How soon in new relationship to introduce your kids?
January 19, 2010 by barryk
Filed under Dating & Sex
This conversation comes up often and the feedback I get is mixed. So I figured it would be a great topic for discussion.
How soon after beginning a new relationship should you introduce your kids?
I have been a big believer in waiting until you are sure the relationship is for real. No need to bring someone into your children’s life only to have them gone sooner or later. I have been challanged by others who say they do not even want to begin building a serious relationship until they see how they interact with their kids.
What has been your experience and thoughts on this issue?
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I think the question is HOW MUCH time his kids spend with his girlfriend. The comfort level of the woman being dated should always be taken into consideration first. That aside, if contact is limited in comparison to other female figures: their mom, grandmothers, day care workers and if the guy is not all smoochy smoochy in front of the kids – in other words, that she’s just another female that they occasionally platonically interact with, then I think it’s ok for the kids at any stage of the game. After all, kids have friends too, and those change pretty frequently.
I think the comfort level of the kids should be the first consideration but I agree with Seth. The kids see me with lots of adult friends male and female and they’re fine with that – mostly they ignore them!
They don’t want to see me being sexual so as long as we give an appearance of it being platonic I would be OK introducing them after a month or so. If you’re lucky/ unlucky enough to have a string of partners I’m not sure that is such a healthy thing so would restrict to those people who are likely to be around for a while.
Seth, completely agree with the limit to the over the top affection early on in front of the kids. Good points.
Normal guy makes the important point to make sure you feel like the relationship is going to be around for a while.