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Identifying and Achieving Your Goals in a Divorce

admin — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:53:59 +0000

By Erica Christian

The circumstances giving rise to a divorce may be emotionally consuming making it difficult for you to think about what life will be like once the divorce is granted. It’s also easy to be overwhelmed with all of the terminology and procedures that come along with filing for a divorce.

As you begin this process, you must thoughtfully consider what your goals are in regards to the issues that will be addressed in your case. Identifying goals, both in the short and long term, is essential to developing the best strategy to obtain the results you want in a divorce.

Below is a guide that will help get you started on defining your goals and identifying how these goals can be achieved.

The Wish List

To initiate a divorce action, a party files a petition with the court asking the court to grant a divorce based on the terms he or she specifies. The Petitioner will include requests relating to all of the following: custody and placement of the minor children, financial support for the children, financial support for the party (maintenance or alimony), property division, and costs/attorneys fees. In states where fault plays a factor in the granting of the divorce or the ability to receive support, the Petitioner will include provisions, which describe what the other party did which precipitated the filing of the divorce.

The opposing party is often shocked when he or she sees everything the Petitioner is asking for. It’s important to realize that the petition is a wish list. Often, the relief requested in the Petition is unrealistic and unreasonable. However, if the Petitioner does not include everything he or she could possibly want, he or she may be barred from asking for that relief later in the process. Whether you are the Petitioner or the Respondent, it is important to begin by identifying your wish list in relation to the topics outlined above. Together with your attorney, you can later determine how realistic the goals are given your particular situation.

While engaging in this process of identifying you goals and later refining your goals with your attorney, you should be sure to keep an open mind. Depending on the circumstances leading to the divorce, you may be looking to punish your spouse, or punish yourself. To the best of your ability, it is important to look beyond the present situation. By keeping an open mind and analyzing your goals in the here and now and in the future, you will help yourself identify reasonable goals that you have a better chance of achieving.

Custody and Placement

Legal custody and physical custody are two very different concepts that are often confused into one concept of “custody.” Legal custody refers to the parent’s legal right and responsibility to make decisions for a minor child pertaining to health, education, and religion. Physical custody, sometimes referred to as placement, is the time that the child will spend with each parent. It is important for you to identify your goals relating to legal custody and physical placement at the beginning of the divorce process. Depending on your relationship with your children, the goals as to each may be different for the short term and the long term.

There are two types of legal custody: sole and joint. In many jurisdictions, there is a presumption that the parties should have joint legal custody of their children. This presumption can be overcome for a variety of reasons, including, but not limited to: lack of involvement by one parent in the child’s life; alcohol or other drug abuse by a parent; physical, emotional or mental abuse of a parent to the child or the other parent; and the ability of the parties to communicate with one another and support the other parent’s relationship with the child. Given the joint custody presumption and the burden needed to overcome the presumption, identify your goal as to legal custody and in a short sentence or two, identify why you believe this arrangement is in the best interest of your children.

Physical custody arrangements vary greatly. Physical custody also often determines who will receive child support. First, identify your ideal schedule. You may have heard of an every other weekend schedule or an equal shared placement schedule. Perhaps you and your spouse rotate placement during the school week. Simply identify the schedule that you believe is the best schedule considering your and your children’s schedules and the relationship your children have with each parent. As with the legal custody arrangement, compose a short statement describing why you believe this schedule is in your child’s best interest. Depending on your relationship with the children and the events leading up to the divorce, your ideal schedule during the pendency of the divorce may be different than the schedule you hope to enjoy with your children at the end of this process.

Financial support for the children and spouse

A thoughtful analysis of your present finances and the financial situation you and your wife will be in after the divorce is final will help you determine what your goals are in terms of support for the children and wife.

In most jurisdictions, child support is determined by a formula applying the placement schedule to the parties’ respective incomes. Even if you have an equal shared placement schedule or a majority of the placement with your children, your state’s formula may require you to pay more if there is a disparity in income between you and your wife.

Additionally, if there is a disparity in income, you or your wife may be able to seek spousal support, also referred to as maintenance or alimony. However, spousal support in most jurisdictions is not automatic simply because there is a disparity in income. Most states have a variety of factors that the court considers in determining whether or not a spouse is entitled to spousal support including, but not limited to: the length of the marriage, the earning potential of each party, the contributions of each party to the marriage giving appropriate weight to homemaking contributions, contributions of one party to the other party’s earning power, and possibly marital misconduct. Generally, the longer you were married and the bigger the difference in earnings, the longer you will pay maintenance or the larger the payment may be.

Given this basic understanding, identify your goals relating to spousal and child support. If there is a large disparity in income, you should also identify goals that would increase the earning power of the spouse earning less.

Asset and Debt Division

In order to come up with goals related to your assets and debts, you need to identify all of the assets and debts of the relationship. Each state varies in determining what assets and debt are individual and which are marital. Some states treat assets and debts acquired prior to the marriage as individual property; others count all assets as marital unless the asset was acquired by gift or inheritances.

For starters, identify what assets and debts you believe may be considered individual assets or debts. Then, of the marital assets and debts, define what your goal is as to division. Many states have a presumption that assets and debts are to be divided 50/50. However, there may be exigent factors that justify deviating from an equal division of the assets and debts in a relationship including, but not limited to, contributions to the marriage and marital misconduct.

What’s Possible and What’s Probable

Given the wish list is complete, the next step is to meet with your attorney and allow him or her to discuss what goals are possible and what goals are probable. The reasonableness of your goals will be largely dependent on the laws of your jurisdiction. Applying the law to the circumstances in your case will project what the probable results could be if your case went to trial. Notice I did not say what would happen in your divorce. An attorney with the ability to predict the future would most certainly be a force to be reckoned with. However, considering no attorney can predict the future, your attorney can only base his or her analysis of the probability and possibility of achieving your goals on his or her knowledge of the law and past experiences before the judge assigned to your case. Your attorney will then develop a strategy for your case keeping these goals in mind.

Achieving Your Goals

Now that you have a list of realistic goals for your case, the next step is negotiation or adversarial proceedings, which will realize these goals.

You and your wife are free to settle your case anytime you both choose so long as it is prior to the conclusion of a trial. This agreement may be the product of negotiations between the attorneys, direct negotiations between you and your wife, or the product of mediation. Direct negotiations are not advisable, especially in cases with complex issues. You should consult with your attorney prior to entering into any direct negotiations with your wife. To facilitate settlement, you and your wife may agree to mediation. Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process using a neutral third party, the mediator, to facilitate negotiations. Not all mediators are attorneys, but all mediators are trained in techniques to promote dialogue and realistic bargaining between the parties, which helps them reach a resolution by agreement. You may decide to have your attorneys present at the mediation, especially in situations with complicated issues.

If you and your wife cannot come to an agreement on the terms of your divorce, you have a right to have your issues litigated. At trial, you present evidence in favor of your terms, your wife presents evidence in favor of her terms, and a Guardian ad Litem may be appointed to present evidence in favor of terms that would be in the best interest of the children. At the conclusion of the trial, the Judge makes a ruling on all of the contested issues of the divorce. The difficulty with trial is the uncertainty of the end result. If you and your wife agree on some issues, but not all, you may be able to submit a partial agreement and have a trial on the remaining contested issues.

Prior to agreeing to any settlement, you should refer back to the goals you defined. After meeting with your attorney and analyzing which goals are being met through the agreement, you can then determine whether or not you should agree to a settlement or proceed with trial.

Erica Christian is an Associate Attorney in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin, office of Cordell & Cordell, P.C. She is licensed to practice law in the state of Wisconsin. She is a member of the Wisconsin Bar Association, the Family Law Section and the Children’s Law Section.

Article courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

What Should I Expect To Pay In Alimony?

admin — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:03:36 +0000

Ask the Lawyer

Question Submitted:

My wife has filed for divorce and is asking for $4000 a month in alimony. She filed without the use of a lawyer. The amount she is asking for is half of what I make in a month. I am a self employed contractor.

She has five kids from two previous marriages and we have had none together. We have been married for almost five years and pretty much supported them all by my paychecks. She has three businesses that she has started since we moved to California in 2005. She is a realtor, owns a small cosmetics company, and recently started a catering company. What should I be expecting to pay in alimony?

Answer:

Maintenance, or alimony, laws vary a great deal from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. So until you consult with a local attorney, it’s hard to say with any accuracy what you may be expected to pay.

If during your marriage you have generally made more money than she has, you will likely have a maintenance obligation. The duration of maintenance is not likely to be very long given that your marriage was under five years.

You’ve alluded to a couple of arguments that will be helpful in minimizing any maintenance obligation the court might order. Specifically, she’s a business woman. She is educated, well trained and experienced.

One purpose of maintenance is to help the lesser earning spouse rehabilitate his/her self to become a more marketable employee. Your wife doesn’t need to do that. She’s already a realtor, cosmetic company owner and she owns a catering company.

Further, any expenses that you covered during the marriage for her children were gifts, but you should not be obligated to continue to provide that support. The children’s fathers are obligated to do so through child support.

Claudia J. Weaver is an Associate Attorney with Cordell & Cordell, P.C., in Overland Park, Kansas. Ms. Weaver practices exclusively in the area of domestic relations.

Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

Does A New Live-In Boyfriend Change My Alimony Payments?

admin — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:25:26 +0000

Ask the Lawyer

Question Submitted:

What is the rule for alimony when your ex-spouse’s boyfriend moves in? I’ve talked to a lot of guys about this and there seems to be confusion about the addition of a new live-in boyfriend. Does his income ever make any difference in the amount of maintenance and child support that I’m paying? Does the time that he has lived in the house make a difference? Do I still get right of first refusal when my wife wants to leave the kids with him?

Answer:

The child support and the right of first refusal should not be automatically affected by the status of the boyfriend, absent specific terms in your divorce addressing such circumstances.

While normally not applicable to most situations, if the boyfriend is contributing to the support of your ex, that may constitute a substantial change in her ability to provide more of the support for the children to permit you to seek a reduction in your obligation. Such a reduction would be unusual.

The right of first refusal is intended to assure that the parents, not step-parents or other caregivers, are given primary responsibility for caring for the children, such that childcare by the boyfriend is not a substitute for your involvement with your children and the right of first refusal should still apply.

Spousal support (alimony), however, is usually affected by cohabitation with someone who is helping to support the ex.

The theory is that if someone else has taken on the responsibility for supporting your ex, you should no longer have to support her. The impact of the boyfriend upon the spousal support will depend upon the terms of your divorce as to the type of spousal support and the reasons for the spousal support. The specifics as to when the cohabitation affects spousal support, and when you have to file with the court to end your support, vary by State.

You should seek an immediate review, before the boyfriend moves out, by qualified legal counsel, such as Cordell & Cordell, as to the impact of the boyfriend’s cohabitation on your divorce terms and the time frame to file court proceedings.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois.

Courtesy of Dadsdivorce.com

Domestic Violence Isn’t Necessarily What You Thought

admin — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:46:25 +0000

By Matthew A. Breddan, Esq.

When you hear the words “Domestic Violence” what victim comes to mind? When you do a Google Search for “what is domestic violence,” the very first link is titled “Web Definitions for domestic violence.” Its definition states: “violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women.” This definition clearly shows a “bias” against men .

Under California law, Domestic Violence is defined by statute as “(a) Intentionally or recklessly to cause or attempt to cause bodily injury. (b) Sexual assault. (c) To place a person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to that person or to another. (d) To engage in any behavior that has been or could be enjoined pursuant to Section 6320.”

California Family Code § 6211 states “Domestic Violence as abuse perpetrated against any of the following persons: (a) A spouse or former spouse. (b) A cohabitant or former cohabitant, as defined in Section 6209. (c) A person with whom the respondent is having or has had a dating or engagement relationship. (d) A person with whom the respondent has had a child, where the presumption applies that the male parent is the father of the child of the female parent under the Uniform Parentage Act (Part 3 (commencing with Section 7600) of Division 12). (e) A child of a party or a child who is the subject of an action under the Uniform Parentage Act, where the presumption applies that the male parent is the father of the child to be protected. (f) Any other person related by consanguinity or affinity within the second degree.”

This last definition is clearly more gender neutral than the first, and the California Legislature also defines Domestic Violence as violence against any children of either party.

There is a large segment of academia that believes the number of men who are victims of domestic violence is far greater than the numbers being reported. These individuals postulate that there are a numerous reasons for the under-reporting, not the least of which is the stigma associated with a man being “beaten” by their female counterparts.

The incidence of domestic violence against men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates.

It has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse.

The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable to most people. Many men will not even attempt to report the incident.

The counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women. Not enough has been done to stop abuse against women. There has been very little investment in resources to address the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men.

In most cases, the actual physical damage inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women. The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others.

Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished, men usually end up feeling like nobody would believe them. It is widely assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or while playing contact sports. Women generally don’t do those things.

In 1997, Professors Martin Feibert and Denise Gonzalez, both from California State University, conducted a comprehensive study on women for perpetuating violence against their male counterparts. Approximately 30% of the women surveyed admitted to physical aggression against their male partners. The reasons given, however, were remarkable, to say the least.

Of the top five, the most prevalent reason given was “My partner wasn’t sensitive to my needs.” Coming in at a very close second was “I was trying to get his attention.” The next three on the list were: “He wasn’t listening to me;” “My partner was being verbally abusive” and “I didn’t think I would hurt him.” While many people believed that women mainly “fought back,” the reasons given in the order of frequency, clearly dispels this notion.

Even the latest fact sheet from the Centers for Disease Control (partly from crime-based data) states: “In the United States every year, about 1.5 million women and more than 800,000 men are raped or physically assaulted by an intimate partner” (i.e., 36% of the victims are men). Unfortunately, the DV industry has covered up female violence for decades for purely ideological reasons. (Kelly, Linda, “Disabusing the Definition of Domestic Abuse; How Women Batter Men and the Role of the Feminist State,” 30 Fl. St. U. Law R. 791, 2003,)

Domestic Violence is a societal ill that affects both MEN and women. Awareness, public acknowledgement, new definitions and changing the social stereotypes of who is abused will also help end Domestic Violence. The Charleston Gazette quotes Marc Angelucci of the National Coalition for Men, “We are not trying to belittle women who are abused, we’re trying to raise awareness that men are also victims .”

It is my goal to achieve the best possible results for my clients and in the process, ensuring that the children are not used as “pawns”, or bargaining chips to accomplish a goal or agenda of either party.

Originally from New York, I moved to California in 1983. After finishing High School in Woodland Hills, I attended California State University, Fullerton, where I obtained a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice with a minor in Sociology. Thereafter, I obtained my J.D. from University of La Verne, College of Law, and have been in practice ever since. http://matthewbreddan.com/

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

1. http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm
2.Tony Rutherford; Huntingtonnews.net Reporter; October 9, 2009 Article titled “Kanawha County Judge Rules West Virginia Domestic Violence Rules Discriminate Against Men” http://www.huntingtonnews.net/state/091009-rutherford-statetdomesticviolence.html The primary focus of my practice is all aspects of Family Law, from nuts to bolts. In addition, I serve as the family law mediator for the Superior Court of the County of Los Angeles, primarily in the San Fernando Branch court.

5 Key Reasons For Conflict In A Marriage

admin — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:13:00 +0000

Marriage Problems

Courtesy of James J. Gross

“In any group of people there are different agendas,” said my friend, who ought to know because she has a PhD in psychology.

“And different agendas mean conflict.”

Now comes the important part. “A group is any number more than one!”

So a marriage is a group. That means two different agendas. And that means conflict.

There can be many reasons for conflict in a marriage.

Infidelity. Infidelity is involved in about one divorce in five. Some marriages can survive infidelity. But if there is another man or woman in your life, then you are not in a committed relationship and there is a problem with your marriage

Domestic Violence. Verbal or physical violence is reason for divorce. Everyone has the right to be free from unwanted touching and physical harm. Words can hurt as much or more as physical pain. Spouses can be put out of the marital home for verbal or physical violence.

Control. Sometimes control is the issue. A husband may find success in the business world by exerting control. He tries to run his house the same way. A wife may stifle her emotional needs for years in the hopes that things will get better. Finally she leaves. Even if he tries to change now it is too late. She does not believe him.

Finances. Disagreement over finances may cause conflict. Opposites attract. A wife who is a saver might marry a spender. The wife might feel like she is rescuing the husband by providing order and a budget. The husband might enjoy the structure that the wife brings. But after a while, the restrictions are too binding and the husband rebels. The wife reacts by being even more strict than she normally would be on her own. Different financial strategies and philosophies can cause conflict in a marriage.

Parenting. People have different approaches to parenting. One parent may feel the other is too strict with the children. Another may feel the other parent is too lenient with the children and that the children need to learn independence. One parent may feel the other is lax about the children’s weight or medical problems. The other sees that parent as overprotective and perhaps even a hypochondriac.

There are alternatives to divorce. By the time people get to the lawyer’s office, they have usually made up their minds to get a divorce. But a few change their minds, or want to give their marriage one last chance. In that case, there are a few things you can try.

It is difficult to discuss these issues with your spouse. And some couples have no communication at all. You have to get your thoughts out of your head and into your mouth and then onto paper. Sometimes all it takes is sitting down at the kitchen table and talking to each other. However, most of us think that if we talk and talk, the other person will finally be persuaded that we are right. That will not work in this situation. You both have to listen and acknowledge what the other person has said before you speak.

Mediators are trained professionals who remain neutral and will help you reach agreements. It may be possible to negotiate a post-marital agreement to resolve some of the conflicts that have arisen in your marriage. In addition to finances, you can even include such details as who will cook meals, who will carry out the trash or how frequently you will have sex.

Counseling is a good way to figure out what to do. The marriage counselor will ask questions that help you think more clearly about what is going on and what you want. The marriage counselor will help the two of you communicate better with each other and provide ways for you to resolve your conflicts. When control is the issue in a marriage, sometimes all the couple needs is a good conflict resolution mechanism.

Article courtesy of Maryland Divorce Lawyers

4 Strategy Tips for Child Custody Battles

admin — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:30:22 +0000

Great insight from an attorney’s perspective.

Courtesy of James J. Gross

Sometimes in a child custody battle, a client will ask me, “What’s your strategy for my case?” I have to think about this for awhile because frequently I do things by intuition. That’s because through experience I know what has worked and what has not worked in prior cases. So here are some strategy tips for child custody battles.

1. Get the Facts First

Most clients are not lawyers. They are scattered and harried by their case. That means you have to get them to settle down and give you the facts. Then you have to check the facts because they give them to you only through their own filters. Finally you have to organize the facts.

2. Develop a Theory of the Case

Boil it down to one sentence that the client agrees with and can carry as a big flashing neon sign in the back of their head. This will inform their testimony at deposition and trial and help the lawyer present their story to the court. It will also help you separate the good facts, the ones that support your theory, from the bad facts, the ones that support the other side’s theory.

3. Be Constructive

Don’t make the theory of the case that the other party is the bad parent and you are the good parent. Play up your positives instead of the other parent’s negatives. Instead of, “Mom never helps little Johnny with his homework” say, “I am more consistent in helping little Johnny with his homework.”

4. You Can’t Fight City Hall

The Family Court System may be terrible, but we are not going to change it overnight for your case. Accept it the way it is. It is never going to be the way it should be. That means I can’t get the Judge to disqualify herself, I can’t get the Custody Evaluator or the Guardian Ad Litem replaced, so you are going to have to get these people on your side. If that means you have to get your own therapist or acting coach to tell you how to do it, then that is what you have to do.

Child custody battles are the worst kind of litigation. The stakes are high and emotions run wild. Who wants to lose their kids? But stay calm, use these strategic tips, and you will successfully navigate your child custody battle.

Article courtesy of Maryland Divorce Lawyers

Can I Use Erratic Behavior Of Ex To Obtain More Custody?

admin — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:25:49 +0000

Ask The Lawyer

Question submitted:

My ex and I have a four year old daughter, and my ex has now been evicted from two apartments with in 3 months. Now she is planning on moving in with the next door neighbor which she just met about three weeks ago. She is also behind on the daycare payments, which part of my support is supposed to pay for. How do I use this erratic behavior and irresponsibility to get more custody of our child?

Answer:

A parent’s inability to maintain a stable home environment for the child is one significant factor in any reassessment of custody arrangements.

The specifics of her changes in residence and any explanations she gives, as well as the benefits of your home environment, would be factors for a court to consider in making changes in the custody arrangements. The terms of your current custody arrangements and the specific requirements of the laws of your state as to timelines and criteria for custody reviews would need to be reviewed.

If the failure to pay the daycare results in your child being improperly supervised, that issue may also be relevant to the custody arrangements. However, the debt to the daycare would usually only impact the amount and nature of the support arrangements. You would need to review these issues with an experienced domestic litigation attorney in your state.

How Do I Fight My Ex Wife’s Use Of Parental Alienation?

admin — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:32:03 +0000

Ask The Lawyer

Question submitted:

My ex is using a form of parental alienation on our daughter. My daughter and mom refuse to pick up their phones to communicate with me. I text, email, and call to no avail.

It has been almost six weeks since I have spoken to, or seen, my daughter. I have joint custody and a visitation schedule of a couple days a week. My daughter is almost 16. What is the best way to handle this? My goal is to preserve my connection to my daughter.

Answer:

I suggest dividing the issues into your ex-wife’s conduct and the possibility of your daughter’s attitude being a factor of her age.

Your ex-wife can be held accountable through the court for compliance with any terms in your joint parenting agreement or other court orders that address telephone or electronic contact. If your court documents did not address telephone or electronic contact, you may need to seek court modification to include such provisions.

You advise that you have regular visitation rights but have not seen your daughter in six weeks. If your visitation is being impaired by your wife’s conduct or failure to act, enforcement proceedings may be warranted.

Generally, the parents must comply with the visitation schedule regardless of the desires of the child and a claim of visitation interference may be warranted. Consulting with a domestic relations law firm, such as Cordell & Cordell, would be the first step to determine what rights are encompassed by your court documents and what additional rights you might reasonably pursue in a court proceeding.

Your daughter’s age and status as a child of divorce may also be at issue and counseling with your daughter may be appropriate.

Under your divorce, you may be required to first discuss father-daughter counseling with your ex-wife as part of any agreement to mutually discuss with your ex decisions regarding your daughter’s health care. Failure to reach an agreement on the issue with your ex-wife may require court proceedings to require your ex-wife’s cooperation in making your daughter available to attend counseling.

Submit questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Divorce Advice for Men – 11 Things to Do Now

admin — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:25:42 +0000

By James J. Gross

There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Some things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters include the following.

Documents. Move your documents, records and other papers somewhere else, like a friend’s house or your attorney’s office. You can expect that your children’s mother will be going through your desk, briefcase, automobile, telephone records, bills, and computer, looking for financial information and other evidence to use against you.

Bank Accounts. Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and deposit your half in your own name. You can also put them all in your name, but sometimes this will make the judge angry with you. However, it is often easier to give money back than to get it back. If you are the breadwinner do not put your children and their mother out in the cold without some money to get by on. This will aggravate the judge who will make you pay anyway. Make arrangements so that bills will be covered. Let your children’s mother know what you have done, but not before you have done it. You do not want her to clean out the account first.

Stock. Call your broker and divide any stock, bonds or mutual funds that are held jointly with your children’s mother. While this is not a taxable event, you will have to take future taxes into account if you want to be fair. Therefore, ask your broker to make sure the tax basis is equalized as well.

Credit Cards. You do not want to wake up one morning and discover that your children’s mother has charged $5,000 on your joint credit card on a spending spree. You may be responsible for paying part or all of that $5,000. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your children’s mother. You may ask the company to reopen an account in your own name. This is a good time to request it. Let your children’s mother know so she is not caught by surprise at the gas pump when the credit card no longer works. If your she has already started her spending spree, report the card as stolen. If she has charged her attorney fees on the card, you can dispute the charges with the company.

Insurance. If you cover your spouse or children on your insurance, do not drop them from the policy at least until the divorce is final. You are probably responsible for their medical bills until then anyway. Even after the divorce, the employed spouse may want to keep the spouse and children covered. If you are paying child support, a large unexpected medical expense for the child could be assessed against the noncustodial parent as additional child support. The same could happen with alimony and an ex-spouse. Federal law allows most employees to cover their spouses for up to thirty six months after a divorce for a small additional premium. However, the employer must be notified prior to the final divorce decree.

Expenses. Two cannot live as cheaply as one, especially if they are separated and trying to maintain two households. It is time to cut costs as much as possible. Cancel anything you do not need like extra telephone lines or cable television. If there is any personal property you do not want or need, sell it. However, do not cut off the utilities on your children and their mother without giving them plenty of notice. Make sure you can prove this notice to the court because leaving your children and their mother home without heat or light in December seldom sits well with the judge.

Pensions. Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Fill out the paperwork to have your employer stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan. Do not make contributions this year to your IRA. This will keep your spouse from getting part of it and chances are you will be needing the money soon.

Inventory. Make a list of everything in the house. Take pictures or video tape everything if you wish. Be sure to date your inventory. Include furniture, furnishings, appliances, clothing and jewelry. Then you will know if something turns up missing, and you will have evidence of it.

Valuables. Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place. Anything with significant or sentimental value to you ought to be secured from your children’s mother. You are not trying to hide things. But you do not want to come home from work and find that your valuables have been sold at a yard sale.

Safe Deposit Box. You can establish a safe deposit box to store your valuables away from the house. If you already have a safe deposit box, and your children’s mother has access to it, you will want to remove your items and store them somewhere else. Make a list or take a picture or video tape of whatever is left in the box for proof later. The same goes for any storage unit you may have.

Get a Lawyer. Find a good family lawyer and set up an appointment right away. Some lawyers charge for an initial consultation and some do not. In the initial meeting, you will be able to get some good advice and strategy for your particular facts and circumstances. You will also be able to assess the attorney to see if it’s a good fit for you. During this meeting, the attorney will discuss costs with you. But be aware that any estimate by an attorney is the roughest of all guesses and depends upon what your spouse and her attorney do. Your attorney will probably tell you not to sign anything before he or she reviews it. Your attorney will also advise you about other matters you will need to consider during this change in your life, for example executing a new will and changing any powers of attorney.

Article courtesy of Maryland Divorce Lawyers

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How Do You Handle Visitation With An Interfering Ex?

admin — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 11:02:22 +0000

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Question Submitted:

When does it end? Court order by Cambridge court that a father gets visitation for the week of Christmas – a week in March and the month of July. The month of July is if the child wants to stay with the father during that period of time.

The mother each and EVERY time interferes. The child (14 yrs in the coming august) has said the mother writes things down on a piece of paper and tells her what to say. The child then says when she does not say what is written the mother gets very angry. The child is now being told she CANNOT come in July.

This is now the second year I have had to deal with this. Of course, the easy solution would be to take it back to court. But, the decision was already made by the Judge. How do we proceed?

Answer:

Your description of the situation leads to the conclusion that the mother’s conduct will not change without court intervention. The law of your state will dictate the process for enforcement or modification of the court order setting the visitation. The preparation for a court review may require your daughter to be interviewed by an attorney appointed to represent her (sometimes referred to as a child’s representative or a guardian ad litem), a court appoint psychologist, or even the judge to allow for a determination of the situation free from the direct influence of the mother. You should consult a qualified family law attorney in your state to review your legal options.

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Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

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