I know there are people out there, both men and women, who are so self-absorbed, or narcissistic, or who just have to be right that their children’s feelings are the last thing they’re thinking about, but I hope it’s the exception not the rule.
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Good Luck letting your children figure it out for themselves. My daughters are 25 years old. They’ve been allow to form their own opinions. My relationship with them has been my reward. Now we have adult conversations about the past.

I can only speak from personal experience. The answer would be yes. When it happens and at what age, I can’t tell you. But a good guide for you is if you can rest your head at night on your pillow, and your conscience is calm, you are doing the right thing. Kids do not like when a parent rips the other. Internally they love both their mom and their dad. You csn only control what you do not your ex. Do the right thing and it does pay off in respect down the road. Not easy to do, and you will slip, but still the best way to honor your children. Your ex is not. Her comments just reveal her weakness.

What I struggle with is finding the right way to talk to my son about some questionable parenting/judgment calls his dad makes. While I don’t want to say anything negative about my ex, I am concerned about the messages he’s sending with some of his actions. It’s a tricky line to walk.
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There’s also the actions that often speak louder than words and that have a big impact on the kids. My ex may not bad mouth me but his acts and deeds toward me have been very detrimental and destructive to my kids and my relationship with them. These are things the kids don’t pick up on and that even my 18 y/o daughter hasn’t yet realized the full impact of – and it’s not like I can try set her straight either because it would just give my ex more power.

All I can say is I think it hurts worse to be undermined than bad-mouthed and to watch your kids be manipulated and bought. Some people can be so hurtful but in very subliminal ways and if you react or defend you are “the bad guy”.
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I myself am a “Single Parent” though I have been remarried for several years now. I don’t think many people understand that the “new spouse” many times adds to the “drama” of the situation rather than helping matters. There are many days when I have to step back and ask myself who the children are and where the adults went.

I made a promise to myself when I left my x-husband that I would never EVER say an ill word about him to any one because you can never be sure when little ears are near or when your words may be repeated to another person in front of or directly to your child. If you do not say the negative words in the first place then they cannot be repeated to your child. Let’s face it folks you choose to bring a child into the world with this person. Your child did not choose him/her and your child does not need to hear YOUR feelings on this person, your child does not need to know if he/he is paying their child support or if he/she is a cheat, low life, no good for nothing or any other choice words you may have for them. If you do not wish to do irreparable damage to your child’s self-esteem you would do best to remind your child that no matter what their father/mother LOVES him/her beyond compare. If said x does not show up for visitation the reassure them that is due to no fault of their own and that he/she loves them very very much. I had to do this for 14 years and trust me my kids found out what kind of person my x was by his hands not mine but they were 18 and 17 when they did so they were old enough to handle it and appreciated the fact that I did not bash him to them.

Ok… sorry, I will step off my soap box now.