Comments on: The Joy of Single Parent Sex – Really http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/ Single dads making a difference Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:49:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Steve http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-8658 Steve Sun, 24 Oct 2010 01:42:46 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-8658 This is a tough one for me. Like Peter, I feel that sex is a positive element in a normal and healthy adult life. But, unlike most men, I tend to freeze at the opportunity for sex which greatly complicates my ability to date. Honestly, I really don't know what the root cause of my hesitation is, but I tend to see myself as a romantic idealist. And unfortunately, idealism and reality seldom intersect. By romantic idealist, I think I mean that I must be in love with someone (and be loved) in order to have sex. I think with an awful lot of folks, it's the other way around. They like someone, they have sex and then they fall in love. I can no longer feel comfortable intimately with a woman unless I feel that there is a strong bond of affection, trust, respect and desire already in place. And that is, of course, a hard order to fill. In the 9 years since my marriage ended, I have had sex with just three women, and only with one of them did I feel the connection that I described earlier. This undoubtedly undermines my ability to build that strong connection. It's ironic that we preach to our kids that they should love and respect their partners before they get physically involved, but we don't expect adults to behave that way. It's the classic "do as I say, not as I do" scenario. Then, of course, there's always the baggage issue. It's hard for me to trust in love, because it has hurt me so much in the past (not so distant past either). In all honesty, on most days I feel that my time has past. Then spring rolls around and I get the strong urge to find someone to try to build a relationship with, only to have the same issues come up again and again. It gets old and my cynicism grows with each passing year. A big concern to me is that I not pass my cynicism on to my teenage son. He deserves a decent shot at love and happiness, but I fear that I am undermining that. This is a tough one for me. Like Peter, I feel that sex is a positive element in a normal and healthy adult life. But, unlike most men, I tend to freeze at the opportunity for sex which greatly complicates my ability to date.

Honestly, I really don’t know what the root cause of my hesitation is, but I tend to see myself as a romantic idealist. And unfortunately, idealism and reality seldom intersect.

By romantic idealist, I think I mean that I must be in love with someone (and be loved) in order to have sex. I think with an awful lot of folks, it’s the other way around. They like someone, they have sex and then they fall in love. I can no longer feel comfortable intimately with a woman unless I feel that there is a strong bond of affection, trust, respect and desire already in place. And that is, of course, a hard order to fill.

In the 9 years since my marriage ended, I have had sex with just three women, and only with one of them did I feel the connection that I described earlier. This undoubtedly undermines my ability to build that strong connection. It’s ironic that we preach to our kids that they should love and respect their partners before they get physically involved, but we don’t expect adults to behave that way. It’s the classic “do as I say, not as I do” scenario.

Then, of course, there’s always the baggage issue. It’s hard for me to trust in love, because it has hurt me so much in the past (not so distant past either). In all honesty, on most days I feel that my time has past. Then spring rolls around and I get the strong urge to find someone to try to build a relationship with, only to have the same issues come up again and again. It gets old and my cynicism grows with each passing year. A big concern to me is that I not pass my cynicism on to my teenage son. He deserves a decent shot at love and happiness, but I fear that I am undermining that.

]]> By: maria http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-8612 maria Tue, 03 Aug 2010 06:09:45 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-8612 i happen to still enjoy sex, i'm a single parent of 3, but i also have needs.. I agree that we all need it, it releaves stress and it feels great to be wanted. i happen to still enjoy sex, i’m a single parent of 3, but i also have needs.. I agree that we all need it, it releaves stress and it feels great to be wanted.

]]> By: Tawshabu http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-8024 Tawshabu Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:04:11 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-8024 Sex *is* pure. Sin is not. Sex is natural. Sin is manufactured and subjective. What Christianity calls sinful, others do not. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it’s pure. Who ever had the moral authority to say sex before marriage was impure? Who? Can I please have this person’s name and phone number? Frankly, I simply that anyone who ever attached sin to sex did so because that person wasn’t having sex. I’ve never felt a religous experience in a Church or Synagogue, but I’m pretty sure I felt as much when having sex. Respectfully, Tawshabu Sex *is* pure. Sin is not. Sex is natural. Sin is manufactured and subjective. What Christianity calls sinful, others do not. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it’s pure.

Who ever had the moral authority to say sex before marriage was impure? Who?

Can I please have this person’s name and phone number?

Frankly, I simply that anyone who ever attached sin to sex did so because that person wasn’t having sex.

I’ve never felt a religous experience in a Church or Synagogue, but I’m pretty sure I felt as much when having sex.

Respectfully,

Tawshabu

]]> By: Peter Ehrlich http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-7895 Peter Ehrlich Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:15:14 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-7895 Sex *is* pure. Sin is not. Sex is natural. Sin is manufactured and subjective. What Christianity calls sinful, others do not. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it's pure. Who ever had the moral authority to say sex before marriage was impure? Who? Can I please have this person's name and phone number? Frankly, I simply that anyone who ever attached sin to sex did so because that person wasn't having sex. I've never felt a religous experience in a Church or Synagogue, but I'm pretty sure I felt as much when having sex. Respectfully, Peter Ehrlich Sex *is* pure. Sin is not. Sex is natural. Sin is manufactured and subjective. What Christianity calls sinful, others do not. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it’s pure.

Who ever had the moral authority to say sex before marriage was impure? Who?

Can I please have this person’s name and phone number?

Frankly, I simply that anyone who ever attached sin to sex did so because that person wasn’t having sex.

I’ve never felt a religous experience in a Church or Synagogue, but I’m pretty sure I felt as much when having sex.

Respectfully,

Peter Ehrlich

]]> By: Tulip Sunshine http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-7888 Tulip Sunshine Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:29:28 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-7888 I used to think how Elaina Mc thinks. However I now realize sex can be pure and it does not equal to sin - not all sex before marriage is sin. There are many sins committed related to sex, like anything else - money, career, even marrige - human's falling nature brings sin into every aspect of life, and sex is of no exception. God wants His people to be "un-sinfully" happy. I used to think how Elaina Mc thinks. However I now realize sex can be pure and it does not equal to sin – not all sex before marriage is sin. There are many sins committed related to sex, like anything else – money, career, even marrige – human’s falling nature brings sin into every aspect of life, and sex is of no exception. God wants His people to be “un-sinfully” happy.

]]> By: Peter Ehrlich http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-7884 Peter Ehrlich Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:25:43 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-7884 Who said anything about Friends with Benefits in the column. There is no suggestion that the sex is without feelings or meaningless. See, that's the problem with Christianity - there's always the equation of sin to sex. Well, got to keep the flock in line somehow. Peter Ehrlich Who said anything about Friends with Benefits in the column. There is no suggestion that the sex is without feelings or meaningless. See, that’s the problem with Christianity – there’s always the equation of sin to sex. Well, got to keep the flock in line somehow.

Peter Ehrlich

]]> By: ELaina Mc http://singledadlife.com/2009/04/24/the-joy-of-single-parent-sex-really-2/comment-page-1/#comment-7337 ELaina Mc Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:00:20 +0000 http://singledadlife.com/?p=1009#comment-7337 And then there are those of us who are living pure. I'm looking for a Godly spouse and not Friends with Benefits. There's always another view and another corner in the conversation... :) And then there are those of us who are living pure. I’m looking for a Godly spouse and not Friends with Benefits. There’s always another view and another corner in the conversation… :)

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