Identifying and Achieving Your Goals in a Divorce

By Erica Christian

The circumstances giving rise to a divorce may be emotionally consuming making it difficult for you to think about what life will be like once the divorce is granted. It’s also easy to be overwhelmed with all of the terminology and procedures that come along with filing for a divorce.

As you begin this process, you must thoughtfully consider what your goals are in regards to the issues that will be addressed in your case. Identifying goals, both in the short and long term, is essential to developing the best strategy to obtain the results you want in a divorce.

Below is a guide that will help get you started on defining your goals and identifying how these goals can be achieved. Read more

What Should I Expect To Pay In Alimony?

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Question Submitted:

My wife has filed for divorce and is asking for $4000 a month in alimony. She filed without the use of a lawyer. The amount she is asking for is half of what I make in a month. I am a self employed contractor.

She has five kids from two previous marriages and we have had none together. We have been married for almost five years and pretty much supported them all by my paychecks. She has three businesses that she has started since we moved to California in 2005. She is a realtor, owns a small cosmetics company, and recently started a catering company. What should I be expecting to pay in alimony?

Answer:

Maintenance, or alimony, laws vary a great deal from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. So until you consult with a local attorney, it’s hard to say with any accuracy what you may be expected to pay.

If during your marriage you have generally made more money than she has, you will likely have a maintenance obligation. The duration of maintenance is not likely to be very long given that your marriage was under five years.

You’ve alluded to a couple of arguments that will be helpful in minimizing any maintenance obligation the court might order. Specifically, she’s a business woman. She is educated, well trained and experienced.

One purpose of maintenance is to help the lesser earning spouse rehabilitate his/her self to become a more marketable employee. Your wife doesn’t need to do that. She’s already a realtor, cosmetic company owner and she owns a catering company.

Further, any expenses that you covered during the marriage for her children were gifts, but you should not be obligated to continue to provide that support. The children’s fathers are obligated to do so through child support.

Claudia J. Weaver is an Associate Attorney with Cordell & Cordell, P.C., in Overland Park, Kansas. Ms. Weaver practices exclusively in the area of domestic relations.

Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

Does A New Live-In Boyfriend Change My Alimony Payments?

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Question Submitted:

What is the rule for alimony when your ex-spouse’s boyfriend moves in? I’ve talked to a lot of guys about this and there seems to be confusion about the addition of a new live-in boyfriend. Does his income ever make any difference in the amount of maintenance and child support that I’m paying? Does the time that he has lived in the house make a difference? Do I still get right of first refusal when my wife wants to leave the kids with him?

Answer:

The child support and the right of first refusal should not be automatically affected by the status of the boyfriend, absent specific terms in your divorce addressing such circumstances.

While normally not applicable to most situations, if the boyfriend is contributing to the support of your ex, that may constitute a substantial change in her ability to provide more of the support for the children to permit you to seek a reduction in your obligation. Such a reduction would be unusual.

The right of first refusal is intended to assure that the parents, not step-parents or other caregivers, are given primary responsibility for caring for the children, such that childcare by the boyfriend is not a substitute for your involvement with your children and the right of first refusal should still apply.

Spousal support (alimony), however, is usually affected by cohabitation with someone who is helping to support the ex.

The theory is that if someone else has taken on the responsibility for supporting your ex, you should no longer have to support her. The impact of the boyfriend upon the spousal support will depend upon the terms of your divorce as to the type of spousal support and the reasons for the spousal support. The specifics as to when the cohabitation affects spousal support, and when you have to file with the court to end your support, vary by State.

You should seek an immediate review, before the boyfriend moves out, by qualified legal counsel, such as Cordell & Cordell, as to the impact of the boyfriend’s cohabitation on your divorce terms and the time frame to file court proceedings.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois.

Courtesy of Dadsdivorce.com

Domestic Violence Isn’t Necessarily What You Thought

By Matthew A. Breddan, Esq.

When you hear the words “Domestic Violence” what victim comes to mind? When you do a Google Search for “what is domestic violence,” the very first link is titled “Web Definitions for domestic violence.” Its definition states: “violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women.” This definition clearly shows a “bias” against men . Read more

5 Key Reasons For Conflict In A Marriage

Marriage Problems

Courtesy of James J. Gross

“In any group of people there are different agendas,” said my friend, who ought to know because she has a PhD in psychology.

“And different agendas mean conflict.”

Now comes the important part. “A group is any number more than one!”

So a marriage is a group. That means two different agendas. And that means conflict.

There can be many reasons for conflict in a marriage. Read more

4 Strategy Tips for Child Custody Battles

Great insight from an attorney’s perspective.

Courtesy of  James J. Gross

Sometimes in a child custody battle, a client will ask me, “What’s your strategy for my case?” I have to think about this for awhile because frequently I do things by intuition. That’s because through experience I know what has worked and what has not worked in prior cases. So here are some strategy tips for child custody battles. Read more

Can I Use Erratic Behavior Of Ex To Obtain More Custody?

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Question submitted:

My ex and I have a four year old daughter, and my ex has now been evicted from two apartments with in 3 months. Now she is planning on moving in with the next door neighbor which she just met about three weeks ago. She is also behind on the daycare payments, which part of my support is supposed to pay for. How do I use this erratic behavior and irresponsibility to get more custody of our child?

Answer:

A parent’s inability to maintain a stable home environment for the child is one significant factor in any reassessment of custody arrangements.

The specifics of her changes in residence and any explanations she gives, as well as the benefits of your home environment, would be factors for a court to consider in making changes in the custody arrangements. The terms of your current custody arrangements and the specific requirements of the laws of your state as to timelines and criteria for custody reviews would need to be reviewed.

If the failure to pay the daycare results in your child being improperly supervised, that issue may also be relevant to the custody arrangements. However, the debt to the daycare would usually only impact the amount and nature of the support arrangements. You would need to review these issues with an experienced domestic litigation attorney in your state.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois. Courtesy of DadsDivorce.com

How Do I Fight My Ex Wife’s Use Of Parental Alienation?

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Question submitted:

My ex is using a form of parental alienation on our daughter. My daughter and mom refuse to pick up their phones to communicate with me. I text, email, and call to no avail.

It has been almost six weeks since I have spoken to, or seen, my daughter. I have joint custody and a visitation schedule of a couple days a week. My daughter is almost 16. What is the best way to handle this? My goal is to preserve my connection to my daughter.

Answer:

I suggest dividing the issues into your ex-wife’s conduct and the possibility of your daughter’s attitude being a factor of her age.

Your ex-wife can be held accountable through the court for compliance with any terms in your joint parenting agreement or other court orders that address telephone or electronic contact. If your court documents did not address telephone or electronic contact, you may need to seek court modification to include such provisions.

You advise that you have regular visitation rights but have not seen your daughter in six weeks. If your visitation is being impaired by your wife’s conduct or failure to act, enforcement proceedings may be warranted.

Generally, the parents must comply with the visitation schedule regardless of the desires of the child and a claim of visitation interference may be warranted. Consulting with a domestic relations law firm, such as Cordell & Cordell, would be the first step to determine what rights are encompassed by your court documents and what additional rights you might reasonably pursue in a court proceeding.

Your daughter’s age and status as a child of divorce may also be at issue and counseling with your daughter may be appropriate.

Under your divorce, you may be required to first discuss father-daughter counseling with your ex-wife as part of any agreement to mutually discuss with your ex decisions regarding your daughter’s health care. Failure to reach an agreement on the issue with your ex-wife may require court proceedings to require your ex-wife’s cooperation in making your daughter available to attend counseling.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois. Courtesy of Dadsdivorce.com

Submit questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Divorce Advice for Men – 11 Things to Do Now

By James J. Gross

There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Some things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters include the following. Read more

How Do You Handle Visitation With An Interfering Ex?

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Question Submitted:

When does it end? Court order by Cambridge court that a father gets visitation for the week of Christmas – a week in March and the month of July. The month of July is if the child wants to stay with the father during that period of time.

The mother each and EVERY time interferes. The child (14 yrs in the coming august) has said the mother writes things down on a piece of paper and tells her what to say. The child then says when she does not say what is written the mother gets very angry. The child is now being told she CANNOT come in July.

This is now the second year I have had to deal with this. Of course, the easy solution would be to take it back to court. But, the decision was already made by the Judge. How do we proceed?

Answer:

Your description of the situation leads to the conclusion that the mother’s conduct will not change without court intervention. The law of your state will dictate the process for enforcement or modification of the court order setting the visitation. The preparation for a court review may require your daughter to be interviewed by an attorney appointed to represent her (sometimes referred to as a child’s representative or a guardian ad litem), a court appoint psychologist, or even the judge to allow for a determination of the situation free from the direct influence of the mother. You should consult a qualified family law attorney in your state to review your legal options.

Submit a questions to sdladvice@singledadlife.com

Courtesy of  DadsDivorce.com

Divorce for Men Before. During. After.

Richard Coffee is a Litigation Manager in the Belleville Illinois office of Cordell & Cordell. He is an experienced divorce attorney whose practice is devoted to domestic litigation. He is licensed in the State of Illinois and is admitted to practice law in the U.S. District Courts for Northern, Central and Southern Illinois.

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