The Joy of Single Parent Sex – Really
April 24, 2009 by admin
Filed under Dating & Sex, Life of Leisure
Talk about an oxymoron and a book title not yet found on any shelf: The Joy of Single Parent Sex.
Surely it’s more relevant to single moms and dads to discuss the angst, court system, and the struggle to find a common ground with our Ex for the sake of our children.
Neither “single parent hedonism” nor “single parent sex” is found on Google. But “grandparents and sex” is. Up popped “grandparents caught in compromising position on the beach”.
I take great delight in finding something positive in an unexpected place, such as when I was 13 and found a Playboy magazine tucked into Uncle Moe’s bookshelf.
Years later, the unexpected place is the single parent home and the subject is sex.
Here is why I think there is joy in single parent sex:
When you’re out on a date and the person opposite you looks as perfect as a hot cup of coffee on a Sunday morning before the kids are awake, you can both talk about how you love your kids and actually get turned on a little more because knowing your date or lover, like you, loves their children, is wonderful common ground.
There is little chance either of you is a swinger because a great single parent can’t possibly have the time. And both of you will likely greatly appreciate the sex, as in “Thank you, Lord.”
Because the interval between sexual encounters is likely to be months or (gulp), years, each time is, well, like the first time. There is no way any single parent is going to approach sex with the words: “Oh yawn, I have to have sex again.”
And so, each roll in the hay, assuming the affection is mutual as it should be, is engaged in with great enthusiasm. You and your mate can bring your cellphones to the night table, both of you understanding it’s perfectly fine if your sex is interrupted by a phone call from either the babysitter or your teenager who is drunk and needs you to pick her up.
Not only would such an interruption not be a reason to get angry with the partner who must put their clothes back on after finally locating their underwear buried in the bedclothes, but in no time – say, the next day – it would also be an anecdote to share a laugh about.
You can tell anyone – the most cynical people you know, even your parents – that you had sex and they’ll be happy for you.
There are many reasons to be grateful for and inspired by your single parenthood. It can be a rewarding lifestyle, regardless of the fact that “woe is me” is too often attached to our current lot in life. (We’ll visit those reasons in subsequent columns.)
But for now, it’s summer, it’s hot, you’re hot, and every magazine out there talks about the joy of sex or how to have great sex.
I wanted to pay homage to the sex life of the world’s fastest growing family configuration, single parents.
We know all about sex. None of us is a virgin.
You can contact Peter at peter@geroninocode.com
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And then there are those of us who are living pure. I’m looking for a Godly spouse and not Friends with Benefits. There’s always another view and another corner in the conversation…
Who said anything about Friends with Benefits in the column. There is no suggestion that the sex is without feelings or meaningless. See, that’s the problem with Christianity – there’s always the equation of sin to sex. Well, got to keep the flock in line somehow.
Peter Ehrlich
I used to think how Elaina Mc thinks. However I now realize sex can be pure and it does not equal to sin – not all sex before marriage is sin. There are many sins committed related to sex, like anything else – money, career, even marrige – human’s falling nature brings sin into every aspect of life, and sex is of no exception. God wants His people to be “un-sinfully” happy.
Sex *is* pure. Sin is not. Sex is natural. Sin is manufactured and subjective. What Christianity calls sinful, others do not. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it’s pure.
Who ever had the moral authority to say sex before marriage was impure? Who?
Can I please have this person’s name and phone number?
Frankly, I simply that anyone who ever attached sin to sex did so because that person wasn’t having sex.
I’ve never felt a religous experience in a Church or Synagogue, but I’m pretty sure I felt as much when having sex.
Respectfully,
Peter Ehrlich
Sex *is* pure. Sin is not. Sex is natural. Sin is manufactured and subjective. What Christianity calls sinful, others do not. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it’s pure.
Who ever had the moral authority to say sex before marriage was impure? Who?
Can I please have this person’s name and phone number?
Frankly, I simply that anyone who ever attached sin to sex did so because that person wasn’t having sex.
I’ve never felt a religous experience in a Church or Synagogue, but I’m pretty sure I felt as much when having sex.
Respectfully,
Tawshabu
i happen to still enjoy sex, i’m a single parent of 3, but i also have needs.. I agree that we all need it, it releaves stress and it feels great to be wanted.
This is a tough one for me. Like Peter, I feel that sex is a positive element in a normal and healthy adult life. But, unlike most men, I tend to freeze at the opportunity for sex which greatly complicates my ability to date.
Honestly, I really don’t know what the root cause of my hesitation is, but I tend to see myself as a romantic idealist. And unfortunately, idealism and reality seldom intersect.
By romantic idealist, I think I mean that I must be in love with someone (and be loved) in order to have sex. I think with an awful lot of folks, it’s the other way around. They like someone, they have sex and then they fall in love. I can no longer feel comfortable intimately with a woman unless I feel that there is a strong bond of affection, trust, respect and desire already in place. And that is, of course, a hard order to fill.
In the 9 years since my marriage ended, I have had sex with just three women, and only with one of them did I feel the connection that I described earlier. This undoubtedly undermines my ability to build that strong connection. It’s ironic that we preach to our kids that they should love and respect their partners before they get physically involved, but we don’t expect adults to behave that way. It’s the classic “do as I say, not as I do” scenario.
Then, of course, there’s always the baggage issue. It’s hard for me to trust in love, because it has hurt me so much in the past (not so distant past either). In all honesty, on most days I feel that my time has past. Then spring rolls around and I get the strong urge to find someone to try to build a relationship with, only to have the same issues come up again and again. It gets old and my cynicism grows with each passing year. A big concern to me is that I not pass my cynicism on to my teenage son. He deserves a decent shot at love and happiness, but I fear that I am undermining that.