Reading Single Parent Blogs Could Save Marriages
Usually when beginning a project such as this, you believe you have something of value to share, or believe something is missing in the current landscape of websites that you can provide.
One of the surprising benefits of developing Single Dad Life, is becoming part of the single parent community or actually, the parent community as a whole. While I do hear from single dads, and obviously with the website name, that is the target of the information, single moms have provided great support.
I must admit, this kind of shocked me. It was not a goal to hear from single moms. I did make it a conscious decision early on to try and not raise the ire of single moms. I didn’t want to purchase a supply of neosporin for my cuts and bruises (easy just kidding moms 
). But also, I felt their is so much negativity in the relationship between single dads and single moms in the press, I did not want Single Dad Life to be about complaining and whining. I also didn’t want to “live” in that arena.
Don’t get me wrong, I will walk the edge a bit. This is how to create honest discussion and debate. Just not about she didn’t bring the kids back on time, her boyfriend is a loser, she takes my check and gets her nails done, etc etc. I realize these issues may be out there, but I wanted to provide a site that is positive and about living your BEST life as a single dad.
I would like to add, that I have found some amazing single dad sites and blogs that provide a wealth of information. I quickly learned that I don’t have the market cornered on positive, informative, and entertaining content. Some of these guys are way more talented than I could ever hope to be.
But what surprised me the most, is how much I enjoyed reading single mom blogs and their comments. Talk about an eye opener. As I began gingerly testing the waters and placing a comment or two on some of these, I sort of flinched a bit, wondering what might be thrown back in my direction. Nothing could be further from the truth! Not that all agreed with me 100% of the time, but always respectful and usually welcomed a guys opinion. I have seen the same from comments on touchy subjects on Single Dad Life made by single moms.
This may appear to be a “kiss up”, but it isn’t. It is just an unexpected observation that I felt compelled to share with others. Many who post on these sites will not be surprised and already understood this dynamic.
Then I started to think. Communication breakdown is a big part in the disintegration of many marriages. Husbands and wives complaining that neither understands the other or just don’t listen. You hear this word often. Listening. Listening. No one thinks the other is really listening. Great read on listening
In marital disputes, each party usually has their mind set on what they want to get across to the other. They are not truly listening or hearing what the other is saying, often interrupting to say (or shout) their position.
I am reminded of how I once explained to try and stop myself from interrupting others, I would make believe I was receiving an instant message or text message. Not responding until the other person was done equated with reading the complete message and than responding. It does work (sometimes ). Growing up in my family, dinner table conversations tended to have the person who talked the loudest got heard!
Blogs provide a similar platform. If single dads, or even better, married dads, would just read single mom blogs, they would receive a wealth of insight into the minds and thought patterns of how women think. Their complaints, pet peeves, what they are looking for in a man or what really annoys them about men. Just read and listen.
I am not saying guys need to agree with everything they say. To be honest, my mind sometimes freezes, as it spins trying to compute the information I just read. But to be able to”listen” as an outsider, not emotionally charges or connected, could be better than hundreds of dollars of therapy or marriage counseling.
Moms and single moms could learn the same from reading single dad websites and blogs as well. You might be surprised that we are deeper than just, eating, sex, sleeping, sex, sports, and sex. See how you snickered and agreed with that statement ladies!
The online single parent community is an amazing group.
Another “ah ha” moment. None seem to be in competition with the other. Single dads supporting other single dad sites. Single moms supporting other single mom sites. More important, single moms supporting single dad sites and vice versa.
Time for me to create that blog roll I have been putting off. Who knows, it might just save a marriage or save someone in counseling fees.
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I’m finding the same thing as I journey through this world of online parents. I think that sites like ours really do offer a great deal to the discussion that needs to be happening between *all* parents. My son’s father and I were never married, but we’re both convinced that the skills we’re developing through our co-parenting journey will make us better partners to whomever we may end up building a life with in the future. The truth is that those skills and insights transcend co-parenting, frankly, even parenting. I think they are just a gateway to making us better, period. My two cents. Thanks for the love!
Talibah´s last blog ..MamaSpeak: Sex and the Single Mom
“I think they are just a gateway to making us better, period”
Perfectly said. Thanks Talibah
Knowing what its like to be a single parent, can be an eye opener for any married couple. We often can’t see the full scope of what we have until we don’t have it anymore. It is hard to see that the grass has patches on the other side of the fence. Even though we know things will not be perfect, often we are upset by the imperfections of our lives.
I am a single parent with a boyfriend with no children. He tries hard and I am a busy little mama that protects her little cub. Making it hard for him to execute his newly found daddy skills. Maybe I need to pay attention to some single parent blogs myself. Yours is the first one that I have seen!
Gerlaine´s last blog ..Challenge Breakthrough! RiP MJ!
Welcome Gerlaine! Single parent blogs are a wealth of information. Might even want to leave one on your screen when your boyfriend is nearby
I have been a single mom for most of my son’s life (he’s 17 now). If I had known about single parent websites maybe I wouldn’t have married either of the men that I did, or maybe my second marriage would have survived, who knows. I now have my wonderful, talented teenage son and a boyfriend, they get along fine most of the time (boyfriend was raised by single mom also). I do seem to notice that when he tries to exercise his “Daddy” skills (sweety does not have any children, and can not create any), if I disagree with his idea for how to handle a situation I tend to get in the middle of it. He then tells me that I do this all the time and that he “should just not care” what my son does or how it is handled. My main issue is he takes parenting advice from his drugy cousins who have no part (and should not have any part) in raising any children. I do find it frustrating, as none of them know my son or how my son reacts to situations. Maybe I am just to close to him (after all we have been the only stable people in each others lives for the last 17 years) to have the right perspective. Maybe there are others out there dealing with the same thing, who might have opinions that can help. I do love my boyfriend and I appreciate that he accepts the fact that I and my son are a package deal at least for another year or two, I just wish he would not take advice from people who don’t know what they are talking about. Any thoughts would be helpful.
Hi Tammi, thanks for sharing.
This is a tough one. It is almost impossible for you to take a back seat to parenting your son after 17 years. Your boyfriend however, does probably feel that he should be able to give advice to your son. By steping in the middle during the discussion, it does make him feel undermined and probably frustrated.
If you disagree with how he corrects or advises your son, it could be a deal breaker. After 17 years, you and your sons ways are pretty much set. You might want to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend and explain how difficult it is to have someone else give advice. It is not his fault, just something you have to deal with. I don’t think it is out of line to ask him to discuss parenting situations with you to have a unified front, before he goes ahead and gives advice.
However, at some point you have to trust him to give solid advice to your son or you have a problem. If you always counter his decisions, it will blow up. I am not sure how long your boyfriend has been around, which could change how you handle this. Of course, I am not a professional, just my opinion.
A thousand times, yes!
On my site, I find myself giving relationship advice that goes beyond co-parenting, and this has been a learning experience for me, personally and in terms of my own relationships, romantic as well as platonic.
And fyi, your site is going onto my blog roll today!
deesha´s last blog ..Co-Parenting and Dating: Why He Won’t Introduce You to His Kids
Thanks Deesha. Amazing how your initial interest and advice expands as your site grows. I appreciate you stopping by and adding me to your list. I will make sure to do the same in return!
I’ve been blogging with single parents for a while now. While there are a few who bitch and moan about their ex, or worse, make generalizations about the opposite sex – you’re right that many single mom bloggers are very nice to us single dads. The ones I blog with have great discussions with me. We don’t always agree, and we usually get to learn a bit of the other’s perspective.
dadshouse´s last blog ..Relationship Test – Who Picked the Wedding Cake?
Great to hear from you. When I speak of other terrific single dad websites, yours is on the list as one of the best. Thanks for commenting.