Allowing Your Kids to Drink is Not Cool
July 9, 2009 by barryk
Filed under SDL Blog, Your Best Life
Am I just too conservative? I realize as I have gotten older my views have began to swing in that direction. This does tend to happen. Think Woodstock, and today’s CEO’s.
But I just don’t get parents who think it is okay to let their kids drink. I just read a post on a blog by a single mom Martini Mom , dealing with among other issues, an ex who allowed their seven year old son to take part in a drinking game. Even though he had the child use orange juice instead of beer, am I wrong in thinking this guy should be tarred and feathered!
This situation happens more often than we care to admit. I had a similar situation last summer. My family was invited to share a house with several other families for a week in the Outer Banks in North Carolina. My kids 16,18,20 (at the time) and children from the other families were there. All but a couple were under-aged, some as young as 13. At night, after going to bed, the kids stayed up later and hung out. I discovered that the parents allowed ALL the kids to drink. After all they told me, as long as they stay in the house they felt it was okay and they were on vacation. HUH?? Talk about an awkward situation. I expressed my displeasure, and spoke to my kids about my feelings and to be responsible. Oh sure I could have left the house, lose the $1700 for the week and gone home. But , that wasn’t realistic. I will give a little leeway to the kids in college and older (some may disagree), but to think it is okay for the others? Forget the example being shown, the liability was staggering!
Needless to say, we were not invited back this summer. I guess my displeasure and restrictions were not appreciated by the other families and voted out. 
Why must parents be in such a rush to have their kids do adult activities? My gut feeling? First, it is just plain easier to look the other way than to be the parent. Second and probably the biggest culprit, they want to be liked and be their kids best buddy. How about being the parent instead of being the buddy to a dead child in a drunk driving accident! I know parents that have lost their son to a drunk driver, and another that is facing jail time for vehicular manslaughter. It is the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking event beyond words.
I am not perfect. I love to have fun and have a blast with my kids. Most of my kids friends think I am pretty cool. (at least that is what I hear anyway). But, all my kids know, and their friends, don’t even THINK about drinking in our house.
One of the toughest situations, is when one of your kids parents, does not feel the same way. You can only hope you have set the example for them to follow. Please don’t give me the argument that “I would rather teach my kid how to drink so they can handle it.” No one taught me and I figured it out just fine. That is the biggest cop out I have ever heard.
No kid is perfect. I wasn’t. Ok maybe close 
I am a firm believer that most kids turn out to be wonderful productive members of society. Often, there is some luck involved. Sometimes kids are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I love my kids more than life itself and would take a bullet for them. No different than most other parents. If your kids are under-aged, and you hand them the drink, you might as well hand them a revolver and let them play Russian Roulette.
We are young for such a short time and adults for most of our lives. No need to rush it. That is cool.
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Well what is wrong with drinking? It is common for young kids in Europe to share a glass of wine with their parents at dinner. I think it’s better for parents to teach their kids that drinking is no big deal and to be responsible. I’ve seen kids in college with conservative parents go crazy because this is the first time they can do whatever they want. I think the parents at the beach house were completely reasonable. Would you rather them drink while you guys as parents are near? Or get loose when you’re not. At least this way you can see how they act when they drink. Also don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical that we can die for our county at 18 but can’t sit back with a beer?
I’m with Analise. There is nothing wrong with teaching kids that alcholic beverages are part of life. A glass of wine with dinner is nice. If we treat alcohol as if it were something that crazy kids (and adults) drink to get drunk, then that’s the real problem.
One other factor thoug ~ in many states, it is illegal to give alcohol to anyone under age. Even if it’s in your own home and they are your own children. So you may be teaching them that it’s okay to break the law.
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I’m with you, Barry. The law says 21. There’s a reason for that.
At the same time, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with drinking. I don’t agree with “teaching my son to drink” exactly, but I do think it’s important to set a good example. My son goes to dinner parties with me where the adults drink wine (or beer or whatever). I have no problem with that. I don’t want to treat alcohol like some big scary thing. BUT, in my opinion, taking your 7-year-old to a kegger and teaching him to play beer pong is an entirely different thing.
Beer pong is maybe not the most responsible way to drink. Nor is any drinking game. Sure, they can be fun (though I was never a fan personally), but they often lead to people getting WAY too drunk because they’re not in control of their intake. A ping pong ball, or some silly “drink/drank/drunk” rule dictates how much they drink and how often. Not the wisest approach.
My son, I’m sure, will discover beer pong and quarters and all that good stuff in high school just like the rest of us did. And I certainly don’t intend to send him out into that world without having some frank conversations about it. What bothered me in this situation, is that my ex taught him to play a game that almost guarantees drinking too much (which I don’t think he should have done in the first place), and then GAVE HIM ZERO CONTEXT in which to frame the experience. No explanation of the dangers of the game when played for “real.” (And my son even commented to me later that most of the people playing were acting “really strange.”)
I may be overly sensitive on this topic, but alcoholism is an issue in my family. My dad died at 47 from cirrhosis. My dad’s dad was an alcoholic, and his dad, and his dad, and so on and so on. And my ex has had substance abuse issues as well, though his were pills more than booze. So it’s important to me that my son is given a good example of responsible drinking, which to me does NOT include a ringing endorsement of drinking games from his father.
The upside to the situation is that my son and I had a frank conversation about the topic. We’ve had plenty before, since he’s asked numbers of questions about his grandpa and how he died. He knows that alcohol can cause severe health problems if abused; he knows that you shouldn’t drive if you’ve been drinking; he knows that drinking too much can lead to embarrassing judgment calls. But he also knows that it’s not evil… just that there is a responsible way to drink, and an irresponsible way to drink. And that, because it’s tricky and even a lot of grown-ups have a hard time knowing their limits, it’s an activity best left for adults.
Thanks for posting this. It’s a good topic and a tricky one, especially when your opinions on the matter differ from the other parent’s.
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I’m also with Barry.
My kids are now legal, and I am sure they drank before they were 21 -I know they did, but I didn’t serve them. Or their friends. Even though my kids are legal now, I would still not play quarters with them or want to “party” with them. A drink, yes, but not sit around getting drunk with my kids.
That suprises a lot of our friends because I am untra liberal, and I really like drinking.
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Although I totally agree with your point of view, I think the drinking age should be 18. Simply because when your 18 you can fight and die for your country. But, NOBODY should teach their young children drinking games! I am with you, tar and feather the guy.
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