Comments on: The Favorite Single Parent Syndrome

By: Carlton

Carlton — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:49:23 +0000

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By: Suixdiava

Suixdiava — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 16:33:34 +0000

In Italy the censor is very old and there are many judges and psychiatrists who analyse you.

By: Philippine Lotto Results

Philippine Lotto Results — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 08:32:05 +0000

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By: Caramoan Camarines Sur ·

Caramoan Camarines Sur · — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 20:36:38 +0000

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By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:18:28 +0000

Both my ex and I try very hard not to say anything negative about the other **when the kids are around**. Now, I’m pretty sure he’s said some not so flattering things about me, and I know I’ve vented to my friends and family. We just both made a conscious effort to “bet he better man” for the sake of our kids. He’s their dad. They LOVE him (daddy=hero, mommy=god, get the picture?). If he has fault’s (which he does, he’s human), they’re going to figure it out, eventually. Bite your tongue, stomp on your own foot, do whatever it takes because it’s not going to hurt your EX when you trash him, it’s going to hurt your kids. You’re their parent, do you really want to do that?

I know there are people out there, both men and women, who are so self-absorbed, or narcissistic, or who just have to be right that their children’s feelings are the last thing they’re thinking about, but I hope it’s the exception not the rule.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Paraffin Candles Could Cause Cancer, Researcher’s Say =-.

By: Sue Whittaker

Sue Whittaker — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 13:49:51 +0000

Wow! You couldn’t be more right. This is something I practiced as a single mom with my children. About the ages of 12-14 your children will start to figure it out for themselves. It’s not easy to be committed to not “ripping your ex apart” every time you get angry. Write them a nasty letter instead of having a discussion with your children about what an awful person the ex-spouse is. Also encourage your family and friends to do the same. Your family and friends think they are showing you support by bad mouthing your ex and are not careful to make sure your children are not within hearing distance. It also easy for you to get caught up in this conversation and forget about a child being present.

Good Luck letting your children figure it out for themselves. My daughters are 25 years old. They’ve been allow to form their own opinions. My relationship with them has been my reward. Now we have adult conversations about the past.

By: barryk

barryk — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 02:30:31 +0000

Blair,

I can only speak from personal experience. The answer would be yes. When it happens and at what age, I can’t tell you. But a good guide for you is if you can rest your head at night on your pillow, and your conscience is calm, you are doing the right thing. Kids do not like when a parent rips the other. Internally they love both their mom and their dad. You csn only control what you do not your ex. Do the right thing and it does pay off in respect down the road. Not easy to do, and you will slip, but still the best way to honor your children. Your ex is not. Her comments just reveal her weakness.

By: blairl

blairl — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:53:52 +0000

So, what do you do if your ex-spouse is so busy playing the role of the “professional victim” that she neglects the children ? I too, chose the “high road”, but it doesn’t seem to be working. After each weekly visit with my kids, the ex-wife pumps them for information (btw, the divorce was her idea) and then tells them I’m not a very good dad. I have my kids regularly, pay my support ahead of time and yet when one party is full of unresolved anger, the games continue. I guess my question is, do the kids eventually “get it” ??

By: barryk

barryk — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:31:49 +0000

I just read your post which I think is excellent and I recommend others read it as well. All I will say here is don’t beat yourself up. If you never had an “oops” you would be a saint and better than 99.9% of the rest. To be honest, based on what I read, you are cool with me.

By: barryk

barryk — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:22:46 +0000

I completely agreed with you. I wish we could wave a magic wand and everyone would just play nice. The quiet undermining ritual is one of the favorite games played by a negative ex. It is is true sign of weakness and feeling that his own actions are not enough to create the favored parent he desires