.

Columbine was an extreme example of this. Many so-called “normal” teens tend to use or abuse the ol’ standbys of drinking, drugs, and sex to handle these emotions and changes.

For my own 16-year-old, his reaction has been mostly anger. The irony is that I’ve found this to be both good and bad.

How hormones affect the average teen have been studied and documented, but no one really knows definitively their effect since each teen reacts in different ways. The same is true for most women’s experience with menopause, as my wife has suffered horribly while for her mother it was a blip on the screen of her mid-life.

Will has done a little of the aforementioned “standbys” stated above, to some degree. But he’s done nothing extraordinary, over-the-top, or that different from all teens with the possible exception of his recent angry moods.

When I say moods, I mean moods. Let’s try a few descriptive words: sullen, quiet, loud, belligerent, intransigent, stubborn, willful, explosive. His impulsive behavior got him in a mess of trouble when he posted a mean-spirited comment on Facebook. The backlash, as it instantaneously circulated among all his friends and peers, was stunning. It nearly de-railed Will’s wonderful eight-month relationship with his girlfriend, as all her friends got involved, taking sides, and giving his minor comment a true life of its own.

At first, Will just got angrier and angrier before we really talked it out and I got him to post an apology. Sadly, the others that were now involved wouldn’t let it go, but this isn’t the point of this column.

The point is how do teen boys channel their energy, their out-of-control hormones, and anger? For many, sports are the outlet. Banging each other on the football field till exhaustion probably can moderate any teen’s angry mood.

Will never cared for sports, but he did like and then love rock ‘n’ roll. It began with his getting an inexpensive electric guitar as a graduation present from Elementary School. He evolved into an accomplished musician, as he now plays guitar, bass, and drums, and he sings. Along the way, I supported him by taking him to concerts by legendary performers like Bruce Springsteen and Eric Clapton as well as some of his contemporary bands such as Green Day, Incubus, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, to name just a few.

Joining a local School-of-Rock type of school where kids get put into bands and perform at local venues, gave him his first taste of performing. In his tween years, at which time he just played guitar, he developed a charismatic presence on stage. Or, as I tend to believe, it just came natural to him.

But, with the onset of puberty and all its attendant hormonal changes, this outlet proved even more vital and cathartic for him. Less than a year ago, he took up the drums. We jokingly say that the video game “Rock Band” taught him the basics, as he almost instantly was a pro. This proved to be the ultimate release for his pent-up anger and emotion, as he’d go and bang on the drums until there was a puddle of sweat accumulated on the garage floor.

His first performance on the drums coincided with his 15th birthday. He had been playing for maybe four months. Now, the inherent charisma he’d shown playing guitar, turned into something deeper and more intoxicating. At this show, the energy and magnetism he displayed clearly took the center of attention completely away from the singer, in this case a teen girl.

Undeterred, she responded with amazing calm and, cool as can be, integrated Will’s energy into her performance. Rather than fight what he was bringing, she interacted with him in an unrehearsed manner as she’d jump on the drums platform and sing to him. Yes, they had rehearsed, but Will doesn’t come out and show his stuff until he’s on stage, so she had no idea of what was to come.

That show was terrific and an eye-opener. He’s now grown into a wildly exciting drummer, guitarist, and more recently a singer. Suffering from a cold and recovering from a broken arm, he did vocals in a Rage Against The Machine tribute concert. In his 10-minute exhibition, he left the audience and himself exhausted from the power of his vocals and showmanship. In fact, halfway through it, during an instrumental interlude, he sat on his haunches and just tried to recover his breath.

This story is really not about my son, but rather about the need for our teen boys, and maybe our girls too, to have that outlet–that passion that will keep their wild puberty in check. Our job as parents is to help our children find their passion and nurture it as best as we can. In my case, I just need earplugs.

Postscript: My son, through his own initiative, made his rock ‘n’ roll dream come true when he got to jam, on stage, with Chris Cornell at The Roxy Theatre in Hollywood May 3, 2010 (to read about it, go to: http://bit.ly/RnRonWS).

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

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By Peter Ehrlich

I’m haunted by my Ex Katherine. Not by that went wrong with our relationship, but what went right with our relationship – our love life.

After being laid naked, fetal-positioned, paralyzed, and wanting by our breakup, I want to attempt a sequel with my Ex. I am willing to work harder on our vertical life together for the sake of getting back to our spectacular horizontal life together. How much harder? I am willing to change.

But am I being naïve? Or is a fulfilling love life worth fighting extra hard for? Should I be happy with what I had, count my blessings and move on?

Katherine and I were two completely different people with two completely different sets of values. Katherine was whimsical, perky and light-hearted defined by a Martha Stuart palette of powder blues, pinks and floral arrangements.

Until Katherine came along, I didn’t know what the word whimsical meant. The word came up when she tried to tell me what kind of stuff she liked in her home. I actually had to ask her to explain the word whimsical to me.

Once I understood its meaning, I knew that I was the Anti-Christ of whimsical. I gravitate towards mute colours and images that were popular in the Middle Ages –gentle brown tones of mud mixed in with a dollop of existential or “*Eeyorian” angst. (*Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh)

I am more “whimsi-bleak” or “whimsi- the world is a *charnel house” kind of guy. (*Reference = Samual Beckett’s Waiting for Godot.)

I suppose if I asked Katherine what a charnel house was, she would reply, “Oh goody, I’m in the mood for a barbeque.”

Her Hugh Grant, Sandra Bullock-type film choices represented somewhat of a counterpoint to my Stalingrad, The Wehrmacht in Russia, Sin City or Gladiator preferences.

And finally, she loved her two cats the way I love my son, but my attitude towards pets (or people) is; if you can’t flush the toilet, get the hell out!

And so, you would think that breaking up with this woman would be a simple matter. Once broken up, I wouldn’t have to worry about my testicles being slashed by her jealous cats and I could watch whatever movie I wanted in my brown living room.

But it hasn’t been a simple matter. In fact, it’s been living hell. Sometimes I lay on the floor, unable to focus on much. Well, I can do this; Face flattened on the floor, I try to differentiate between the carpet fibres and carpet mites.

Why so f***ed up? My Ex and I may not have been soul mates (whatever the hell that is) but we sure as hell were once-in-a-lifetime sexmates.

Together Katherine and I had a wonderful, unabashed, deeply connected love life that was framed by a natural and mutual caring and trust.

Horizontal we were a match made in heaven and the relationship was effortless. Unfortunately, vertically, we were at odds and the relationship took work. We had a lot of fun together, a lot of laughs, and travelled well together, but our relationship, like many, could only succeed if you “checked in” a lot because we were very different kinds of people, defined by a different set of values.

But I didn’t check in a lot and we dissolved.

Here’s the conundrum. In any relationship, there is always something “qualitative” about the nature of your union. Consequently, there is always room for a sense of doubt. For example, “she does this well, but doesn’t do that well. He makes me happy this way, but not in that way”, etc. etc.

However, when you have a great love life together, that’s not qualitative, it’s absolute! And isn’t absoluteness exactly what we crave in our relationships? Extreme pleasure is absolute and addictive and life seems too short to live without it. Try harder I say.

So here’s the question-how far should we go to try to make a relationship work because you have a great sex life with your partner?

If you’re waiting for me to come up with an answer, forget it.

I haven’t a clue right now. I’m still talking to carpet mites.

How much do I miss sex with the Ex? Let me put it this way; “Katherine darling, it’s done. I’ve piled up all my brown furniture in the backyard together with my testosterone/war-themed DVDs. Got a match?”

Yes, I’m willing to compromise and try to have another go at our relationship, because a day doesn’t pass when I don’t think of my Ex, the road trips, the laughs and of course, our love life.

“Never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about.” I read that from a stranger’s page on Facebook that was devoted to the millions of us suffering from a broken heart.

There’s another reason why I’m thinking of making contact with my Ex again. These words drifted into my head after I made a half-hearted effort to spend time with someone else; “After he kissed someone new, he found himself unintentionally whispering his Ex’s name, out loud, as if he were accepting the moment as a penance for his sins, rather than the celebration of life it was supposed to be.”

Just because I lie on the carpet floor, talk to mites and hear voices in my head doesn’t mean I’m haunted by my Ex does it?

Of course it does.

Feel free to contact Peter at peter@geronimocode.com

to tell him your own haunting story.

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By Peter Ehrlich
 I want to talk about my newest, ongoing, “driving me forward” sexual fantasy. This twisted new fantasy is the new fuel that has launched me to join yet another dating site and contact virtually every single woman between the ages of 42 and 52. I can go to any dating site now and know the bio of most Toronto women right down to their astrological sign. That’s how passionate I feel about doing whatever needs to be done to live my out this perverted dream.

Are you curious to know what the fantasy is?

I thought so, so with no further ado, here it is: A good woman, lying beside me in bed, in flannel pajamas, toes touching, heads propped up – reading together in silence.

(Ah yes, to be comfortable in your silence together. There is no better barometer for your relationship. The wonderful, kind and insightful Michael Kaufman once told me that – www.michaelkaufman.com.)

Nothing these days is turning me on more than that image. I don’t “take care of myself” to the vision of the image, rather, I may let out a sigh, exhaled under the cool abyss of my blankets. After the sigh, I turn on my side to embrace the only thing I can embrace – my pillow.

Sick eh? I’m a young baby-boomer. My sexual formative years happened during the golden age, a time before HIV, when every girl and they were just girls back then, was on the pill. Evolutionarily speaking, that time came and went in the blink of an eye. But I was in smack in the middle of it, acting out my fantasies like I was a young Caligula, but with a good heart. Back then, my penis made almost all of my life-decisions for me. I’m still playing catch-up.

What happened? I got older. I did. Two of The Beatles have long since passed and there’s no need for another notch on my bed.

A long time ago, I watched lonely, divorced, isolated detective Al Pacino pull up beside a hooker and ask her to get in. She then asked him what he had in mind. “I just want you to sleep with me”, and he handed her one hundred dollars. She was dumbfounded of course, but CUT TO: the hooker awake, spooning Al, who was fast asleep in a fetal position.

I remember what did Commodus told Lucilla in Gladiator when he was watching her son sleep; “He sleeps well, because he knows he is loved”. I never forgot that moment. And so, Al Pacino could finally sleep well. It mattered not that it was a hooker, all women, and I mean all women have a serious nurturing side that begs to be appreciated.

I’m in the mood to sleep well too now. I didn’t care back then. I do now.

My son Noah, nineteen, not only left the nest, but he’s trekking around in Chile and Costa Rica with his girlfriend. The bedroom I built for him stares back to me in mocking silence. His only presence is manifested by the maps of Chile on the wall so I can follow his wanderings from 5,000 miles away.

I never understood why the elderly fed pigeons. I do now.

I never understood the notion that as you got older, “companionship” becomes more important. I do now. It’s the stuff that we who have trod so many miles deserve and require to be happy.

I can go no further with this column without puffing out my chest to remind you, and myself, that when the primal calls for it, this Satyr is still enthusiastic about answering the siren call, to gallop on to fulfill said equestrian duty. But my “performance menu” for an evening’s festivities and frolicking must now include “comfortable in silence” moments and that’s new.

There was a time in my single fatherhood where I could revel in my celibacy. That era is over with now.

Now it’s time to revel and live out my new bedtime fantasy – lying in bed with a “partner”, in flannel pajamas, toes touching, heads propped up, reading a good book, comfortable in our silence.

I feel so human today.

Feel free to contact  Peter at   peter@geronimocode.com

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A Dad’s Point-of-View

By Bruce Sallan

This holiday season my wife and I will celebrate our first year of marriage on separate continents. As we are different races and religions, there are usually challenges we encounter at this time of year, so maybe being 7,000 miles apart will make it easier. We’ve actually resolved the big conundrum for me–the Christmas tree.

I don’t care if you call it a Hannukah bush or an ordinary tree; it is a Christmas tree, pure and simple. It represents the birth of Christ and it’s not just a secular symbol. But, it matters to my wife, so we resolved the issue by agreeing, like so many mixed religious couples, to celebrate both Christmas and Hannukah. Since my boys were raised Jewish, and my younger son just became a Bar Mitzvah, it really isn’t an issue for me anymore.

Truly, it’s more to honor my wife, her background and her religion, versus a belief that it matters in our stage in life. My boys have been raised Jewish, have completed the major ritual of becoming a Bar Mitzvah and are now old enough to choose their path in life, and to be able to enjoy both holidays without confusion.

I believe, strongly, that a new marriage with young kids that decides to celebrate both holidays will only confuse children and the ultimate result will likely be their rejection of both religions. In our case, that is unlikely as my boys have had a distinctive Jewish upbringing and now, post Bar Mitzvah, can enjoy my wife’s holiday and its joys and traditions without their core values being challenged or confused.

Call me conciliatory or wimpy, I don’t care, but I think life is different in a second marriage when the kids have already been inculcated in one religion. Exposure now to different traditions won’t hurt and it is inevitable in their daily life anyway. My older son is dating a “gentile” as my mom would have said, and I think she’s a lovely girl. My younger son’s best friends are mostly Asian, therefore not Jewish, and I don’t see any problem as they’re good kids, smart kids, and mostly as academic and wholesome as he is.

Wow, what a different world we live in since I was a kid. My mother would ask me the last name of every friend I had, and especially any girl that I might’ve dated when I was old enough to date. I didn’t realize why, at first, until I was older and understood that the last name was a clue to their religion. Now, I ask my boys about their friend’s interests, their character, and their success at school. When and if I meet them, I might notice then their racial difference or ask about their backgrounds.

Isn’t this the way it’s supposed to be? I think so and I’m living proof of the diversity of the world today. My ex-wife was half-Japanese and my second wife is 100% Chinese and Christian. My boys are therefore, ¼ Japanese and, with my second wife’s background, completely confused about their identity. Just kidding. But, I do seriously think we represent what the future of the world will be like–a blended mix of race and religion with, I hope, respect for all our cultures.

I’m not sure where radical Islam fits into this future or our world today, but I’ll leave that hot potato political subject for the political commentators and writers. I will just focus on the Judeo-Christian basis of America and the racial mix of my own family. At least on that, I can speak with some authority and limit my rhetoric!

I’ve got completely off the track since this column is about how I will be spending my first wedding anniversary and this holiday season about 7,000 miles away from one of my sons and my wife. She’s taking my recent Bar Mitzvah boy to Japan as his present for his substantial achievement in becoming a Bar Mitzvah and in honor of his heritage and his interest in manga (Japanese comic books and art). I will be in the mountains, skiing, with my older son.

I guess you could say this is a very modern marriage in that we worked things out this way. We set up the Christmas tree the first week in December and had the Hannukah menorahs ready to light the first week of Hannukah, which this year, didn’t overlap with Christmas at all.

We represent the diversity that we read about, that our schools and universities preach about, and that our future likely looks like. In this case I really like it plus feel very grateful and lucky for how our family has reconstituted itself.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 16 and 13. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend and join his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” fan page. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

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A Dad’s Point-of-View

By Bruce Sallan

E-mail is so ubiquitous that we forget that it isn’t talking on the phone or having a conversation in person. Subtlety, facial expressions, or tonality are all lost in an e-mail message. I have found this has gotten me in trouble when I think I’m being funny, subtle, or sarcastic in an e-mail. And, the habit many of us have of forwarding a joke, photo, or an article creates even greater problems in many cases.

I think e-mail should probably be treated as Eliza Doolittle was advised in “My Fair Lady” about making conversation. “Stick to the weather and health” was Professor Higgins’s caution. Even that proved problematic as Eliza went into too much embarrassing detail about her own family’s health, before she completely blew it with her expletive encouraging one of the racehorses to “move your bloomin’ ass!”

I read recently that e-mail, like so many new technological innovations, may be receding in popularity among the younger generation in favor of instant messaging (on cell-phones and computers) or “tweeting” via Twitter, which is limited to something like 140 characters of text. Acronyms are the norm and the list of these short cuts, like “ttyl” (talk to you later) or “btw” (by the way), just keep growing and growing.

Correspondence, like in the days of pen and ink, has gone the way of the horse and buggy. But, e-mail is its own special creature and I’ve found it rampant with potential misunderstandings and strains on relationships. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stung by an e-mail reply to something I’ve sent out that I felt that person might really enjoy–or maybe, God forbid, learn something from. “My bad” to quote my son as I’m learning that almost no one but those closest to you want such e-mail.

For me, it’s learning whole new behavior, rules, and etiquette. And, there are actually some new rulebooks, though for me it’s been mostly learning by trial and error. An early book on this subject is “Send: The Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home” by David Shipley and Will Schwalbe. Amazon.com’s review said: “Funny, engaging, and oh-so-practical, “Send” is the ultimate etiquette handbook for email, making David Shipley and Will Schwalbe the “Miss Manners” resource for the digital age. Full of practical insights, “Send” is an invaluable resource for anyone who uses e-mail, and is guaranteed to help you “think before you click.” I’m just not sure I want to consult it for every decision regarding e-mail.

My wife is very typical for a woman as she prefers to talk vs. correspond via e-mail with me, her husband. When we’re apart, I think it’s easier to just put a sentence or two in an e-mail, especially if it’s just a simple question. This is a case where I must take into consideration her feelings and pick up the phone and call.

My boys, on the other hand, totally ignore my e-mail but respond instantly to a text message. My younger son is truly glued to his cell-phone as he’s messaging his friends constantly. It’s amazing. I never see him on the phone unless it’s a fellow classmate calling about a homework issue or problem. He also doesn’t make as many play dates as when he was in elementary school, though he clearly has many friends. Is this emblematic of the times?

As for me, my biggest disappointment has been the reactions some friends to e-mail that I’ve sent with an article that I felt was important. I don’t send anything of a political nature anymore to those friends who think the “other way,” but even many of my like-minded friends have asked me to stop sending them any e-mail of a non-personal nature. If it’s to check on how they’re doing, make plans to get together, wish someone a happy birthday, or the like, it is fine. Just don’t send them that healthcare column by a noted writer or something dealing with the Middle East.

I am a passionate man in everything I do, so when my friends react this way, it hurts and disappoints. As I’ve often declared, most everyone knows where the delete button is and, if there’s respect for the person sending such an e-mail, how difficult is it to peruse a few sentences to see if it’s of interest. Then, if it doesn’t grab you, just hit “delete.” I have fought this for too long and am throwing in the towel. Now, I just send out those sorts of e-mail to the much-reduced list of friends and family that welcome them and often send me the same in return.

Our children are growing up with this and other technology and it will all be a part of their lives hereafter. They don’t have memories of 8-track tapes, reel-to-reel recording tape, LPs, or transistor radios. To them, early cell-phones were big and clunky. So, I will bet they will develop an instinctual knowledge of e-mail and other new-tech etiquette. As it evolves, they’ll evolve with it. But, for my generation, and me it’s a struggle in the same way my parents could never learn to program their video tape recorder or store a phone number in a cell-phone.

Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 16 and 13. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.

Picture courtesy of  Fletcher Prince

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By Peter Ehrlich
Special to Single Dad Life
I find no sight more poignant these days than the remains of an abandoned bird’s nest. It puts my life into perspective better than any other image, with the exception of my mirror. (“Did I rent my face out or what? Who the hell are you”?).

In a matter of weeks, birds build their nest, teach their children to fly, push them out, and from what I can gather, don’t even bother saying goodbye.

My son is 17 years old. He’s still my baby right? Wrong.

I know that if I were to throw him the keys to his own apartment he wouldn’t hesitate to take them with a “thanks for everything, Dad. We had a lot of fun. I love you. Gotta go.”

Once we’ve decided to give our children wings, we must give them the wings of an eagle, not a sparrow so they can fly as far away as they want to.

When you’re a couple and your child leaves, you still have your partner to talk, explore and make love with.

As a single parent, with no child to care for, no friend to crawl into bed with, we may think we are starting our life all over, but that’s not true. Too much time has passed, too many lessons learned, for us to think living alone now will be as easy as it was when we were single in our 20s.

Back then we could afford psychologically to live alone and take the time to watch a spider struggle to make its way up the wall. Now that moment would hurt – a lot.

To thrive in the “emptiest nest years,” we should force ourselves to be more daring. We need to consider a leap before we look, a proactive approach because we don’t want to be a (single parent) boomer with too many regrets.

Here are a few suggestions how we can better survive the emptiest of nests:

Plan ahead. Don’t avoid thinking about it because you don’t want to face the fact that an empty nest is looming. How does that make you feel? What are you going to do when the time has come?

Forget making a long list of the places you still want to see. Choose one place and start there. Stone circles in Dartmoor with a friend? Just do it.

For years you encouraged your children to keep practicing so they would become proficient at that something. Now it’s your turn. J.K. Rowling said she contemplated suicide while a poor single parent as she suffered from depression. Then she wrote Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Why not you?

If you’re aching for intimacy, find someone worthy, because you’re officially out of excuses. And you can now have sex without worrying about your child popping in.

This may sound horrific, but would it be such a bad thing to move in with another single parent in a similar situation? (Great sitcom potential!)

At the end of the day, single parent empty-nesters should recall Edith Piaf’s courageous code of living: Non, je ne regrette rien.

You can contact Peter by emailing him at peter@geronimocode.com

Related posts:

1. Summer and Single Parent Hedonism
2. The Joy of Single Parent Sex – Really
3. Single Parent Genie Gives You Three Lovers

by Andy DeShong

Whether you wear them to correct vision problems, protect your eyes from sunlight or to disguise yourself, sunglasses are a surefire way to change the way you look. Choose the right size, shape and color and they will not only serve the purpose of protection and correction, but bring out your inner celebrity look. Choose the wrong one and you could look, well, like a stereotypical dork.

Sunglasses have a very practical purpose. They are not just fashion statements. Sunlight damages the eyes and the damage is cumulative. It should be stated for those who don’t know that UV-A and UV-B rays cause cataracts and macular degeneration — a leading cause of blindness in older people.

According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, inexpensive drugstore shades are as likely to give you the same quality of protection as designer brands. To be effective, lenses should block both UVA and UVB rays.

Sunglasses should transmit only 15 to 35% of the available light. If you can see your eyes through the lenses in a mirror, they may be too light. If you wear contacts, use sunglasses as well; contact lenses that claim to be UV-absorbing have not yet been proven to do so.

Glasses should fit close to your face with lenses large enough to cover the entire eye area. Wrap-around lenses give extra protection.
Optically precise and distortion-free lenses help prevent eyestrain and fatigue. Don’t take it for granted that high prices mean good optical clarity. A simple check is to turn your head while looking through the glasses at a pole or a tree — a pole that appears to waver indicates a minor distortion.

Different Types Of Lenses And Coatings:

Plastic lenses are popular as they are lighter, thinner and more impact resistant than glass. However, they scratch easily.

Glass lenses are thicker, heavier and more fragile. But they provide the clearest vision and are more scratch resistant.

Aspheric lenses are lightweight and thin. So if you have thick glasses, these will make a big difference.

Photo-chromatic lenses automatically change from light to dark in bright light, which is convenient for people who can’t switch from regular glasses to sunglasses. But they don’t turn as dark as sunglasses inside a car, since the windshield blocks some of the light rays that make them darken. They may also turn darker indoors than you really want them to.

Polarized lenses minimize glare by filtering horizontal light. They do not protect against UV rays, unless specially coated.

Anti-reflective coating can reduce reflected glare and blurred images which is useful for night driving, but the lenses are difficult to keep clean.

Mirror-coated lens have a thin metallic coating that reflects light away from your eyes but they won’t give you full UV protection.

Scratch resist coatings are available and highly recommended for plastic lenses.

Tints: How And Why To Choose Them

Tints add color to your face and help to hide the wrinkles and dark circles under the eyes. Darker lenses do not mean better protection! Very dark lenses can reduce clarity, make the pupils dilate and let in even more ultra violet light.

A tint with 50% transparency is adequate for all day wear for sun protection. For bright light situations, an 80% tint provides maximum protection.

Lenses with “gradient tint” have a full tint at the top, which fades gradually to no tint at all at the bottom. Driving glasses are often graded so you can see the dashboard clearly.

“Double gradient tint” lenses will have full tint at the top as well as the bottom of the lens, but with a medium tint in between. They are popular with skiers because the lenses cut glare from the sun above and the snow below, but allow for a clear view through the centre.

Colors – What They Mean And Do:

The color of the tint will absorb some parts of the light spectrum and this can help to make an object, like a ball, stand out clearer; or de-emphasize the background for better contrast.

Lenses should either be the same color as the object you need to focus on; or be from the opposite end of the color spectrum to get maximum contrast. For Baseball, rose lenses will filter out the green field, while orange will make the ball stand out against the blue sky. For tennis, yellow lenses will allow you to see the yellow ball better.

Gray is a good tint for daily wear. It will reduce brightness, but let colors stay true. Gray lenses cut glare and are excellent for driving. This is the best tint for people with color blindness.

Brown, amber and gold are excellent for general use. They block “blue light”; i.e., the near UV spectrum rays that are also not good for your eyes, but still allow the widest range of safe rays in the spectrum to reach your eyes.

Brown lenses suit activities that require constant distance perception, like in tennis or skiing. They are good for activities in lower light situations like early morning or evening and can help golfers distinguish a white golf ball better against the green.

Yellow tints cut off blue light and make things seem clearer and sharper. Blue light tends to scatter the most; which creates a kind of “blue glare”. Snow reflects a lot of blue light which is why snow lenses are yellow. Yellow also suits low light conditions, but you should remember that this tint distorts colors and is not suitable for any activity that requires accurate color perception.

Green tints offer the best color contrast and visual clarity since they let through high levels of yellow-green light to which the eye is the most responsive. However, green is not suitable for people with red-green color blindness.

Purple and rose tints will give you the best contrast for objects against a green or blue background and are suitable for hunting or water skiing.

Rose tints give best contrast as well as low-light image resolution.

Blue tints are the best ones to avoid! Blue enhances blue light which not only creates more glare, but is also thought to damage the eyes.

Choosing The Right Fit And Shape For Your Face

Your spectacle frames can make you look fun, funky, classic, sexy, intellectual or individual… It only requires careful choosing to get the perfect fit for your face to give you the image you wish to project.

Frames:

Modern frames come in a huge range of colors and shapes and are usually made of plastics or metals.

Plastic frames are colorful and durable. Most plastic frames are made of cellulose acetate or propionate. Other options like Nylon are suitable for people with allergies.

Metal frames usually have a nickel-silver core which is coated on the exterior with other materials. Stainless steel and titanium frames are available for those who are allergic. Titanium frames are also extremely light, but they need to be 100% titanium to be hypo allergenic.

If your frames tend to distort easily, try special materials like Flexon which have a “memory” that helps them retain their shape.

Fit:

Frames should cover your eyebrows and pupils should be centered at the middle of the lenses where vision is the clearest.

The bridge or the nosepiece supports most of the weight of the glasses and should sit evenly and lightly on your nose.

The temples or the side pieces of your glasses should go behind your ears comfortably without obstructing peripheral vision. Comfort cables can hook behind the ear to keep your glasses in place during strenuous activity. Library temples extend straight back and are held in place by pressure, which makes it easier to slip them on and off.

Color Co-ordination:

The color of your frame should suit your skin tone. Cool complexions have undertones of pink and blue and can carry off magenta, black, pink, blue, beige and silver.

Warm complexions have a yellow base. Earthy and autumn colors like brown, gold, maroon, peach, orange and khaki will go well with them.

Selecting A Frame To Suit Your Face:

Your frame’s shape should balance that of your face. Generally, contrasting shapes off set each other well. Pull your hair back and take a good look in the mirror to judge your face shape. Often, faces have a combination of shapes; so trial and error and a second opinion is the most reliable way to a good choice. Here’s a general guide to point the way!

1. Square Face: Has a wide forehead, broad jaw line and a square chin. The face is usually as broad as it is long.

* Choose: Round or oval frames will soften the jaw and add length to the face. The frame should have more horizontal depth than vertical and be wider than the broadest part of the face. Some weight on the top and temples set at the top of the frame will draw attention away from the jaw.

* Avoid: square, narrow styles and ones that emphasize the bottom rim.

2. Round Face: Fairly short with few angles; broad forehead, full cheeks and rounded chin. The breadth and width of the face will be equal.

* Choose: Angular, upswept styles with color or decoration at the temples to draw attention to the upper part of the face and add length. Metal frames with adjustable nose pads are ideal as they will stop lenses from pressing on the full cheeks. Frames should be wider than they are deep.

* Avoid: Overly square, round, or large frames which will add to the roundness.

3. Oval Face: Balanced and proportionate, with the forehead slightly wider than the chin, high cheek bones and small features. This is considered the ideal shape and many different styles will suit this face, so you can afford to be adventurous!

* Choose: Small geometric shapes which are in proportion to the face.

* Avoid: Low swooping temples or large styles that will unbalance or overwhelm the features.

4. Oblong Face: The length of the face is longer than it is wide with a long cheek line and nose.

* Choose: Frames that break the length of the face and give it width. Frames should have vertical depth. Try round, deep or low triangular frames. Strong horizontal lines and decorative temples will add width. A low bridge will help to shorten the nose. Curved frames will help soften the angular nature of this face.

* Avoid: Angular frames and small square shapes that emphasize the length of the face.

5. Heart Shaped Face: Broader at the forehead, tapering to a pointed chin and small mouth.

* Choose: Low triangular shapes like aviators and butterfly frames. Very light colors, rimless glasses and frames with rounded tops and squared bottoms will help to reduce the width of the top half of the face. Low temples will add balance.

* Avoid: Frames which are wider or heavier at the top.

6. Triangular Face: Comparatively narrow forehead and eye line, with a broader jaw.

* Choose: Frames with heavy detailing on the top half. Square, straight top aviators and semi-rimless glasses will help to fill out the top half of the face.

* Avoid: Low temple styles and bottom heavy or small, narrow frames.

Other Features To Consider:

1. Hair:

* For graying hair, avoid silver colored frames. Try brown toned ones instead.

* If you are balding, it makes your face look longer. A strong brow bar will draw attention away from a large forehead.

* Facial hair requires a light frame for balance. Square bottomed frames pair well with a round beard.

* Thick eyebrows require thin frames.

2. Eyes:

* A thick or dark bridge will draw widely spaced eyes closer together. For close set eyes, using a thin, clear bridge will make them seem wider.

3. Nose:

* A low set bridge will make a long nose look shorter, while high temples draw the eye up and away from the nose. A high bridge will make a short nose look longer.

Caring For Your Shades:

Do:

Use both hands to hold the temples, mid way on either side, when you put on or remove your glasses. This will keep them aligned and in shape for longer.

Moisten eye glasses before wiping clean. Warm running water and a drop of mild liquid soap will help remove surface dirt and smears. Wipe dry with a soft paper towel. Spray cleansers are also available at eye care stores.

Use Micro-fiber cloth for wiping. It traps dust and lifts it from the lens. Be careful to machine wash the cloth weekly to remove the dust it holds, or it will scratch your lenses. Do not use any fabric conditioners or softeners while cleaning micro-fiber cloth since it leaves residues.

Ask your optician to apply a special fixing solution on the tiny screws in the frames to keep them from falling out.

Keep glasses inside their protective case when not in use so they do not get scratched, bent, or crushed.

Don’t!

Never use household cleansing agents like alcohol, ammonia, acetone, harsh detergents and such to clean your frames or lenses.

The chlorine in swimming pool water could ruin your glasses.

Never wipe your glasses when they are dry.

Excessive heat will damage both your lenses as well as the frame, so leaving your glasses on the dash board or in the glove compartment of your car is a big no, no!

For more great tips and advice on style and fashion visit The Executives Closet

Related posts:

1. Dress Slimmer: How to Look Thinner in the Right Clothes
2. The Men’s Dress Shirt is Back!
3. The Scent of a Man

BY PETER EHRLICH

SPECIAL TO SINGLE DAD LIFE

For single parents, summer presents the only opportunity in the year to be a tad hedonistic.
Of course, being hedonistic is relative.
If you’re young, single and childless, indulging in drugs and sex and rock ‘n’ roll is not only natural, it’s expected. When I heard John Tory joined the Conservative Party at age 15, I was not only unimpressed, but something inside of me wanted to visit him, put my arm around him and ask if he wanted me to take him out and show him the real world.
And if you’re a parent with a partner, just having the partner is hedonistic. Imagine, at any given time Mr. Happily Married can call out to Mrs. Happily Married, “Hey Babycakes, can you give me some help?”
The best single parents can hope for is that some friend pops in at exactly the right time. “Jim, will you pour that tomato sauce in that pan so I can get that proposal out before Zack comes down for lunch?”

In summer, when the kids are away, single parents can play and we have the right to find time to indulge in hedonism sans guilt.
We suffer enough guilt from September to June, à la why couldn’t I keep the family together, or I regret that my child has to go back and forth, or, the drop in my household income makes me feel like a loser.
We can put that crap away in summer and employ the George Costanza approach to single parenting – just do the opposite; there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
Before I started this article I Googled *importance of me time* and got 76,900,000 hits. Then I Googled *importance of me time, single parents* and got zilch, so I know I’m onto something new.
(I suppose if I Googled *single parents, hedonism* I might get the first “negative” number in the history of Google! If Google had a voice it would say to me, “Man, not only does it not exist, like, you’re on another planet”.)
Here are the first steps to rediscovering the hedonistic self:
Proclaim your alone time as Single Parent Hedonist Week or Day.
Go to the mirror and say, “I’m better looking than I think.”
Acknowledge that your dog or cat likes you only because you feed them and that it’s time to relate to another human being who may want to lick you because of who you are as a both a parent, person or lover.
Ignore all child-related mess and visit places you would go if you were single; Yorkville, where the beautiful people hang out, or visit the new ROM and ignore the dinosaur bones.
Acknowledge that although you often enjoy being a single parent, that’s not the same thing as enjoying being single. Maybe it’s time to head to Indigo and split your time between looking at the book covers and flirting with the other sexy people looking at the book covers.
(Hey, I have an idea for a movie. A single parent’s child is away for a week and she meets a great guy, falls in love and has passionate sex for the first time in years.)
It’s summer and your children are thrilled because they once again have the opportunity to do anything they want. What a concept!
I’m suggesting that we, too, have the right to practice what our children already know – that it’s okay to think only of what’s in it for us, at least for one week in the year.

You can contact Peter by emailing him at  peter@geronimocode.com

Related posts:

1. The Joy of Single Parent Sex – Really
2. Single Parent Empty Nest Hard On The Heart
3. Single Parent Genie Gives You Three Lovers

Talk about an oxymoron and a book title not yet found on any shelf: The Joy of Single Parent Sex.

Surely it’s more relevant to single moms and dads to discuss the angst, court system, and the struggle to find a common ground with our Ex for the sake of our children.

Neither “single parent hedonism” nor “single parent sex” is found on Google. But “grandparents and sex” is. Up popped “grandparents caught in compromising position on the beach”.

I take great delight in finding something positive in an unexpected place, such as when I was 13 and found a Playboy magazine tucked into Uncle Moe’s bookshelf.

Years later, the unexpected place is the single parent home and the subject is sex.

Here is why I think there is joy in single parent sex:

When you’re out on a date and the person opposite you looks as perfect as a hot cup of coffee on a Sunday morning before the kids are awake, you can both talk about how you love your kids and actually get turned on a little more because knowing your date or lover, like you, loves their children, is wonderful common ground.

There is little chance either of you is a swinger because a great single parent can’t possibly have the time. And both of you will likely greatly appreciate the sex, as in “Thank you, Lord.”

Because the interval between sexual encounters is likely to be months or (gulp), years, each time is, well, like the first time. There is no way any single parent is going to approach sex with the words: “Oh yawn, I have to have sex again.”

And so, each roll in the hay, assuming the affection is mutual as it should be, is engaged in with great enthusiasm. You and your mate can bring your cellphones to the night table, both of you understanding it’s perfectly fine if your sex is interrupted by a phone call from either the babysitter or your teenager who is drunk and needs you to pick her up.

Not only would such an interruption not be a reason to get angry with the partner who must put their clothes back on after finally locating their underwear buried in the bedclothes, but in no time – say, the next day – it would also be an anecdote to share a laugh about.

You can tell anyone – the most cynical people you know, even your parents – that you had sex and they’ll be happy for you.

There are many reasons to be grateful for and inspired by your single parenthood. It can be a rewarding lifestyle, regardless of the fact that “woe is me” is too often attached to our current lot in life. (We’ll visit those reasons in subsequent columns.)

But for now, it’s summer, it’s hot, you’re hot, and every magazine out there talks about the joy of sex or how to have great sex.

I wanted to pay homage to the sex life of the world’s fastest growing family configuration, single parents.

We know all about sex. None of us is a virgin.

You can contact Peter at peter@geroninocode.com

Related posts:

1. The Favorite Single Parent Syndrome
2. Reading Single Parent Blogs Could Save Marriages
3. Summer and Single Parent Hedonism