Comments on: Parents – Why Counting to 3 Is Making Your Kid A Bully!

By: barryk

barryk — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:42:51 +0000

Great insight Jason. Thank you. I do agree with you that every child needs to have boundaries and know the consequences of their actions. I feel the message behind Pam’s article is that we as parents can communicate in a different manor than using our size and authority to create fear instead of understanding by counting to 3. Hey, I was as guilty as the next. I admit, I used this when my kids were younger. I don’t think counting to three can never be used, just try and not make it the norm.

By: JasonC

JasonC — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:09:54 +0000

I think this is a very unhelpful article, confusing the setting of boundaries with the application of unreasonable punishment.

Children need to have boundaries, and they need to know that consequences follow if they do not fulfill their responsibilities.

Leaving a child behind, or the removal of love are unacceptable consequences to any situation. But removing a favourite toy, or banning a child from their nintendo aren’t. So if a child refuses to get dressed for school in the morning, because they want to watch a tv show. And they meet requests for reasonable behaviour with stubborn refusals, they need to be shown that there are consequences to not doing the things you have to do. Giving a child a count of three before the consequence occurs is a way of letting them know they have reached the “edge of the world”, and ensuring that they understand they are now making a choice. Counting to three can’t be seen as bullying. It’s the “consequence” that matters here.

Children need firm boundaries (not nasty ones) and they need the boundaries to be enforced; not in a nasty way but in a reasonable and authoritative manner. Failure to do so would be the worst bullying of all.

By: Cathy

Cathy — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:23:24 +0000

Great article! My boys responded to positive reinforcement. Counting was lost on them. I think they had figured out I was a push over. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages for Children is another good resource. That one and the one for teens. .-= Cathy´s last blog ..Finding ‘The One’ – Should We Be More Practical? =-.

By: barryk

barryk — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:10:34 +0000

Val thanks so much for the book recommendations. Looks like good stuff for all parents to read.

By: Val

Val — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:44:02 +0000

Excellent Quote! “how we treat a child, the child will treat the world”. I love it.

You bring up some interesting and valid points. If I may, I’d like to suggest some stuff I found helpful as a parent.

* How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnagie. It’s the eternal classic on positive human relations.

* Verbal Judo by George Thompson. How to re-direct and neutralize anyone who’s arguing, screaming, ranting etc. It works.

* The Total Bully Solution by Adam Blum. A home-coaching program for parents of children age 5-12. Comprehensive, interdisciplinary 3-phase system that empowers kids to handle social agression, improves social skills, encourages good decision making and promotes ethical character.

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:30:49 +0000

This is a great post! Love the first sentence – that right there puts the whole thing in perspective. I’m a big believer that parents should treat kids in the same respectful way they treat coworkers (i.e. other adults). When kids are respected, they often return the respect with good behavior and responsible choices.
.-= dadshouse´s last blog ..Where do Jon and Kate Gosselin Live? In Denial =-.